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False accusations of domestic violence: what can you do?

Article updated August 2023

“My ex and I are currently going through an acrimonious divorce and I was alarmed to hear that she has now made false accusations of domestic abuse against me and applied for a non-molestation order. I have never been abusive to my ex. What are my options?”

Sadly, during the breakdown of a relationship it is sometimes the case that one spouse makes false allegations against the other. This can be for a variety of reasons: to gain a perceived advantage in a child contact dispute or a dispute in relation to financial matters or sometimes simply out of spite and a desire for revenge.

If you are accused of domestic abuse, it’s important to know that any allegations will be scrutinised by the court, and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without thoroughly investigating the claims.

Non-molestation orders

If your ex-partner claims that they urgently need a non-molestation order, the court may grant a temporary order on a ‘without notice’ basis. This means that you will be given no prior notice of your ex’s court application before the court grants the injunction. However, you will be given the opportunity to attend a court hearing within (usually) seven days of the order being granted where you will have the opportunity to ask the court to dismiss the injunction.

The most important first step is to take advice from a solicitor who specialises in family law and has experience of dealing with allegations of domestic abuse in divorce. They will be able to asses all the facts and advise you on your options.

As your former-spouse has applied for a non-molestation order, she will have to provide a detailed statement setting out the allegations. You and your solicitor will review her statement. Your solicitor will then be able to prepare a statement in response and lay out your version. It is important to note that the purpose of the statement is to refute the allegations of domestic abuse made against you, and is not an opportunity to discuss the disagreements or issues of your relationship.

The document will be reviewed by the judge before you and your ex attend court so it is essential that it is properly put together by a specialist solicitor.

What are your options?

Once the response statement has been prepared, it will be sent to the court and a copy will also be sent to your ex-partner’s solicitor.

You then have two options:

Provide an Undertaking

You can agree to provide an ‘undertaking’, stating that you will not threaten, harass, intimidate, or provoke your ex. The wording of such an undertaking would mirror the wording in the non-molestation order.

An undertaking is a legally binding promise to the court and, if you breach the undertaking, you will be in contempt of court and there will be serious consequences.

You may ask why you should do this if you are not guilty of domestic abuse. Crucially, the undertaking is provided on the basis that there is no admission by you that your ex’s allegations are true.

The purpose of providing the undertaking is to avoid the stress and expense of a court hearing at which both you and your ex will have to give evidence and will be cross-examined by barristers about the alleged domestic violence. It is, in reality, a compromise solution.

As there are no admissions of domestic violence, the court has not found them to be true and your ex cannot rely on them in any other court proceedings.

Defend the allegations in court

You may wish to defend the allegations and ask the judge to make a ruling that the accusations are false. This would require you and your ex to attend court.

The judge will consider your written statements and listen to the oral evidence you provide in court. They will then decide whether some or all of the allegations are true or false.

This is of course a more “high-risk” strategy than providing an undertaking. Even if you believe the allegations are false, it may be the case that a judge does not agree with you having considered the evidence from both sides.

You risk being left with a ruling that you have committed domestic violence which could have a negative impact on any dispute regarding children or on financial issues arising from your separation.

How to conduct yourself

If you have had false accusations of domestic abuse raised against you, try to remain calm. Do not confront your ex-partner about the allegations and be extremely cautious when communicating with them. Outbursts, irresponsible or emotional texts, emails, or voice notes may be used to support claims that you are aggressive.

Focus on disproving the claims falsely made against you by evidencing and modelling your non-abusive character, rather than simply proving that your ex is lying. In some cases, your reaction to false claims may inadvertently lead the court to draw conclusions about your capacity for domestic abuse that are inconsistent with the truth.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is a broad term that includes any incident or pattern of incidents of abusive behaviour. This can include:

  • Psychological
  • Physical
  • Sexual
  • Financial
  • Emotional
  • Coercive control

If you have been accused of domestic abuse in your divorce proceedings, we highly recommend that you seek specialist and professional advice from a family lawyer as soon as possible.

Get in touch

If you would like any advice about false accusations of domestic abuse please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers.

The blog team at Stowe is a group of writers based across our family law offices who share their advice on the wellbeing and emotional aspects of divorce or separation from personal experience. As well as pieces from our family law solicitors, guest contributors also regularly contribute to share their knowledge.

Contact us

As the UK's largest family law firm we understand that every case is personal.


  1. Dr Grumpy says:

    So there is no way of clearing your name whatsoever?

    • sammy says:

      i want to thank you for your post im unsure how much i can share on here as the person who has taken me to court is saying im trying to tarnish hes name im the actual victim i cant say how as im not allowed to post it online but i have voice recordings of him threatening my life but after i accused the guy via whatsapp he then stalked me on social media took mental health movement card literal and decided to play the victim he said in the order i hit him once and on whatsapp messages on 3 occasions i obviously denied it on messages as it was news to me ive suffered domestic violence off of another guy and this guy in 2013 this was a big stem to my mental health this guy and hes actions i really dont know what to expect when i go to court i really could do with talking to anyone if anyone as any advice as he started this under false pretences im going to end it on the truth as he ruined my life

      • Jennie says:

        Hi Sammy, I’ve just read ur post u put on Sept 7th 2020. I hope ur ok & all went well for you at court? People like that are very sad people as they’ve got nothing better to do than cause vulnerable people like urself a mental break down which I have experienced 1st hand! I no too well what it’s like to b accused of something uve not done! Unfortunately it’s harder to prove ur incidence than it is for people to point the finger & prove ur quilty! As I like u was totally unaware at 1st what was going on, I decided like urself to record any phone calls I had plus keep every message, txt etc for evidence! My situation didn’t actually get to court as I’d done & collected so much evidence for myself the people doing this decided they didn’t want to stand in court & give evidence against me knowing I had enough evidence to turn the tables on them! So that after a long & hard time I eventually put an end to it all! I changed my number, changed my email address & called myself something else so I could still use social media without being hassled & luckily moved! I now enjoy a peaceful life without dumb trouble makers around me Good luck for this year 2021.

