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Are you a parent thinking of asking for a court order?
The court wants you to think about these things first:
- As parents, you share responsibility for your children and have a duty to talk to each other and make every effort to agree about how you will bring them up.
- Even when you separate this duty continues.
- Try to agree on the arrangements for your child. If talking to each other is difficult, ask for help. Trained mediators can help you talk to each other and find solutions, even when things are hard.
- If you cannot agree you can ask the court to decide for you. The law says that the court must always put the welfare of your child first.
What you want may not be the best thing for your child. The court has to put your child first, however hard that is for the adults.
- Experience suggests that court—imposed orders work less well than agreements made between you as parents.
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What does the family court expect from parents in terms of their children?
- Encourage your child to have a good relationship with both of you.
- Try to have a good enough relationship with each other as parents. even though you are no longer together as a couple.
- Arrange for your child to spend time with each of you.
Remember, the court expects you to do what is best for your child even when you find that difficult.
It is the law that a child has a right to regular personal contact with both parents unless there is a very good reason to the contrary. Denial of contact is very unusual and in most cases contact will be frequent and substantial. The court may deny contact if it is satisfied that your or your child’s safety is at risk.
Sometimes a parent stops contact because she/he feels that she/ he is not getting enough money from the other parent to look after the child. This is not a reason to stop contact.
Your child needs to:
- Understand what is happening to their family. It is your job to explain.
- Have a loving, open relationship with both parents. It is your job to encourage this. You may be separating from each other, but your child needs to know that he/she is not being separated from either of you.
- Show love, affection and respect for both parents. Your child should not be made to: • Blame him/ herself for the break up.
- Hear you talking disrespectfully about the other parent (or anyone else involved). • Turn against the other parent because they think that is what you want.
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How can you help your child?
- Think about how he or she feels about the break up.
- Listen to what your child has to say: – About how he/ she is feeling – About what he /she thinks of any arrangements that have to be made.
- Try to agree arrangements for your child (including contact) with the other parent.
- Talk to the other parent: openly, honestly and respectfully.
- Explain your point of view to the other parent so that you don’t misunderstand each other.
- Draw up a plan as to how you will share responsibility for your child.
- When you have different ideas from the other parent, do not talk about it when the children are with you.
Can I be denied contact from my child?
The court prioritises the child’s best interests and therefore will only deny contact if the child’s safety is at risk. It is worth noting that failure to make a child support payment is not a reason for preventing contact alone.
What should you do if you want to change agreed arrangements (such as where the child lives or goes to school):
- Make sure the other parent agrees.
- If you cannot agree, go to mediation.
- If you still cannot agree, apply to the court.
If there is a court order already in place, you must do what the court order says, even if you don’t agree with it. If you want to do something different you have to apply to the court to have the court order varied or discharged.
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What our clients say
Harriet Donavan and her team were amazingly helpful throughout my protracted and painful divorce. She guided me through areas that I was not aware of and helped me get to the point where I was able to fight successfully for better equity and time with my kids.
I approached Louise to help me with my, divorce, finances and safeguarding issues around my children . Louise was extremely professional, friendly and knowledgeable. She offered me so much support and guidance and was with me every step of the way. It never felt like anything was too much trouble and I always felt reassured. I would highly recommend Louise at Stowe family law, if you are looking for a highly professional and superb service then I suggest you instruct Stowe family law to act on your behalf as I am so grateful that I did.
Sarah is extremely diligent, hard working and thinks outside the box which enables her to achieve good results under difficult circumstances. I was particularly impressed with her calm approach during the divorce proceedings, something that made me feel in control of the situation. Sarah cares about her clients needs and looks at the bigger picture, making her clients aware of potential issues. I am very grateful to Sarah for her insight and advice on issues that I never would have even considered were an important part of my divorce case. Divorce is a very unpleasant experience and if you are unfortunate to have to go through the process, you require a legal representative who is on top of their game, has great personal interaction and communication skills and makes their client feel that they are in very safe and competent hands. Sarah Hodges is that solicitor.
I would like to send thanks to all at Stowe Family Law, especially Rachel Joyce who was professional and compassionate throughout. She spoke to me on a level I could understand during a case where I struggled with the terms and made the whole process so much easier. Having her there with me was very comforting. Thank you for giving me the extra few weeks to pay each bill as well! The flexibility was certainly needed during this time. I will certainly recommend your company to others should they find themselves in similar circumstances.
Thank you for your professionalism in the way that you have dealt with my case. You have shown a great understanding and clearly have excellent knowledge in this particular field, and this has no doubt helped to the point where at times it has often felt that due to your questioning skills, this has had the effect of putting the other party on the "back foot", and indeed I sometimes felt we had the upper hand. This was never more apparent than crucial questions were posed which I felt ultimately led to [my wife] reviewing her position and initially withdrawing her application.
I would like to thank Kate Sarsfield, QC Katherine Dunseath and Gill Bridger for all the hard work and immense support they have all given me over the past six months. Stowe handled my divorce in 2013 to 2015 and then a capital settlement plus lifetime maintenance for our down syndrome daughter five years later. It has been an extremely emotional and stressful experience for myself and our two special needs children. I cannot thank the Stowe team enough for their professionalism, quality advice, empathy and wonderful support. We fought a very hard battle and won! I will always recommend Stowe Family Law.
I have recently been through a very frustrating divorce. What a pleasure to work with Camilla who was professional, understandable, approachable and always in control of a very awkward situation. I would not hesitate to recommend her. Once again a big thank you Camilla
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