Is she really a ‘homewrecker’? by John Bolch

Divorce|Family|Relationships|November 4th 2013

LipstickThey say if you can’t beat them join them, but we say if you can’t beat them, EXPOSE them! Shesahomewrecker.com is exposing everyone from the Hollywood Homewrecker to the average white picket fence destroying women who just can’t seem to let go of your husbands and boyfriends!

So begins the description of She’s A Homewrecker, an American website dedicated to exposing women who are (allegedly) responsible for breaking up families by seducing the husbands or male partners. If you are a woman whose other half has been entrapped in this way, all you need to do is go to the site, click the ‘Expose Homewrecker’ button (which doesn’t seem to be working at the time of writing this) and divulge all the gory details, which will then appear as a post entry on the site.

I haven’t spent a great deal of time delving into the depths of the site, but it appears to be doing a roaring trade with, apparently, several new entries over the last few days. Most of the entries also seem to be attracting a number of comments, although not all of these support the woman who posted the entry – more of which in a moment.

Needless to say, I do not approve.

I’m afraid I can’t think of anything to say in favour of She’s A Homewrecker, or any similar site. I can, however, think of a number of things against it. The site is all about revenge, which may temporarily make the ‘wronged’ woman feel a little better, but at what cost?

I’m not going to give examples, but the language used by some of the ‘contributors’ on the site is pretty unpleasant. What does this make the contributors look like? Instead of being the object of sympathy, they just look like embittered women who have lost not just their husband/partner, but also their dignity.

And why is the site only aimed at women who have broken relationships? Aren’t men also at fault, luring wives away from their husbands?

Leaving that point aside, the site makes the mistake of assuming that the ‘other woman’, rather than the husband, is always at fault. This is a point made in a number of comments to the entries, which sometimes contain a few ‘home truths’ for the contributor.

Another point that seems to be missed by the site is that adultery or infidelity can often be a symptom of a marriage/relationship breakdown that has already happened, rather than the cause of the breakdown. Blaming the ‘other woman’ in such circumstances is just shifting the ‘blame’ away to someone else.

I will finish by making a few ‘lawyer’ points.

Firstly, why involve anyone else? The consequences of the breakdown of a marriage or a relationship can only be dealt with by the parties to the marriage or relationship, not anyone else. Involving a third party can only make things more complicated – it is for this reason that most family lawyers would advise against naming a ‘co-respondent’ in divorce proceedings.

There is also the risk that naming someone may be defamatory. The wrong person could be named, or the person doing the naming may simply be mistaken about their husband/partner having a relationship at all.

Lastly, even if the ‘right’ person has been named, this is only likely to make things more difficult in any subsequent divorce or other proceedings. Remember, the best way to resolve matters with your ex after a marriage/relationship breakdown is by negotiation and agreement. Unnecessarily antagonising them by naming the third party (who may now be their new partner) is going to make them less amenable to constructive negotiation.

In short, think hard before you click that button…

Photo by ebbandflo_pomomama via Flickr under a Creative Commons licence

John Bolch

 

 

 

 

John Bolch is family law commentator

Author: John Bolch

John Bolch often wonders how he ever became a family lawyer. He no longer practises, but has instead earned a reputation as one of the UK's best-known family law bloggers.

Comments(4)

  1. Stitchedup says:

    John,

    Regarding your ‘lawyer’ points.

    1. why involve anyone else? – AGREED

    2. The consequences of the breakdown of a marriage or a relationship can only be dealt with by the parties to the marriage or relationship – AGREED

    3. The best way to resolve matters with your ex after a marriage/relationship breakdown is by negotiation and agreement. Unnecessarily antagonising them is going to make them less amenable to constructive negotiation – AGREED

    4. In short, think hard before you make that allegation – MODIFIED BY ME.

  2. Paul says:

    The best thing to do with the internet sometimes is to switch it off and go outside and do some gardening. Breathe some fresh air rather than concern yourself with nonsense like that.

  3. Stephanie Bamberger says:

    And in places where divorce is “no fault” like California, what’s the point? In my experience, posting on websites like this doesn’t help the emotions of the ‘wronged’ party, and only makes things worse.

  4. Luke says:

    It’s clearly a ridiculous site – in fact that’s being generous…

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