It is however, always useful to think about more emotional support during this difficult time. Lawyers are a very expensive shoulder to cry on, so while we will be there for you to worry about the legal process, counselling may be an important step to consider during or after the process.

Family and friends

People say that through the process they are in an emotional haze, on auto pilot. Just as no marriage is the same, every divorce is a different journey too, you may feel a mix of emotions including shock, anger, hurt and relief.

Lean on your family and friends to talk things through. While you might not feel able to talk openly with other people about your feelings during divorce, close friends can provide an emotional crutch. If you have been there in the past for them, now it’s their turn to be a shoulder to cry on, but be sure they can remain impartial and confidential.

It’s also true that time is a great healer, even though it is hard to envisage your feelings and emotions in the near or distant future when you’re in the middle of such a challenging time. But as time passes, things may start getting a little easier as you accept and manage this change.

Counsellors & Therapy

Counselling can be a great way to talk over some of your thoughts and fears. A counsellor will be an impartial ear to listen to you and can offer coping strategies.

There are all kinds of people, businesses and charities, you can turn to for support including professionally trained counsellors and therapists.

You can find counselling services in your area through the NHS:

There are also a variety of other independent professionals such as Relate and couples counsellors, as well as charity organisations.

Children's Needs

Another thing to consider is the impact this monumental shift in your life will have on your children if you have them. While some divorces can be amicable with very few arguments, many are not so fortunate. Children are resilient and can handle change, so splitting up is not necessarily damaging by itself but regular arguments that become loud and heated can lead to problems for them both in the short term and once they enter adulthood.

Depending on the age of your children, you may want to talk to them about the divorce and your relationship. If parents can tell their children together this can help, they need to know that both parents still love them and that they can have a relationship with both parents. Some children will want to ask lots of questions so be prepared to answer some tough questions, but other children my retreat, be very quiet or be more tearful. The better a parent can handle the initial reactions as well as those throughout the divorce process, the better a child will feel about the situation.

Many children may carry the thought of divorce with them into adulthood which may even affect their relationships in the future. When talking with children about divorce:

  • Reassure – tell them they are still loved and that they will get through this difficult time
  • Manage your own emotions – don’t take it out on the kids and try not to get too upset
  • Don’t communicate through your children – this could be either to your ex-spouse or family, or it could be to use them as a counsellor
  • Maintain routines and boundaries
  • Get professional help and support

Remember, the children’s welfare should be your priority. If this means your contact order is not what you wanted then that might be best for the children.

There are charities and organisations that work specifically with children going through divorce:

Relate work with children during and after divorce