    • Thalan says:

      There is never a way to clear your name. From the moment people start slander something will always stick.
      I am stuck with this in my work, cause in a bad translation a student who misbehaved and insulted me one day was afraid I would shout at her the next one so she sent en email with “I am afraid he will attack me” which in a native tongue would have meant “he will shout at me”…. but of course was received very differently by the management. Story short, 4 months of work lost for me, lawyers fees to protect me to conclude “nothing really happen there should be no more consequence”… the rumors are still running though, and my career got someone whacked.
      Before duel existed, one would not slander an other without risking a real consequence.

      • Maxine says:

        I am considering reporting my ex to police for issuing a false statement in persuit of a non-molestation order against me. This is quite simply and blatantly yet another form of harassment against me.

        I have had 3 criminal cases proceeded with against my ex partner. He is a retired Met officer and the initial two cases were corrupt. All 3 cases started positively with GMP but the first two developed negativity and obstruction from the Met and CPS South London (who I believe were manipulated by the Met).
        The first case he received a caution for one offence, and nothing for the other offences of that particular case, both decisions stink and anyone looking at the case details and the evidence that I have would absolutely agree.
        The second case was never investigated as the Met made certain it passed it’s STL (statutory time limit) of 6 months for harassment cases. I reported the offence to GMP on the day it happened and GMP came to see me and logged it as a crime that same day, yet it was never investigated by the Met?
        The third case was handled well by the Met officer in charge but there was attempted obstruction from the CPS. This came in the form of the chief prosecutor of the case who just happened to be the very same one that I had a huge ongoing complaint against! Talk about conflict of interests.
        The third case did reach court but he was acquitted of harassment by the most incompetent magistrate with the most ridiculous summing up you have ever heard!

        Besides the criminal cases highlighted here there have been many other incidents logged with police but with not enough evidence so those crimes have remained ‘suspect unknown’. Front bay window smashed following threats by my ex to have that arranged. Arson to the land where I have my caravan following threats to set my caravan on fire. Tyres slashed. You know, the usual psychotic behaviour of a disgruntled ex who just happens to be a mad man.

        He also made a false small claims against me which was eventually dismissed following him constantly avoiding court dates. He has now also made two seperate allegations against me to GMP that have been readily and easily dismissed immediately.

        I do agree with the general concencus on here, that in general men are more likely to be given a raw deal by the family courts and that there are as many vindictive women as there are men. However please don’t judge us all the same – I am simply a female who attempted to sever a relationship with a manic and abusive bully and 30 months later I’m still having to fight many battles.

        Maxine Wood.

    • Diane says:

      This is all rubbish, because the woman can lie her back teeth off and when you challenge the NMO, even supplying bucket loads of evidence proving she is lying means nothing – the two old retired magistrates still allow the NMO – and you don’t even get Legal Aid, but she does and she is earning more than you!! That’s the “Justice” system for you.

  2. Ruth Edwards says:

    As a tier 1 Family judge. I have seen a rise of applications for non mols and allegations of domestic abuse.

    Is it a possibility that the withdrawal of legal aid unless there has been DV might account for the rise?

    • Paul Apreda says:

      Hi Ruth – thank you for your very helpful comments on this issue. I’d be very happy to speak with you separately on the matters as I have been asked by the President’s office to submit some data around the rise in Non Molestation applications for a review that he is currently undertaking. My email is [email protected] I am the national Manager of the charity in Wales and a Trustee of the English charity. best wishes, Paul

      • Dave Faulkner says:

        Hi I had 18 months fighting aligations all proven false but the damage was done
        Now another baby 11 month old non molisation without notice stating I had criminal convictions of domestic vilolance and a non mol in place regards my exe … This is proved lies from police report and previous section 7 . I asked there solicitor to provide the evidence on there statement made to the court they refused . I put them on notice that I would report them to sra for dishonesty and action proceeding against them .
        They are now waiting for there legal aid to come through but been reported as ex is getting 55k in an insurance payout

    • Gary Martin says:

      Probably, if police are not informed by say social services are (Of DV, even though nothing happened) what can you do?

      • Sean says:

        My ex partner has an injunction against me and is trying to get it extended but had invited me to stay the night the other day and things were great but now hasn’t contacted me since and I’m wondering if I have any grounds to get the order revoked.

        • Allcry says:

          This is the trap – get a injunction then invite you to break it. Do not do this again.

          If she invites you by text. Screen grab the text and print it out. If you can’t screen grab by another device to take picture and record sound. Some texts will delete automatically.
          If this is an incoming call record it but do not speak if this is in breach of your order. Screen grab that this is an incoming call. Take this to the court. And get rid of injunction.

          Do not go against the injunction even if invited to. You will be arrested. Make sure you understand the injunction. The first time to appeal an injunction is free.
          Some people ask for an undertaking without admission of guilt. This gets rid of the injunction. It’s safer than trying to convince a judge you are safe.

    • Olwen says:

      Hi i would love to chat to you if you have time

    • shaun miskelly says:

      There is no question in my mind that legal aid is the issue here. My sons ex partner has claimed legal aid and continues to make wild allegations against him which he then has to pay his solicitor to refute which is breaking him financially….which is a massive win for her. She is diagnosed with complex PTSD, possible BPD and has a history of similar allegations against previous partners. None of which were proved. Is there no way to stop this gratuitous victimisation?

