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How to tell the children you are getting divorced
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Telling your children about divorce is one of the hardest conversations a parent can face. By the end of this article, you’ll know how to approach it with care, thanks to guidance from our UK divorce experts.
How to tell children about divorce
When deciding to tell your children about divorce, we recommend sitting down together as parents, calmly and when you all have ample time to ensure the discussion is not rushed. Use simple, age-appropriate language, being sure to reassure them they are loved and not to blame for anything, and let them know what will stay the same, e.g. their school, or their regular visits to grandparents. You don’t have to tell them the more complex details, but you should expect a range of reactions and make it clear that they can ask any questions that they want.
If you’ve reached the point of explaining your separation to your children, you’ve likely already experienced a great deal of emotions. The conversation about telling your children you’re getting divorced can feel daunting, but how you handle it can shape how your children process the news for years to come. With a little preparation, you can give them the reassurance and stability they need.
Supporting children through divorce
Why does how you tell children about divorce matter?
According to the latest data from the Office for National Statistics, there were 105,704 final divorce orders granted in England and Wales in 2025. That means countless parents face this exact moment every year, so you are not alone.
How children are told about divorce often influences how well they cope. The conversation sets the tone for everything that follows. Handled with warmth and honesty, it can reassure children that they are still loved and that their day-to-day, while changing, remains secure.
When it’s not handled well, it can leave lasting confusion or guilt. The effects of divorce on children vary by age and personality, for example, younger children may experience separation anxiety, while older ones may feel resentment. We’ll explain the best ways to tell children about divorce depending on their age further in the article.
What steps should you follow when telling children about divorce?
Whatever your children’s ages or your family’s circumstances, a few steps can guide you through the conversation.
What steps should you follow when telling children about divorce?
Whatever your children’s ages or your family’s circumstances, a few steps can guide you through the conversation.
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1) Tell them together
If it’s safe and possible, both parents should be present when telling children about separation. This shows a united front and signals that you’ll both continue to care for them and love them.
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2) Choose the right moment
Pick a quiet time without distractions, ideally not right before school, bedtime, or a big event. This ensures everyone has the time to absorb the news and react accordingly. It also means children have the opportunity to ask questions.
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3) Keep it simple and honest
Children don’t need the full story – just enough to understand what’s happening. You should still be honest to keep the trust with your children, but do so appropriately. What you decide to share with your children should be agreed in advance if both parents are telling them together.
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4) Reassure, then reassure again
Make it clear that the divorce isn’t their fault and that both you and your spouse still love them. This message often needs repeating more than once.
How do you tell young children about divorce?
Young children think in concrete terms, so explanations need to be simple and focused on their day-to-day world. What they really want to know is how their life will change.
We recommend keeping your language clear and gentle, for example: “Mummy and Daddy have decided to live in different houses, but we both love you very much, and that will never change.” Avoid going into the reasons behind the decision, as they don’t need to know that at this young age.
When telling young children about divorce, try to focus on what stays the same. This is because predictability can be reassuring to kids at this age.
A few things help younger children feel secure:
- Use familiar words: Stick to terms they already understand and avoid words like ‘separation’ without explanation
- Expect repetition: Young children often ask the same questions over and over. It’s important to answer patiently each time, as it’s not their fault that they don’t really understand what is happening
- Reassure them it’s not their fault: Little children frequently blame themselves, so say plainly that they did nothing wrong
- Watch for changes in behaviour: Regression, clinginess, or trouble sleeping can be normal responses, so offering extra comfort in this period can help them
- Inform their nursery or school: Letting their keyworker or teacher know about the separation, and informing them they may need extra support, means they will be looked after when they’re not at home, too
If you’re struggling to find the right words, there are many excellent books to help children cope with divorce that explain the situation in a way young minds can grasp.
How do you tell primary school children and tweens about divorce?
Children aged 6-12 can usually understand that you are separating, but they may struggle with what it means emotionally. At this age, they often look for someone to blame or hold on to the hope that you and your spouse might get back together.
It can help to normalise their feelings, whilst also reiterating to them, clearly and kindly, that the decision is settled. As hard as this may feel to them, it can spare them from holding on to false hope further down the line.
Again, we recommend explaining what will happen next. Children of this age are often reassured by practical details, such as:
- Who is picking them up
- Where they will be staying
- What their routine will look like
The clearer and more predictable things feel, the more secure they are likely to feel.
How do you tell adult children about divorce?
It’s a common misconception that adult children are unaffected by their parents’ divorce. In reality, the news can hit hard, even for those with families of their own. Adult children may grieve the family home, question childhood memories, or feel caught between two parents.
When you tell adult children about divorce, treat them with the maturity they deserve – but be mindful not to overshare. They are not your confidants, and details about the breakdown of the marriage can place an unfair burden on them.
Our tips for adult children of divorce offer further detail on how to approach this conversation.
There are a few ways to make this conversation easier:
How do you tell adult children about divorce?
It’s a common misconception that adult children are unaffected by their parents’ divorce. In reality, the news can hit hard, even for those with families of their own. Adult children may grieve the family home, question childhood memories, or feel caught between two parents.
When you tell adult children about divorce, treat them with the maturity they deserve – but be mindful not to overshare. They are not your confidants, and details about the breakdown of the marriage can place an unfair burden on them.
Our tips for adult children of divorce offer further detail on how to approach this conversation.
