New relationships: moving on too soon?

Relationships|August 12th 2016

People who have experienced bereavement should wait 22 months before embarking on a new relationship, according to participants in a new survey.

Support and advice charity Relate commissioned a poll of people who use Gransnet, a social networking site for the over 50s. Users were asked when they considered it appropriate to begin a new relationship after events such as bereavement and divorce.

Although participants believed 22 months was an acceptable amount of time before they moved on, those who had actually experienced bereavement waited much longer. In fact the average time taken before they began a new relationship was 44 months, twice the interval most considered appropriate.

Moving on after a divorce or separation was a different matter. On average, participants said someone in that situation should only wait 11 months before finding a new partner.

Gransnet users also worried about what their children would think. One in eight said they thought their children would rather they were alone than in a new relationship. Of those who started a new romance, 31 per cent said their children disapproved and a third of those said they had ended the relationship as a result.

Relate counsellor Christine Northam said the survey had given the charity “a very interesting insight into the challenges people face moving on romantically in later life”. Despite people’s attitudes, “every person and couple is unique, and that there are no fixed rules about how long it takes to get over things” she explained.

Photo courtesy of Unsplash.com under the Public Domain.

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Comments(4)

  1. Dennis says:

    “Of those who started a new romance, 31 per cent said their children disapproved and a third of those said they had ended the relationship as a result.”

    For those concerned, it might better be said that 69% of the children involved either approved or didn’t mind their parent having another relationship, while 80% of those actually having a relationship, which their children may not have entirely approved, did not end the relationship, but just let their children get used to it.

    Seems reasonable…. Time is a great healer.

    It is often said that when you marry again later in life, you are not just marrying a new partner — you are very often marrying a whole family. Perhaps a wise strategy then is to “Think Big” — and court the whole family. But let it quickly be said I am not talking from experience here, but what I suppose…. I mean, if one wants to ensure “success” — whatever that may mean in your particular circumstances. Makes sense to me, anyway.

  2. JamesB says:

    It is often said that when you marry again later in life, you are not just marrying a new partner — you are very often marrying a whole family

    I am talking from experience.

  3. Andy says:

    How on earth can you say it takes at least 22 months or more to either start a new relationship or consider one…
    Before any of that and that is free..you have to get over the kicking the legal system has dished out with large financial burdens imposed by courts..So in reality you never get over it because solicitors have stripped you bare,courts have imposed ridicules lump sum payments and your blog is saying your ready for new beginnings…
    You never recover…total wash out of your confidence and all that the law stands for….

  4. Andrew says:

    Andy – try reading the article which is about bereaved people, not divorced people.

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