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How mediation can help you separate
1) Understand your decision
Before initiating the conversation, take the time to understand your decision. Reflect on your emotions, motives, and reasons for seeking a divorce. Is it your partner who is causing your unhappiness or are you struggling in other areas of your life? You may find counselling or mediation support helpful to gain clarity and ensure that this is the right step for you.
It’s essential to be honest with yourself and understand your own feelings and needs, as it’s no secret that the implications of ending a marriage can be great. You want to ensure this is a decision you’re confident in before proceeding.
2) Planning and preparation
Planning and preparation are crucial for a successful conversation. Choose the right time and place to talk to your spouse, where you can have privacy and avoid interruptions. If you have children, we recommend that they be out of the house when you have this conversation. This way, both you and your spouse can talk in a private and safe environment free from disruptions. You can then agree on a suitable time to inform the children when you both feel this is appropriate.
Think about how you believe they will react, and any questions you may have, so that you can prepare any answers and get yourself in the right frame of mind.
Gather important documents such as financial records, property titles, and any other relevant information that may be needed during the divorce and financial settlement process. Consider the division of your assets and the further implications of your divorce, such as child arrangement orders.
Our divorce lawyers will be able to help you with this, as well as protect your rights and interests. Reach out to our team today to find out more.
3) Communication and conversation
When it comes to asking for a divorce, clear and compassionate communication is key. Start the divorce conversation with empathy and express your feelings and needs honestly. Approaching your divorce from a calm, respectful, and empathetic perspective can set the tone for the rest of your divorce.
Use active listening skills to understand your spouse’s perspective and avoid interrupting or blaming. If you find yourself getting emotionally distressed or responding with anger, be sure to take deep breaths to find calm and get back to what you wanted to discuss.
Be respectful and avoid using negative or accusatory language. Instead, use “I” statements to express your own feelings and desires. Be prepared for different reactions from your spouse, including anger, sadness, withdrawal, or denial, and respond with patience and understanding.
If you are faced with unwanted emotions, remember that this person is someone you have shared many great times with and may be your children’s parent. They deserve to be treated with care and respect, even in difficult situations.
You will also need to consider how to tell your children you are getting divorced. You will then need to confirm childcare arrangements and how you plan to co-parent together. It may be worth assuring your partner that the wellbeing of your children is still your priority, and you will work to do this together.
Solicitor’s tip: We don’t recommend discussing how to tell your kids when you initially ask your spouse for a divorce. Your spouse both needs and deserves the time to come to terms with it themselves before sharing with anyone else. You could always ask them to come back to you when they are ready to plan how to tell the children together.
4) Dealing with emotions
The process of asking for a divorce can be emotionally challenging for both parties. It’s important to acknowledge and manage your own emotions during and after the conversation. Find healthy ways to cope with anger, sadness, or guilt, such as talking to a therapist, confiding in supportive friends or family, or engaging in self-care activities like exercise or meditation.
It’s equally important to be compassionate towards your spouse’s emotions as well and avoid engaging in conflict or blaming. After your divorce conversation, your spouse may decide that they are unwilling to participate and want to stay together – especially at the beginning.
Although you have been considering this for a while, it is likely to be a shock for them. Be sure to give them time to digest the information and come to terms with the end of their marriage. If they still do not want to get divorced after a couple of weeks, it is worth having another conversation about your divorce.
Are you willing to work on your marriage with your spouse, or do you still feel the same? It’s important to be honest with yourself and your spouse. If the latter, we recommend seeking advice on how to communicate effectively.
5) Moving forward
Once you and your spouse have agreed that getting a divorce is the right outcome for your situation, it’s important to take practical steps to move forward. Set clear boundaries with your spouse to establish a healthy separation.
We also recommend finding a divorce lawyer to help you begin the proceedings. This should not be seen as negative from either side. You have a right to understand your legal rights and obligations, and the majority of solicitors will aim to deal with matters as peacefully and amicably as possible.
Hear from one of our expert divorce lawyers
Sophie Croft, based at our Newcastle law office, says:
“Some may think that family lawyers are seeking to break up couples but in fact, it is the complete opposite. It is our duty to ask whether there is any chance of reconciliation, and we encourage you to seek assistance from services such as marriage counsellors.
“The no-fault divorce process also includes various ‘cooling-off’ periods where you can withdraw your divorce application if you decide you want to stay married.
