The festive season can be one of the hardest times of the year when you’ve gone through family breakdown. Whether you’re approaching your first Christmas season after separation or divorce or you have navigated a few years already, there can be questions around how you spend the day, who with, and, importantly for parents of pets (or ‘pawrents’), how to split time with your furry friend.
Pets are incredibly important in family life, and disputes over pet ownership are becoming increasingly common when a couple has gone through divorce or separation. Christmas can often exacerbate these tensions.
Who gets the pet at Christmas?
Christmas is only one day of the year, but in many calendars it is the day we all look forward to, and a day to be with loved ones. When your family includes a pet, you will often want to make sure they are included in the festivities, possibly buying them presents, making sure your Christmas Day or Boxing Day walk includes the dog, and giving them cheeky titbits from the dinner table.
There is no set rule about who should get the pet at Christmas. You and your ex-partner will need to decide, keeping the wellbeing of the pet central. For example, if one of you will be travelling during the festive season to visit family and friends, it might be more sensible for the other person to have the pet to minimise disruption to their routine.
It will also depend on the type of pet you have, their age and their temperament. In a similar way to child arrangements at Christmas, you will need to decide the most sensible option based on a number of factors. It may be that you can swap the pet during the day or take it a day at a time.
What is a shared care arrangement for a pet?
After divorce or separation, some couples opt for a shared care arrangement for their pet. This means that the pet is cared for by each person on an equal, or mostly equal rotation. Costs of vets’ bills, food and any other expenses are split equally.
A shared care arrangement can be maintained over the Christmas period. In some cases, it might be more sensible for you and your ex to stick to your regular routine around Christmas. This can prevent any upset or confusion, particularly at a time when there is a lot else going on.
Your shared care arrangement can be flexible. However, it can be helpful to document what your weekly schedule will be for the pet including:
- Handover days/times
- Breakdown of costs (to be updated when prices change)
- Who pays for what
- Responsibilities involved in caring for the pet
- What happens if one person is on holiday, poorly or otherwise unable to take their normal responsibility
- Emergency plans
How you document this is up to you. However, you could take a parenting plan as inspiration and fill in the relevant sections. Parenting plans are used by parents after divorce or separation as a formalised, but not legally binding, way of understanding schedules and responsibilities of co-parents.
See an example of a parenting plan template
Negotiating Christmas arrangements
For some couples, working out their Christmas arrangements is as simple as having an open conversation. For others, things may not be quite so easy.
If you and your ex-struggle to agree on pet care over the festive season, your first port of call should be mediation. Mediation is dispute resolution method involving an unbiased third-party mediator who helps to conduct your conversations. The mediator will ensure both your points of view are heard and help you reach an agreement.
If mediation is unsuccessful, you may need to speak to a family lawyer about your situation and get their expert advice. Family solicitors can also negotiate with your ex on your behalf. However, mediation would be preferable and more cost-effective.
Unfortunately, at the moment, the court is not obliged to consider the wellbeing of pets in family disputes. They are also considered ‘chattel’ so any application to court would need to be made as part of your financial remedy proceedings.
Read more about how pets are treated in divorce.
This means that the court is not a place for solving disputes about who gets the pet at Christmas.
Conclusion
Divorce and separation bring a lot of change, and Christmas can bring a lot of emotional and practical issues to the fore. For parents of pets, it can be an emotional time as you are used to spending these special occasions as a family.
It is important that you and your ex keep the wellbeing of your furry friend at the centre of your decision making around the festive season. It can be stressful for animals, as well as humans, so their comfort is paramount. In an ideal world, you and your ex should have an open and reasonable conversation about how you want to split Christmas. If this is not possible, mediation could be a helpful resolution method.
Useful Links
Debunking divorce myths: Pets are treated like children in divorce
How do separated parents split Christmas