      • Darren says:

        We are in exactly the same situation as you with our son. His ex partner has mental health issues but has managed to convince the Legal Aid system to represent her and now we are £3000 into court and solicitors fees. We now have another bill for £3000 for Pre trial hearing and Final hearing. How on earth can someone with mental health not be assessed properly before making up fictitious accusations about harassment over a 4 month relationship which my son wants nothing to do with. She is upset he ended it so has taken this path. How can this get this far if it was not for Legal Aid?

        • Rebecca says:

          We are going through a very similar thing. My son was with his partner for 11 years and have 4 children. Every step of the way there have been problems. She spat in in his face in front of his friends and her parents when they were 18. I told him it was a warning sign but he carried in with the relationship and we find ourselves here with a non molestation order. A huge solicitor bill and now we are told he needs to take a barrister to the hearing at an extra cost payable in full. They thankfully broke up for good in july20 and he hasn’t seen the children since October 20 with the non molestation order being delivered in Jan 21 for ex parte and the actual hearing in April. She is coming out with crazy things. It’s so worrying and exhausting mentally. He is having to think about getting an extra job on top of his full time one because he is private renting. Having to pay for 4 children he isn’t allowed to spend any time with solicitors fees from around £275 ph plus VAT. He getting close to giving up. Twice now he has said what’s the point in going on, is it going to be like this for ever. The judge will believe her over him because of the mental illness thing. We can’t think of any evidence she can have. Yet everything is in her favour. I would have thought to get legal aid there would have to be some kind of proof something has happened.

          • David says:

            I’ve had the same my exe got a non mol stating that I had previously had convictions on domestic vilolance and a previous non mol against my exe . This is not true and other alligations . She’s lied to get a non mol lied to get legal aid also she was offered 55k in an insurance pay out but refused it to carry on with the legal ain’t

          • Ruq says:

            I work on a voluntary basis with men in similar situations. I started doing this after my brother lost everything he worked for and owned due to a situation similar as that of your son. Really think there needs to be some research done and presented to try and enact change in the system. Would you be interested?

  3. Paul says:

    The system is biased as it is always the woman who applies for a non-molestation order and she gets this as she has assistance from
    When it goes to court in 99% of cases, the non-molestation order is ordered by the Court in favour of the woman

    The new way forward is for men to apply for a non-molestation order as soon as possible as it is the first one who applies gets it, this has been tried and tested as per

  4. Paul Apreda says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. You have no idea how useful it will be.

    I completely understand the logic behind this advice. I suspect I may even have indcated to some of our service users that they might consider something similar. It is however an absolute outrage that someone facing a false and malicious allegation should find it the least worst option to acquiesce in what amounts to an admittance.

    The real value of this piece is in the way that it so clearl illustrates what is wrong with the Family Justice system. An innocent man faced with the loss of his children, his home and his finances is better off agreeing to an undertaking that he won’t abuse his former partner because to defend it might mean that he’s ‘found’ to have been an abuser and that will completely ruin him.

    Truly remarkable and a sad indictment of British justice

    • Arbinder Singh says:

      Arbinder Singh
      I totally agree. Mine was a second marriage in our 50s. Ex walked out and got a non mol just to get a slice of my pre marital assets which she did not contribute towards. All done to send money to her son from her first husband in India. Day light robbery! I have great belief in British justice but this area needs to be corrected as innocent husbands are being criminalised by lying wives. MPs, please legislate to correct this injustice. I would suggest thorough enquiries by the Police before Judge agrees to grant a non mol ex-Parte and a high application fee to minimise abuse of non molestation orders.

      • Trevor says:

        Hi Arbinder Singh,
        I totally agree with you.
        My case is the innocent husband who dedicates himself to his family, accused by his wife of domestic abuse. No poof nothing happened but non-molestation power has been used against the innocent person (me) and I couldn’t see my son for more than a month until the end of the trial.
        Sad, humiliating, unfair. Just because she is calling the domestic abuse service and leaving the home and everybody believe in her and nobody asks my opinion
        Non-molestation orders were made for saving the person who harassed, but mostly used for harassing innocent people with false allegations!

    • Geoffrey says:

      If an innocent man is faced with an application for a non-mollestation order. Get up and fight it with everything that you have.
      Once you submit your statement to the courts in response, watch the wife/X-partner back down and withdraw the case. Yes this has happened before, as they all feel the husband will just take the undertakings. Do not what ever you do, take undertakings. Fight the allegation tooth and Nail !

      • Trevor says:

        Hi Geoffrey,
        Moreover, I’m looking for a suing option. Because whatever she did to me stays with me. Even allegation is false, I had hard times, she just sat and enjoy. She waits and sees people take her allegations seriously and work for her lies. I can not digest this.

    • Adam Clarke says:

      This is the situation I am in. My wife has made a whole raft of false allegations to pursue a non mol. I’ve spent £16k to defend myself…so far. I refuse to agree to an undertaking on principle – I have done nothing! I’m not undertaking to stop doing what I wasn’t doing, what an absolute farce! Worst of all, she is an abusive alcoholic who was arrested for threatening me with a knife. I’m the one who has been abused! The system is an absolute joke. Outdated, and blatantly sexist. The judge described her abuse against me as ‘more rude than abuse’…this included smashing a gin bottle over my head and throwing plates at me. A woman can pick up the phone, make un-evidenced claims of abuse, and that’s that. Further more, there are charities out there happy to prepare and submit these applications without any due diligence, or a second thought to whether claims have any truth. Surely they should only agree to apply for these orders if the person has reported abuse to the police or has some sort of evidence or plausibility that abuse has happened. My wife is going down this route to access legal aid, deny me access to my son, put herself in a better position for child arrangement orders and effectively steal my house. It’s a free hit for her!
      I fear I’m going to be left with absolutely nothing….no access to my son, no money, no job… I no longer want to be British.

