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1) Looking for relief from prolonged issues
If your relationship has had issues simmering for a long time, with you both emotionally distancing from each other and providing no support, it’s natural to want a moment of relief. Your brain may see this as ending your marriage.
Constantly walking on eggshells, feeling tension at home, and feeling yourself emotionally checking out is tiring. Finding yourself constantly considering divorce isn’t necessarily that you don’t love your partner, but more that you are craving a life with peace and safety.
2) Other areas of your life are stressed, and divorce seems like a reset
If work, family, or mental health struggles are leading you to feel more stressed, sometimes your brain makes you feel like divorce will wipe the slate clean.
Some people may view it as a way to get a fresh start, forget who they used to be and begin life again.
3) Unresolved past issues
If your marriage has experienced cheating, lies regarding finances, or promises to ‘change’ with nothing changing, you may still hold a grievance about your spouse.
Although you may think that you’re past the hurt, your heart may feel different. This lingering sense of betrayal can lead you to never completely trust them again, making it natural for your brain to think about separation.
4) Your partner shows patterns of abuse
If you have a partner who gaslights, manipulates, or controls you, your mind may start thinking about separating from your partner as a signal to yourself to get away and protect yourself. Coercive control is a criminal offence, as solidified under the 2021 Domestic Abuse Act.
If you are in immediate danger of domestic abuse, please call the police on 999 or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
5) Growing disconnection between you both
One of the main reasons why you might feel separation is the answer is actually a disconnection between you and your spouse.
If you feel more like housemates than a couple, you only discuss the practical things like who is picking up the kids, household chores, or paying bills, and you feel like you do things alone, rather than together, that may be the issue. However, it then comes down to whether you want to salvage your relationship or not.
Knowing if you should actually get divorced is a decision that only you can make.
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What will I get in a divorce?
When splitting assets in a divorce, the courts aim to make the division as fair as possible. They will take into consideration various factors, such as:
- The length of the marriage
- The wellbeing of any children
- Earning capacities
- Pensions and their future potential
- Standard of living
To find out what you are entitled to in a divorce settlement, check out our latest advice.
What are the things to consider when thinking about divorce?
If you are thinking about ending your marriage, there are certain things you can do to get yourself in a better position.
- Gather financial information: One of the biggest challenges is splitting finances, which isn’t always a 50/50 split in divorce. By starting to keep an eye on bank accounts, mortgage statements, pension pots, and any savings or inheritance, you will be more prepared to complete your financial disclosure for the Form E. By working towards a Consent Order, you can ensure a clean break between you both, which is necessary to prevent your ex-spouse from making financial claim against you years into the future.
- Begin solo therapy: While you may think that couples therapy may be best to save your marriage – and it may – going to a therapist alone can help you consider your feelings. They can help you figure out if you want to fix your marriage or separate.
- Answer any practical questions: Considering a new future can be overwhelming with all the unknowns. Educating yourself on the UK’s divorce process can help to remove any worries you have by answering practical questions, understanding what obstacles you may face, and recognising the rights you have.
- Consider your safety: If your marriage involves narcissistic abuse, coercive control, or any form of domestic abuse, leaving your marriage must be handled with extreme care.
- Arrangements for your children: If you have kids, consider how they may adjust to the changes. Having a clear idea of what arrangements you want for your kids and preparing for a smooth transition for them could help them adjust better.
- Consult a divorce solicitor: The thought of divorce can be scary, but knowledge is power. Speaking with an experienced divorce solicitor can help you understand the legal realities of ending your marriage
Siobhan Vegh, Partner at our family law office in Camden, says:
“Thinking about separating from a partner can leave you feeling completely overwhelmed – there are so many practical considerations which can be really difficult to focus on when clouded with emotions.
“You may not even be thinking about divorce at the early stages, but a meeting with a specialist family lawyer may give you clarity as to your rights and obligations in the event of a divorce and any protective steps you can take whilst you consider your options.”
Solicitor’s tip: Under the new no-fault divorce laws, you do not need to provide a reason, such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour, to get a divorce. If you decide the marriage is over, you have the legal right to exit, regardless of whether your spouse agrees.
If you want an award-winning team by your side during your divorce, get in touch with our experts today.
What if I start getting divorced and change my mind?
You can stop or withdraw your divorce application at any point before the Final Order is granted (at which stage the marriage is legally dissolved). Feeling doubts about your decision is to be expected, and the new no-fault divorce system has a mandatory 20-week reflection period built into the process. This waiting period has been specifically designed to give individuals and couples time to pause legal proceedings, reflect on their decisions, and seek support.
The next stage of the process would be to apply for a Conditional Order, but if you change your mind, you can simply choose not to progress the paperwork. Of course, you may change your mind at another stage. All you need to do is stop or withdraw your application before the Final Order is approved. The way you applied for your divorce can impact the approach:
Sole applicant
If you filed as a sole applicant and your spouse has not been formally served the papers, you can typically withdraw the application by writing directly to the court. If your spouse has already been served, you will need to apply to the court to have the application formally dismissed.
Joint applicant
As joint applicants, you must both provide written consent to the court to withdraw the application. If one party wants to halt the process, but the other wishes to proceed, the application can be converted into a sole application to allow the willing party to move forward.
Can I just pause my application rather than stop?
Yes, if you’re not 100% sure you want to completely stop your divorce, you can always pause the application instead. Under UK law, a divorce application can lie ‘dormant’ for 12 months before it lapses and the court considers the case inactive or overdue.
If I stop my divorce partway through the process, will I lose money?
Yes, if you choose to pause your divorce for reconciliation, you will lose some money. How much you end up losing depends entirely on how far into the process you are and what legal arrangements you have already made.
For example, you will not get refunded for:
- The £612 court fee
- The work your solicitor has completed up to the exact moment you tell them to stop
- Mandatory MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) meetings for finances or child arrangements
- The £60 consent order fee
If we reconcile and decide to divorce again, do we need a new divorce application?
If you decide to divorce your spouse after a reconciliation with your spouse, you will need to start the entire process from the beginning. This means filing a new application and paying the £612 court fee again.
If you need advice on how to divorce your spouse or you’re just considering a divorce, our specialists have been helping couples around the UK for over 50 years. To have an award-winning team in your corner, reach out to our experts today or call 0330 159 9819 to find out more.
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