Modern dating has given us plenty of new labels and situationship might be the most confusing of them all. Is it a fling? Is it a relationship? Or is it just a waste of your time? This article unpacks exactly what a situationship is, the signs you’re in one, and when it’s time to walk away.
Ever heard the word situationship and thought, “What on earth does that mean?” You’re not alone. It’s the modern dating label for something that’s not quite friendship, not quite a relationship, but sits awkwardly in between.
What is a situationship?
In a nutshell, a situationship is that tricky in-between stage where you’re not “just friends”, but you’re not in a committed relationship either.
You see each other, message, and might even have met each other’s friends, but there’s no label, no exclusivity and no plans for the future. You’re “together”… just not officially.
For some, that’s perfect — no pressure, no strings. For others, it’s a slow-burning heartache that keeps them stuck in emotional limbo. Other people find these in-between arrangements damaging as they chip away at confidence, cause confusing boundaries and prevent moving forward in life.
How do you tell you are in a situationship?
Deep down, most people in situationships already know. The signs are often there, but people may choose to ignore them. However, if you find you are doubting your relationship and are not sure, some common clues to look out for include:
- You never talk about the future. Plans do not extend beyond the following weekend. There is no talk of future holidays or events.
- Everything’s last-minute. If you’re only ever getting the “what are you doing tonight?” text, you’re not a priority, you’re an option.
- It’s mostly at home. If you rarely go out together in public, it could mean they don’t see you as part of their wider life.
- They avoid labels. Partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, or even dating. If those words make them squirm, that’s telling.
- And the most significant sign of all: the relationship makes you feel uncertain. You spend more time analysing their texts, tone and intentions than enjoying their company.
Is a situationship a red flag?
It can be, it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re happy keeping things casual and the other person feels the same, then a situationship isn’t necessarily a problem. But if you want commitment and they’re dodging it, that mismatch is a red flag.
In this case, you’re on different paths. And the longer you stay, hoping they’ll change, the longer you delay finding someone who shares your goals and values.
Are there any good sides to a situationship?
Not all situationships are bad. If you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, they can be a safe way to ease back into dating without the pressure of commitment. They fit around busy lifestyles, allowing you to keep your independence and own life going.
But they can easily run into problems, particularly if boundaries are not made clear or one person secretly hopes it will turn into a relationship. In these cases, a situationship can lead to confusion and hurt.
Do situationships ever turn into relationships?
Sometimes. But often, if someone has chosen to have a relationship like this, it is because they have a reason to do so and it is what they are looking for. Not everyone wants or is in the right place for commitment, so a situationship gives them closeness and intimacy at the level they need. The people who commit are usually the ones who intend to from the start.
Situationships during divorce
If you’re going through a divorce, it’s natural to crave connection, affection, or even just distraction. After time in a committed relationship, a situationship can feel like a safe halfway house, intimacy without the pressure of jumping straight into something serious.
However, a word of warning. Emotions run high after separation and even something casual can feel heavier than you expect. Plus, new relationships, defined or not, can sometimes complicate divorce proceedings, especially around finances.
How long is too long?
Staying in a situationship is a personal choice and it depends on the situation. However, if you want to set a timeframe for how long before you can ask the “what are we?” question, then you need to consider if a situationship is right for you in the first place. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a committed relationship with clear boundaries from the beginning.
Knowing when to walk away
Ending a situationship can feel odd because “it wasn’t even a real relationship”, but your feelings are real. If you’ve been clear about what you want and they can’t give it to you, it’s not selfish to walk away: it’s self-respect.
A situationship might keep you guessing, but real love won’t. If you’re stuck in the grey zone, remember: wanting clarity and commitment isn’t clingy. Don’t settle for almost.
Useful Links
How to overcome loneliness after a divorce or breakup
How to deal with guilt over a breakup