  5. Calder Hughes says:

    The advice given here is absolutely awful.

    If an undertaking is given, it can be used to satisfy the LASPO criteria and give the person making the allegations legal aid.

    Why on earth would you say this is a sensible path to take if there is no abuse?

    I smell a rat.

  6. Stitchedup says:

    Firstly, I would like to thank Theo and Stowe Family Law for acknowledging false allegations of domestic violence.

    Sadly however, the article demonstrates what an impossible and unfair position many men find themselves in. I have to say Theo, I cannot agree to your statement “any allegations will be subject to scrutiny by the court and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without analyzing in detail her allegations”. Indeed you’ve pretty much negated this statement with your account of ex-parte orders i.e. “If your wife claims that she urgently needs a non-molestation order, the court may grant her a temporary order on a ‘WITHOUT NOTICE’ BASIS. THIS MEANS THAT YOU WILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY NOTIFICATION OF YOUR WIFE’S COURT APPLICATION BEFORE THE COURT GRANTS THE INJUCTION” So how has the court scrutinised the allegations and how can a judge “analyse in detail” without hearing the other side of the story?? He/she has, has he/she not, essentially accepted what the ex says?? At the follow-up hearing, the man is essentially guilty until proven innocent, the order is made, now prove your innocence. The burden is on the man to prove his innocence and refute the allegations whereas the burden should be on he accuser to prove her allegations. This is a complete reversal of how our justice system is meant to work and often puts a man in the impossible position of having to prove a negative. Also whilst it may appear to be in the interests of the man to have the follow-up hearing at the earliest opportunity to have the non-mol extinguished at the earliest opportunity, it works against him if the burden of proof lies with him and he has to obtain evidence to refute the allegations, such as police reports or the like, which can take months to obtain. In my case I was served an ex-parte non-mol on at approx. 20:30 on a Friday night with the follow-up hearing scheduled for 10:00AM Monday Morning, no time to get legal representation and prepare a robust refutation of the allegations. Non mols and undertakings often go beyond ordering the man not to “threaten, harass, intimidate or pester your ex”, they often include an order banning all forms of communication, so the very act of talking to your partner or texting about something completely benign can, and is, considered contempt of court and could attract a custodial sentence. So non-mols and undertakings do not stop a man from “doing something he shouldn’t be doing anyway” as many judges like to say; indeed if that’s all they did they would be superfluous as that’s what criminal law is for. The whole process is a complete disaster and puts men in an incredibly dangerous situation, undertakings are really no better, the only difference being that you don’t have a ruling against you that you have committed domestic violence, so most men effectively have a gun held to their head and are coerced into accepting an undertaking which, in itself, leaves them in an incredibly precarious situation. This is draconian behaviour by the courts and, imho, breaches several human rights including a right to a fair trial, freedom of speech and freedom of expression, a right to private family life and equality of arms.

    Non mols are superfluous not just because of criminal law, but because they don’t stop murders. If a person has got to the stage they’re prepared to kill, they’ve gone past the point of caring about the consequences or the fact that a judge has put an order on them. They cause immense bad feeling, result in separated families becoming broken families so are not good for any children involved, and put men under extreme pressure and a calculated disadvantage during one of life’s most stressful events. They just make it easy to convict perfectly decent, hard working family men for something that in normal circumstances would not be considered unreasonable let alone criminal behaviour.

    Enforcing these orders takes up scarce police resources and distracts attention from men, women and children that are in genuine mortal danger.

    • Stitchedup says:

      Correction, I was served the order at approximately 20:30 on the Thursday night. Not that it changes much.

      • Terry james Scales says:

        I agree 100% with your comment. I’m in hell through the malevolence of orders such as non molestation and occupation. I was removed from my home and alienated from my son for five months on allegations with zero evidence to support them. There is no scrutiny of the allegations, they are just believed, it’s predicated on an ideology that detests men and marriage. This article is soaked in malevolence.

        • Hugh Go says:

          Having been through the process for quite some time now (self representing), I genuinely feel as though society would be better off without the Family Court. It has its purposes, but if it is to protect the vulnerable, then that is what the police and NGOs do best. Let them do the initial bit, so the Family Court can focus on child arrangements once the parents have established themselves and got over their pathetic irrational emotions.

  7. Euphotic says:


    Our judge broke every proper legal policy described here. What does one do when the judge has no interest in allowing the Respondent show proof of the Applicant’s deceit of the court and dispel her false accusations?

    The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent so her physical violence and neglect would stop being reported; it worked perfectly. Local authorities gave up protecting our children the moment she refused to cooperate with them.

    Any advice?

    • JamesB says:

      re The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent

      Probably the majority of such applications are made for that reason, probably for the money and attention that follows the kids.

      Its a snatch and grab and It stinks that the courts reward such stealing.

      I had this nonsense thrown at me and was suprised the courts payed any attention to it. I was the one being assaulted. It calmed down when I submitted photos of my injuries and she had none. Police were particularly biased in favour of female – turn up arrest man, charge him, bail him not to be allowed home, until thrown out at court. That was the basis of a dodgy non mol order for a week or two, district judge said there must be evidence which exceeded on balance of possibilities threshold as I was charged, so it happened, even though there was no evidence, whole thing a load of shit. Probably increasing if it is a route to legal aid. When we had a proper hearing and I put my version of events and photos it was disposed of. I was later blackmailed into an undertaking, that’s a different story.

