Male victims of domestic violence: new survey launched

Family|August 22nd 2015

Shared parenting charity Families Need Fathers has launched an online survey aimed at male victims of domestic violence.

Designed to assess the experiences of men who have been subjected to intimate partner violence, the survey was launched following discussions between the charity and the Equalities and Human Rights Commission in London. In a still draft report, the Commission highlighted the recent unsuccessful efforts of campaign group Rights of Women to challenge the current requirement for certain types of evidence when applying for legal aid on the grounds of domestic violence.

Families Need Fathers claimed that fathers would find it even more difficult to provide such evidence and so the Commission asked them for ‘robust evidence’ of this difficulty. Rights of Women had attempted to bolster their campaign with a similar survey.

Male victims can complete the anonymous survey here. It is also open to female-to-male transsexuals.


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  1. Paul Apreda says:

    Thanks for helping us get the information about this survey to a wide audience of men who have experienced ‘Domestic Violence’ and difficulties with child contact.
    We’re delighted that we’re already up to 67 responses – which is a great start after just one week. We’re more than half way to reaching the total of 117 responses received by the impressive Rights of Women survey which influenced change in the criteria used by the Legal Aid Agency to meet the evidential test for funding.
    One small point is that we’re a separate registered charity in Wales – and work under the title FNF Both Parent Matter Cymru – but we’re always happy to be collaborating with our sister charity in England. Just to be clear OUR survey is capturing data about England AND Wales. Thanks again for your help, Paul Apreda, National Manager, FNF Both Parents Matter Cymru

    • Marilyn Stowe says:

      Dear Paul
      My pleasure. This blog is intended to be a platform for all opinions irrespective of whether they are popular or not or even dare I say it critical of me! The only opinions I don’t publish are those which are plainly offensive and offer no value to the debate otherwise I try to be as liberal as possible and the issue of violence towards men is one that does exist and I think is often wrongly ignored.

      • Paul Apreda says:

        Dear Marilyn
        My sincere thanks for your comments and kind words. I would like to apologize if i’ve given you the impression that I’m being critical of you. Clearly people have different opinions based upon their own experiences. My honest view is that if bringing back legal aid is the answer we’ve asked the wrong question. However we have to do the best that we can for those who approach us for help within the parameters that exist, and we have recently had a number of cases where we’ve actively engaged with GPs and other medical professionals to obtain the necessary evidence for men to access Legal aid.
        best wishes, Paul

        • Marilyn Stowe says:

          Dear Paul
          I didn’t mean you at all. I’ve had criticism in the years this blog has been going sometimes really unpleasant but I’ve understood the reason, gritted my teeth and published! (I am from Yorkshire after all – they make us tough)

  2. Name Witheld says:

    Any victim of domestic abuse should be entitled to help. My partner went through the controlling nature of his ex partner and yet ss when they investigated said nothing . His wife’s views were paramount and he was judged on that. I myself have gone through it by my ex and I can see clearly my partner was not treated as a victim but I was. The barrier is too divided. Many victims I have found will not have the evidence they require by law but by law they are entitled to be supported and yet in many cases this system is failed.

    • Paul Apreda says:

      My thanks for your post (and Marilyn’s good offices for hosting this)
      I would greatly appreciate you speaking with your partner to ask him to complete our survey. It’s only through collecting this sort of evidence that we can move forward to ensure that everyone is protected. I will reveal that the comments that are being left by respondents are truly heart-breaking and deeply disturbing. Most of them reflect the experience that you have shared on this blog. I can assure you that the survey is anonymous – but in some ways I wish it wasnt because we’ve already had one individual who completed the survey leave the comment ‘i really need a help please help me’. regards, Paul Apreda, National Manager, FNF BPM Cymru

