Stonewalling: Emotional Abuse

What is Stonewalling in a relationship?

In a marriage or romantic relationship, stonewalling is a form of control as it cuts off communication and cooperation. This puts obstacles in the way of overcoming issues or making decisions about the future.

Stonewalling in a relationship can have lots of different motivations.

In some cases, it is a form of punishment as one partner seeks to punish the other because of something they have done, or the stonewaller believes they have done. It is common in relationships for partners to believe their spouse to know what is wrong without it having to be said.

Stonewalling can be a learned behaviour and some people stonewall as a habit. This can be a result of the environment they were raised in, for example if their family never discussed feelings or if sensitive or emotional topics were met with negative responses. Stonewalling can be preferable for those who struggle to talk about emotions as it is a way of avoiding any conversation.

Intentional & Unintentional Stonewalling

In relationships, couples can fall out of the habit of discussing their emotions. If one partner is confused about their feelings, they can decide it is better to say nothing at all, leading to unintentional stonewalling.

Stonewalling can also be used to create distance between a couple, particularly if one or both parties feel that the relationship has reached its end.

Intentional stonewalling in a relationship can be destructive. One partner may use it to give themselves power over the other and feel a sense of domination.

Stonewalling is extremely harmful to relationships. It leads to lack of trust between the partners, prevents communication and creates an imbalance of power.

Ultimately, stonewalling can lead to the breakdown of relationships.