      My advice to people faced with this sort of thing? Avoid ex without a witness present or recording on phone. Find girlfriend / FB whatever, point is avoid ex and sign nothing and dont expect any sense from any lawyers or courts as they investigate any nonsense with no evidence as the author says.

      It is disappointing that lawyers string things out and increase costs at the expense of future relations and that they walk over the children especially like that.

      • JamesB says:

        I don’t think spending money on lawyers to defend this sort of thing is worth it either, I self represented or get McKenzie friend. Unless you want shared parenting 50:50 or something.

        Its a Mickey Mouse court really anyway, not a proper conviction and whats the point anyway, if your ex wants a non mol against you there’s no point going near her anyway, except contact which is a different matter and there are ways around. Like handover at public place.

  8. Legal Aid and Domestic Violence in the Family Courts | The Illustrated Empathy Gap says:

    […] will not threaten, harass, intimidate or pester his ex (or other such wording as appropriate), see here for example. This is advised on the grounds that the alternative is a more high risk strategy […]

  9. Richard Nixon says:

    I have been receiving FOI data on NMOs from the Ministry of Justice since 2014 and this data show that there has been 20.2% increase in NMOs in England & Wales from 2011 to 2016 with high increases in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands areas. Government ministers admit in letters to Mrs that there has been an increase in NMOs post LASPO but do not think the latest NMOs are being used for non meritorious applications for legal aid even thorough FOI data shows that they are most used form of DV evidence used to get legal aid. Government ministers say that because the judges are independent of the each government / HMCTS they cannot investigate the increase in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands.

    • Stitchedup says:

      The MoJ are engaging in the post-truth politics of domestic abuse. It’s common knowledge that no evidence of domestic abuse/violence is needed to secure a non mol, so the use of non mols to secure legal aid is in itself non-meritorious.

  10. JamesB says:

    Thinking about it, why not act like a thug so your ex can get free legal aid and save needed money from being spent from the family pot. Just a thought. Strange places these, best avoided if possible and try and keep costs down as more you argue defend and attack the higher the lawyers bills. or self rep or go with a McKensie friend.

    • Stitchedup says:

      No need to act like a thug James, the feminists have conjured a catch-all plan and convinced the courts that all abusers are charming in public, they’re just hiding the monster within. It’s a no win situation.

      • JamesB says:

        Yes, I know. I am just thinking, why not just say, yes, whatever you say, with regards to everything other than finances, given the unenforceable of parenting orders. Its like arguing on if a square is wider or taller, silly and perhaps not worth the effort (or PTSD).

        In the end I found it cheaper to lose then turn up and argue and win or draw. Like Albery Camus said, the Judges get upset and is the biggest crime when you start ignoring them. Because they give you an order that calls you a violent thug doesn’t mean you are one, I wipe my arse with their orders anyway.

        Its like the KKK coming out in favour of Trump. Like who cares what they say.

        I lost respect around round 40 in court when they declined to do anything to help me see my children other than advise my ex that it is in the children’s interests. They seem to be all about giving money to whoever has the children and very little else.

  11. JamesB says:

    To be fair I have seen them do decent things with regards to un contested application for adoption for orphans. I have seen them do good there, perhaps other things also, I’m hot and not feeling especially charitable towards them today. Quote was Albert Camus, L’etranger above.

  12. JamesB says:

    I mean, its not like a criminal record, or that you are likely to get decent contact if your ex grabs them and runs and disagrees anyway, sick joke these hearings.

    The biggest shame is the victims who get no protection as the judge can’t see them as victims as they are the 100th application and the previous 99 have been manufactured. Like the boy who cried wolf. I suppose the world is not completely fair and has imperfections and these decisions are in the grey area. That said I have, like stitchedup, seen a lot of institutional bad decisions in these (E and W family law) courts.

  13. Graham says:

    thank you i was accused of domestic violence by my ex wife her motive was to gain visas she came from usa she lied to the police and court it cost me £28000 of legal fees but her sworn statement to court was lies and I have the evidence to show my ex wife lied in her sworn statement I have given this evidence to the police I was told by my solicitor to accept an undertaking as the cost of the trial was at least £15000 being severely disabled on benefits she had over 1 million dollars I had nothing she could use her money to get whatever she wanted in her sworn statement to court I have in my possesion evidence she lied over 30 times in her sworn statement to court she have no witnesses no evidence but she attempted to use a doctors letter as evidence when it was only her say so she has clearly financially broke me and has caused me to have strokes and a heart attack whilst she is laughing i need a solicitor to represent me because I want to her done for perverting the course of justice she lied

    when you hear my case with the evidence I have you will clearly see she intentionally lied to deceive total deception by my ex wife now I have to sell my home and I am wheelchair bound
    its a travisty of justice when someone lies to get gain i need help
    thanks all

  14. SeeTEE says:

    The rise in male suicide victims as a result of this evil growing trend needs to be monitored.

    Individuals who act in such a way, are a disgrace to genuine victims of domestic abuse.

    By acting in such a unlawful way, they are also of course implicating themselves in child abuse, by wrongly denying their children appropriate access to the other parent.

  15. Damatra says:

    Hi everybody,
    I have been in a relationship with a girl for few month.
    Three month after we broke up she went to the police to file a complain about myself saying to the officer that I have been violent with her. I have been arrested, interviewed for 1h and spent 6h in cell. The Police let me go but kept my phone to investigate further.
    This happened in October, I did not look for support a that time, naively because I was sure to be right and the justice will win. I, yet, don’t have anymore news about the file, and when I call the number they gave me the Detective in charge is never free to talk, and now after 3 month they still need to keep my phone.
    The file is not been brought to the court yet, but as a French native I have no idea of my right in uk.
    What is worrying me the most is the fact that I am Restaurant Manager in Hospitality industry and because of this arrestation I might never be able to find a job in my sector again. Indeed, lot of company are looking for people without any police past.
    I did not report those fact to my company, scared to loose my job. Today this company is offering me a transfer to Singapore, where I need a visa for which I could not been arrested too.