There are a few ways to make this conversation easier:
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Tell them in person where possible
A phone or video call is far kinder than a text or email. Being there in person gives them space to react and ask questions.
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Don't ask them to take sides
Adult children often feel pressure to choose between parents. Make it clear, gently and early, that you don’t expect this of them.
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Keep the details private
Resist confiding the reasons behind the divorce or speaking negatively about your former partner. Those details rarely help and can linger.
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Allow them to process
Even grown children may need time to absorb the news and may react emotionally. Give them room to come to terms with it in their own way.
What should you say – and what should you avoid?
Knowing the right words to say when telling your kids about divorce can ease any anxiety. The goal is to be honest and reassuring without burdening your children with adult problems. It helps to keep children at the centre of the conversation, not in the middle of it.
Our guide on keeping children at the centre, not the middle of separation, explains this further.
Helpful things to say include:
- “This isn’t your fault”: Children of all ages need to hear this, often more than once
- “We both love you and always will”: Reassurance that your love for them hasn’t changed
- “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused”: Naming feelings gives children permission to express them
- “You can ask us anything, anytime”: Keeping the door open invites ongoing conversation
Things to avoid:
- Blaming your partner: Speaking negatively about your former spouse puts children in an uncomfortable position
- Oversharing adult details: Money worries, infidelity, or legal disputes aren’t for children to carry
- Making promises you can’t keep: Be honest about what you don’t yet know rather than offering false certainty
- Forcing a single conversation: This is likely to be an ongoing process, not a one-off discussion
If you’ve since met someone new, that’s a separate conversation for another time. When you’re ready, our advice on telling your children about a new partner after divorce can help you approach it thoughtfully.
How do you support children after the conversation?
Children process change gradually, and the support you offer in the weeks and months afterwards matters just as much as how you broke the news about your divorce.
Consistency is your greatest tool. We recommend trying to keep routines, rules, and expectations steady across both households where you can. This is because familiarity can help kids feel secure when other parts of their lives feel uncertain.
Let your children know that questions are always welcome and check in gently rather than waiting for them to come to you.
Our guide on helping your children through divorce and separation offers practical tips you can return to as circumstances evolve.
Hear from one of our experts
Kiren Kaur, a Solicitor at our family law office in Bishop’s Stortford, says:
“When talking to children about divorce, honesty, reassurance and consistency are key. This will be a particularly challenging time for any child, and so children will need to know that the separation is not their fault, that both parents will continue to be in their lives and love and support them.
“It is also encouraging and helpful to advise them that they will be kept informed of any changes so that the conversation is left open-ended. Often, children need time to process the news, and so making them aware that the door is always open for further conversation is beneficial.
“Where possible, parents should have these conversations together and agree on what they are going to share in advance, as this will present a united and reassuring message that prioritises their child’s wellbeing.”
When should you seek additional help?
Most children adjust to divorce with time, patience, and reassurance. But some need extra support, and there’s no shame in seeking it.
We recommend watching out for signs that your child may be struggling more than expected, such as:
- Persistent changes in mood or behaviour
- Withdrawal from friends or activities
- Difficulties at school
- Trouble with sleeping and eating that don’t seem to ease over time
If these continue, it may be worth seeking external help.
When should you seek additional help?
Most children adjust to divorce with time, patience, and reassurance. But some need extra support, and there’s no shame in seeking it.
We recommend watching out for signs that your child may be struggling more than expected, such as:
- Persistent changes in mood or behaviour
- Withdrawal from friends or activities
- Difficulties at school
- Trouble with sleeping and eating that don’t seem to ease over time
If these continue, it may be worth seeking external help.
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Your GP
Your GP should be your first port of call, as they can refer you to specialist services and help you understand what support is available locally.
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School staff
Teachers and pastoral teams at school can offer day-to-day support and keep a caring eye on your child’s wellbeing during the transition.
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Cafcass
Cafcass (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) offers free resources designed for both parents and children.
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Children's books and guides
Age-appropriate materials can help children make sense of their feelings and feel less alone in what they’re going through.
How can you move forward as a family after this conversation?
There’s no perfect script for telling your children about divorce. What matters most is that they feel loved, safe, and free of blame – and that message comes through far more in your warmth and consistency than in any single set of words.
Be patient with your children, and with yourself. Typically, this will be numerous conversations, so there’s no need to get everything ‘right’ in one conversation.
Remember that you don’t have to face this moment alone. With time, patience, and the right support around you, your family can move forward with clarity and care.
If you’d want advice on your divorce, our specialist family law team is here to help whenever you feel ready, you can get in touch to chat to our experts.
What our clients say
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May 2026
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Nov 2025
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Nov 2025
Filomena and her team helped me through the worst time of my life. Having left an abusive marriage with my two little girls, I was living in the UK without any family support, Filomena was there every step of the way with expert advice and support. The court granted me permission to relocate to Ireland with my girls. It was a very difficult case, one that seemed impossible to win, but thanks to Filomena, Emel and the rest of the team my children and I were able to permanently leave the UK. I will never be able to thank them enough for getting me through such a horrible time and getting us home to our family in Ireland.
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May 2024
Amy Turner at Stowe and Law solicitors has been working on dealing with my affairs through a divorce. Amy gave advice and support when needed and tells you as she sees it. Amy gave options through out the process at every stage that I could take without pushing me into an option and respects your decisions.
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