  3. Richard says:

    I was subjected to years of physical abuse by someone with a troubled childhood and life long psychiatric history of cruelty and produced a polygraph test confirming I was attacked over twenty times by the person receiving treatment for ‘assertiveness’ to me to not only be disbelieved by the court but also blamed for persuading the mother she needed treatment where in fact she did not. As a result I am excluded from my child’s life and vulnerable to any accusation made after the judge declared ‘I will believe the mother in all matters where she differs from the father’ and abandoned any recognisable judicial procedure. I am a law graduate and now run a non profit McKenzie Friends of Children group and come across the same story time after time from the parents I help. There is not the slightest trace of justice in the Family Division for the children of loving fathers and especially those subjected to violence and threats and malicious falsehoods by relentless mothers that are simply indulged by the courts. Although family courts are not criminal fathers are treated as guilty even when proven innocent and mothers are treated as innocent even when proven guilty. Mothers who attack men, abduct children and pour poison into their minds on a routine basis are praised by the courts as wonderful loving parents. Those who breach and frustrate orders and lie and deny their children a full family life are rewarded for their hysteria. The values of treaties, the points of law and the measurable harm to children are all blithely swept aside in favour of a dogmatic approach inspired by the Children Act which outlays the relationship between mother and child and allows the only to contest. The resultant chaos we live in is a CAFCASSesque nightmare in which good is bad, harm is help, lies are truth and realities are distortions.. Good and bad are reversed like up and down because there is no scientific or clinical base for the mumbo jumbo that goes on in family courts and not the slightest regard for the outcomse of those they effect. All reviews and calls for reform go nowhere and any attempts to relegislate are defeated by the House of Lords without fail. It is them that causes the log jam. The only hope for relief lies in Europe and the UN and super national bodies.

    • paul apreda says:

      Richard – please contact me through our website at I would really hope that we can work together even if toy are not currently working in Wales. I fear that so much of what you say resonates with me and with our service users, but we do have to work within the system as it presents itself hence our initiative to raise the issues for men that Rights of Women have done for their service users.

    • Charles Jackson-Smythe says:

      Richard, I totally agree with the sentiments of your posting. Its clarity is far better than some of the emotion that is on our website, but we are only reflecting the views of so many that have been ignored and treated as second class citizens. Should you find the time we are having a Free to Attend Convention in Bedford on March 12th 2016 where presentations and discussion can take place to see how, within the System, issues about the lack of equality to men in Divorce cases can be aired. Should you wish to do a 20min presentation we should be delighted. There are a lot of grieviouly hurt men out there that the System, as in your own case, has failed. To be called a liar and not be able to defend yourself is a travesty of Justice, but it seems as though it is the law that is paramount and not Justice. This is why people are turning to Europe for answers when those answers can be obtained in the UK.

  4. Charles Jackson-Smythe says:

    The view as expressed by Richard at 17.20hrs yesterday the 22nd totally reflects the points of view that we at support. The fact that men are guilty, that women are innocent and that old fashioned and disputed rationale for having the mother as a default to be the Resident Parent is promulgated by the ‘Experts’ is against all norms of rational behaviour and Justice. We should be delighted should Richard find the time to attend and maybe do a presentation at our ‘Free to Attend’ Convention in Bedford on 12th March 2016, his clarity of argument would be most welcome in our quest for simple equality and fairness and the need for Judges to be further educated on the issues surrounding the evidence that is prepared, particularly, where the best interests of children are involved. Bereaved fathers have to cope or are they second class parents?

  5. Roy Wybenga says:

    What about violence instigated by women against previous partners via the broader community, the silent hidden cancer where she cries wolf with intent on vengeance, spreading her doom seeking a reaction from those that will listen, drug dealers, anyone at all? There is much much more to this debate, sexual favors do get exchanged through manipulation & one night stands in the darkness.
    “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned!”

  6. Paul Apreda says:

    We launched this survey on 14th August in response to the request from EHRC on 11th August which said
    ‘I’d be grateful if you could direct me towards recent published reports or studies that discuss this issue – as you may have seen during the IBF Wales conference, we’re keen to collect robust evidence on issues and trends.’
    Our survey currently has 160 responses in 3 weeks – Rights of Women achieved 117 responses in 3 months.
    Having kept EHRC up to date with the progress of the data collection and some interim results we next heard from them on 4th September to inform us that
    ‘Under the criteria for the ‘Is Britain Fairer 2015’ report we are keen to gather evidence from published robust sources, and for the purposes of managing our evidence collection currently have a cut-off date for evidence which has now passed’
    I wonder whether anyone else is concerned that EHRC may inadvertently publish a report that they know to be misleading?

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