    Knowing I am not and I did not do what she claim, I can now loose everything for a false allegation
    How should I proceed, knowing that I need to avoid as more as I can to go to the court.

  16. g says:

    I was falsely accused of domestic abuse as my ex wife was from USA and she wanted VISAS to stay in the uk without being married to me I am disabled I am dying of heart failure I have had strokes it cost me 21000 legal fees the police know she lied her doctor knows she lied every neighbour knows she lied and independent witnesses knows she lied she then fled the uk When my undertaking to court had expired she knew I was going to file in magistrates court for an arrest warrent on the grounds she perverted justice its a shame its easy for females to make false allegations and then it costs us money defending those false allegations even if I was to challenge he false claims in court I was looking at 15000 pound LEGAL COSTS defending my good name and her potentially her legal costs if I lost HENCE WHY i GAVE AN UNDERTAKING NOT TO CONTACT HER THE LAW FAVOURS FEMALES NOT THE MEN the police should prosecute false allegations as the same as false rapes claims but now she left UK and s back in USA thier is nothing I can do to right the wrong and because of her lies I now have to sell my home my wife made false allegations without no witness statements no evidence no medical evidence just he say so the law is perverse in favour of the female sex even as my wife did abuse me and I am in a wheelchair the police do nothing its one law for the females and one law for the men

    good luck to all when you have a scornful deceitful ex wife like I endured g
    (*Comment moderated)

  17. chris says:

    ive raised my daughter for 10 years as my ex partner was no longer fit to due to neglect she had all four children put into care except my child who i wanted to look after,i won the court case had a soliciitors letter steateing i have full parental responsibilty till shes 16,my ex partner has since had yet another child and wants the income benifits and a bigget house so she stuck a non molestion order on me (which was absoulte rubbish) my daughter is there now i carnt get her back as the order wont let me go near not that i do ive not even seen her for over 1 year shes got my daughter to say shes fear of her life and prommiced her this lovley big new house if she lies and ive been given 6 hours a week in a public place contact carnt even take our home probably her mum thinks i will krep her there like she has me i rung police over 6 times to get her they said it was a civil matter unless i go down to get her then i be arrested meanwhile she facebook saying i hit my daughter and iam violent my daughters in a filthy flat alcohol; drug flat no food probibly in cupboards not been looked after seen outside at 2am wondering streets i carnt honestly belive this is happening ? the law basicly says anyone can get a non molestion order slapped on them say a pack of lies saying there been threatend with no proff of any of it?? most women are just going to lie free court i personaly carnt afford a private solicitor an she knows it hence the non mol order i hope the courts realise when ttey give her custardy because i carnt go court acting on my behalf what a big mistake they made …one horse race inocent people been treat like this is more than wrong ..hope one day the law will change so unfair

    • Richard Nixon says:

      Apply with EX107 form for a transcript of the ex-parte NMO hearing and when you get that back do the following:

      1. Report the mother to police for perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice if you find relavant evidence in the transcipt
      2. Apply to the court with an FL403 form for the NMO to be revoked on grounds of perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice

      What court gave her the NMO and when did she get the NMO. Was it ex-parte / without notice or with notice NMO application?

      I have relevant FOI data from the Ministry of Justice on NMOs in the England & Wales Family Courts as I run the Crawley, Horsham and Horley support group of Families Need Fathers, The FOI data shows an 30.3% increase in NMOs in all courts in England & Wales from 2011 to 2017 however in Sussex area the increase is 220.8% for all 5 family courts combined and selected courts in the Midlands region with large increases such as Birmingham (338.1%), Derby (955.6%), Leicester (201.4%), Lincoln (274.8%), Stoke-on-Trent (241.8%), and Wolverhampton (295.9%).
      (*Edited by the moderators: it is not a good idea to leave email addresses in comments)

      • S CK says:

        Can I please have a link to your support group, I still have a very complex case going on at present it’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen my children and would be interesting to see of any similar cases to the extent of mine and the outcome of them.

  18. Smail says:

    This is what happens when someone is been accused you of domestic violence

    – you lose your rights of legal aides
    – you don’t get any help from citizens advices bureau
    -if you are going to court n your own don’t expect any advices from P.S.U
    -if you are paying for your Solisitors
    – what I’ve noticed is everybody is against you starting from the district judge the social the police ..,.ect

    Watch up the last minute hearing concelation made by here lawyers to make you spend all your money and ended by representing yourself in court
    – well if your are atanding court in high Holborn families court you can not win the case even if you are supported by 100 barister

    -m’y advice to anyone who was accused of dolostone violance don’t let the lawyers take your moneys,and start your new life instead

    Good luck to you guys

  19. Mark says:

    My wife got me arrested for common assault as well as coercive behaviour, for which I was charged for both, and remanded in custody for my court appearance where I pleaded not guilty, as her allegations were lies, but as I was in custody I couldn’t speak to any witnesses, bank etc. She took out a non molestation order ex parte while I was in custody based on the allegations, and it means I cant live in my own house. As I had been charged with the offences my solicitor said there was no point in challenging it.
    While on bail I gathered loads of evidence to disprove both allegations, and three weeks before my crown court trial the prosecution offered no evidence, stating that her victim statements wholly differed from the evidence they had, they had not seen any evidence from me at that point.
    I was found not guilty, and awarded costs.
    My solicitor has advised that I can sue my wife, and also the Police, who advised the CPS wrongly, and who authorised the charges. The problem is I have no money now for a solicitor, my wife won’t drop the non molestation order and is refusing to give me any of my items from the house. We’ve also got children, and she wont let me contact them either, even though there’s nothing to stop me from doing so.