“Divorce lawyers are here to assist when there is no chance of reconciliation to guide you through the divorce process, resolving financial and property matters arising from your separation and the arrangements for your children.”
A solicitor can help you make practical arrangements for separation or divorce, such as dividing assets, deciding on custody arrangements if applicable, and determining financial responsibilities.
Our divorce solicitors helping you move forward with life confidently
Asking for a divorce from your spouse is a difficult decision, but with careful planning, compassionate communication, and self-care, it is possible to navigate this process in a healthy and constructive manner. You truly can end your marriage peacefully.
Remember to seek support from trusted friends, family, or our divorce lawyers. With over 90 offices across the UK, you’re sure to find local solicitors who are here to help you. It’s important to prioritise your wellbeing and take practical steps to move forward. You are not alone, and with time and effort, you can find healing and a new beginning.
What our clients say
Luanne Morton
Nov 2025
Luanne has been fantastic in helping me navigate the complexities of my divorce, child arrangements, and potential financial orders. Her advice was always delivered professionally, yet in a way that was easy to understand and empathetic to the emotional rollercoaster I’m currently experiencing.
Stowe Family Law, as a firm, were transparent from the beginning about the potential costs and stages of my case. This honesty gave me clarity and peace of mind, knowing that everything was being managed properly.
—A Matthews
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Imrana Masters
Nov 2025
Imrana from Stowes has done a tremendous amount of work for me in the last 4 weeks.
Previously, I was with another solicitor for nearly two years, I was constantly chasing, instructions were not clear & hardly any progress was made. The final straw was when my old solicitor said she was unavailable to represent me in court with no explanation (even though I asked)
I decided to take the plunge so close to the hearing and move over to Stowes after reading their reviews & I'm so pleased I did.
Imrana has and still is very clear, reassuring and checks in on how I'm doing regularly, her standard of work has been impeccable and I cant thank her enough.
There has been so much for her to complete in the timeframe she's had, all deadlines have been made.
Imrana has made a really difficult time feel easier, she has taken a lot of my anxiety away by her kind words & reassurance.
Thank you so much, I will 100% recommend Imrana and the team at Stowes.
—K Brooks
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Amy Turner
Nov 2025
Firstly I’d like to thank Amy Turner for all her hard work and continued support while going through a break up with my ex partner. Not only did I get the result I wanted today out of a very complicated situation, but throughout my case I felt she genuinely cared about my wellbeing. Amy was always professional & gave me clear advice making me feel she always had my back. If you want a good solicitor Amy is the best in my eyes.
—D Wilson
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Emel Hamit
Filomena Sterkaj
Nov 2025
Filomena and her team helped me through the worst time of my life. Having left an abusive marriage with my two little girls, I was living in the UK without any family support, Filomena was there every step of the way with expert advice and support. The court granted me permission to relocate to Ireland with my girls. It was a very difficult case, one that seemed impossible to win, but thanks to Filomena, Emel and the rest of the team my children and I were able to permanently leave the UK. I will never be able to thank them enough for getting me through such a horrible time and getting us home to our family in Ireland.
—Anon
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Rebecca Calden-Storr
Oct 2024
Rebecca Calden-Storr and Hannah Stubbs have excellent attention to detail.
—Legal 500
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Amy Turner
May 2024
Amy Turner at Stowe and Law solicitors has been working on dealing with my affairs through a divorce. Amy gave advice and support when needed and tells you as she sees it. Amy gave options through out the process at every stage that I could take without pushing me into an option and respects your decisions.
Amy worked tirelessly to achieve the aims that I asked her to deal with efficiently and professionally and wasted no time when receiving emails. Amy judging by the time of emails i received works long hours to achieve her targets. Amy is a pleasure to work with and will follow through on what she says she will do, you can rely on her to get the work done
—Ms R B
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Sarah McLoughlin
May 2024
I saw Sarah McLoughlin as part of my 'Next steps Meeting.'
Sarah was an excellent listener giving easy to understand information in a calm manner.
She broke down the next steps in a format that I felt empowered to undertake.
She was knowledgeable and friendly.
I was nervous at the start of the meeting but she was able to put my fears at ease and I finished the meeting feeling relieved and smiling.
—J D
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Pooja Patel
Sep 2023
Pooja Patel helped me through cases involving my children and divorce. She is very supportive and was very amazing and got the results needed in very difficult circumstances. I’m thankful l had Pooja at my side and do not know what l would have done without her.
—Mr S N
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