  20. Jerry says:

    If only the actual reality was as the OP has written!
    The judge in my case DID NOT even listen to any of my testimony, didn’t want to read my statement, just granted the orders to my ex with absolutely no evidence or scrutiny, just a complete fabrication on every aspect. COurt orders received very late on a Friday, due in court Monday morning,!!

  21. Richard Nixon says:

    Mark. Make an application with FL403 form for the NMO to be revoked on grounds of acquittal in the criminal courts. Richard

  22. James says:

    The insanity of modern women and their use of the courts to lie and destroy good men no choice but to go MGTOW.
    The juice is no longer worth the squeeze and women have shown their true colours.

  23. Rich says:

    Indeed James. I was arrested and released without charge pending investigation last night for an incident that happened December 2016! All a guise so I can’t see my son and the worst thing is I’ll probably end up cautioned for it. MGTOW all the way now. I’ve seen the light. If only the system would wake up too.

    • Richard Nixon says:

      Main reasons that false allegarions are made is to stop child contact and if an application is made for a child arrangement order by the respondent the application can get legal aid using prescribed domestic violence evidence such as NMO, DVPO DVPN, Occupancy Order, police bail, criminal court proceedings, relevant criminal court conviction

      • JH says:

        This is what has happened to my son. My former daughter-in-law has documented mental health issues and a fact finding hearing judged that she had lied, but because she got in early with her accusations she has had legal aid to prevent my son (and all of us) from seeing my only granddaughter for 2 years. He has not faced any charges – there is no evidence – but it has cost him a fortune and had an impact on his career just going to court to try and gain access. But everything in the system supports her. This is absolutely wrong, but is anything being done to stop it?

  24. Ricky says:

    I feel deeply for all the stories told on here….such a stressful thing to have to experience. Totally unjustified outcomes against the male. I divorced my wife because of her treatment of me, but that detail was soon forgotten as the falsifications began. She maintained a façade of frightened wife all the way through the divorce, even hiding in another room during the joke that is mediation. All authorities seemed quite happy to believe it all, even though there was no evidence from a long marriage. Nobody questions that it was all fabricated during the divorce period even though I tried to use the word ‘amicable’ in early communications. The following is what I wrote to the legal Aid agency who disregard the content by quoting a secrecy clause in the Punishment of offenders act.
    “I do not feel the LAA have properly investigated the qualifying criteria was satisfied when issuing this full legal aid certificate to the aforementioned person. I have been told by the LAA that they hold information about me which I am excluded from seeing due to freedom of information. I am living in turmoil knowing there is something untrue on record about myself which must relate to alleged domestic violence, as this is the only way one can gain full publically funded Legal Aid. When I am told ‘It is not the purpose of the Legal Aid Agency to investigate the nature of any Domestic Violence allegations, we have no investigatory functions in this regard’ does this mean that any allegation is enough grounds for a grant of legal aid? Surely there needs to be evidence? As I know 100% there has been no domestic violence in my 20 years of marriage, nor evidence thereof, I am tormented that Legal Aid was given based on lies. My ex wife even lied to the Police to spite me and they believed her allegation initially, but I fought to clear my name and was eventually successful and even received an apology from the chief inspector. A transcript from the police shows a call made by my ex wife during the divorce telling them of a recent assault which was completely untrue. She lied to many authorities in order to ensure she was awarded as much of the ‘matrimonial assets’ she could. Even the financial situation of my ex wife did not qualify her as sufficiently poorly off to qualify for LA. I was paying all her bills, there was no mortgage, she was in receipt of child maintenance and various state benefits because she elected not to take employment. She also had access to £Thousands in premium bonds in my young daughter’s name. I have been writing to the LAA for years trying to make clear that public money has been fraudulently claimed. This communication and reams of evidence will be available to back up my complaint, and I do not intend to give up because I know something is wrong here, even if it is a clerical error, and I have suffered much loss as a result. My divorce solicitor said to me at the time ‘we do not under any circumstances want her [my ex wife] to get legal aid, which was the cited reason she applied for an unnecessary Non molestation and occupation order when I was living away from the matrimonial home and had not been anywhere near. My unexpected challenge to that application, due to being completely innocent of any wrong doing, ended when my ex wife backed out of the application 2 weeks before the hearing. My court bundle preparation and barrister appointment had cost me £3000. Her [my ex wife] solicitor cited my ‘good behaviour’ as the reason for withdrawal and yet I had behaved no differently at any time. 2 weeks later my ex-wife was awarded full publically funded Legal Aid and my solicitor was visibly mystified as to how this was achieved, and that there must have been some kind of error but even she could not penetrate the iron veil the LAA seems to be able to deploy. The worst had happened, and the amicable split I wanted it to be, became a greedy, expensive underhand fight by my ex wife, punishing me for leaving her due to her behaviour rewarded by the Legal Aid Agency not doing their job correctly and checking that qualifying criteria had been met. She should not have been awarded this certificate and would have been much more amicable and careful with our joint money had it not been. I have lost everything I worked for because she was empowered because of this mistake. I feel fully justified in expecting an apology and compensation for my losses, as well as punishment for those who have lied to this Government agency to gain financially from the public purse.”

    • Daniel Parker says:

      im having very similar problems, my wife put in for a divorce after 17 years of marriage, she hadnt worked in the last 17 years, she was told only way to get legal aid was to say she was domestic abused, they tried to force me out of our house, but they failed as i had proof she was lying. solicitor gave her a letter for her doctor to sign to get legal aid, doctor refused, so when she told solicitor they refused to sign the solicitor told her unless you get it signed you will have to pay thousands so she went straight back down crying and threatening to kill herself unless they signed, which they did but this is blackmail, and now shes getting legal aid, she also got a council house within a month by saying she was living in fear, i have a copy of her solicitors letter where they even said as doctor refused to sign we told you that you had to pay for divorce, but then you went back to doctors threatening to take matters in to your own hands unless they signed which they did, so we can now go ahead with legal aid, you also never mentioned living in fear. so even tho ive got proof, ive complained to legal aid and they say they have check and her legal aid has been granted as it met the criteria!!! the system is so corrupt, any ideas what i can do to stop her legal aid as its claiming money fraudulently, thanks, dan

  25. SS says:

    I agreed to an non mol on the understanding that I had done none of what I had been accused of. My partner actually wanted me out of the family home due to seeing someone else. The only way was to accuse me of some terrible thing’s. I agreed to the undertaking so I could get access to my daughter. There was absolutely no evidence against me. But she got legal aid. I could not afford a solicitor. Now… she is living with the guy which is fine.. but I have heard from people that he shouts at my 7 yr old in the street and thing’s like it. If I question anything she uses the nmo as a battering ram to shut me up. I have genuine concerns. What do I do

  26. Kevin Harling says:

    Hi all…can anyone help…my ex partner put me through hell with her drug taking and never brought snything to the table..she was addicted to sleeping pills and stole and lied everyday…after 15 month of this and getting her to leave 20 plus times shes lost it with me…ive moved on and now shes making my life hell sending me dirty videos snd attention seeking messages like….help im being followed…shes lied saying her dads dying…ive heard it all!! Cos ive ignored all this shes now reported me to police and ive done nothing wrong…shes said to tell police im nasty and theyve warned my new girl…ive not been arrested over anythin with her…shes only done this for revenge…now apparently am high risk!..ive done nothing wrong apart from get rid of a drug taking liar…plzzzz help

  27. Kevin Montgomery says:

    Most of the woman that issue these are sociopaths, narcissists and borderline personalities. Do an undertaking and move on, don’t waste a second of your life thinking any more about these lowlifes. Forget about the NMO, don’t break your undertaking and proceed on with your contact proceedings. Most men now know the NMO is a major scam and an injustice to men. If you have an abusive female partner, change the locks when she is out and issue the NMO against her, also include in the terms that she is not to harass the children. It takes some balls to do this but you have to play dirty now to get a good outcome as women are regularly gaming the system. Make sure you have good recorded evidence of her abuse and report any, even minor assaults to the police otherwise a judge may look on what you have done negatively. If your lowlife ex partner has marked you in any way, make sure you have photographed and presented all injuries however minor to your gp or hospital. The 2015 change to domestic abuse laws is there to protect men also so make sure you use it. Fighting a NMO probably a waste of money even if you are innocent. The pondscum that have them issued are eventually found out with their lies – it usually eats them away in the years that follow and they end up on antidepressants. Keep your heads high fellas, pick your next woman more carefully, you’ll know the warning signs at least.

  28. Anneka Reid says:

    My wife has put in claims of domestic violence which I have not done I’ve been to court and had to plead guilty because I was told if I didn’t I would be locked up that day . She has made claims that I’ve been abusing her domestically for 14 years which is untrue all because she wants to take my house and doesn’t have no financial means if her owe and doesn’t want to work at all . There was an altercation were she went to hit me and injured her self in the process. I’m not allowed home financially at a stain and had to plead guilty even tho I’ve done nothing what do I do how do I prove she’s not telling the truth. She nod the system because she’s had her mom contacting for money for the kids so she’s not making direct contact and in breach of the court , I’m worried could loss my job everything what do I do.

    • Kate Nestor says:

      Thanks for your query I have passed your details to the Client Care Team who will be in touch. Regards,

  29. Brian O' Connor says:

    Can I get a non molestation order rescinded/overturned against myself? My wife recently obtained one using pretty much the same non existent evidence against myself as the vast majority of those stated above. She got an emergency order against me for domestic violence etc, etc & in over 28 years of marriage I have never once laid a finger on her but, she has in the past made false allegations to the police, which as usual they believe, & has had myself arrested as a result of these false & malicious allegations. She recently decided to leave the matrimonial home, again on false & very petty allegations & ran off to a safe house provided by the authorities & for which she would have also had to have reiterated these false allegations otherwise she would not have been given this emergency accommodation. I was not given any notice of this order & there was no opportunity for myself to refute any of her allegations, yet the order was granted in my absence & as with the others on here I was also told to accept the order, though she did agree to set aside the allegations in court. She has stated to myself that she did not write her statement to the court & that she also did not see what was put in her statement for the order to be granted because in her words, “she did not have the time to view her statement before she was due to go into court & to meet her solicitor”. Just prior to going into court to have this matter dealt with she agred that there were mistakes made, referring to all of her false accusations as I thought, in her statement & she agreed to amend it, but what she did was made up even more lies & had them included in the statement which again she signed on the day of the court hearing & outside of the courtroom itself. So in effect she is either saying that her solicitors made this whole statement up or she herself is lying mainly due to the fact that her signature is on the statement & that she would have had to have read it beforehand in order to sign it according to another solicitor whom I spoke to. She has told myself to get the order revoked or whatever because she is not willing to do anything herself about it & that I should go to a solicitor & to court where she will state this fact to the court. Can this order be overturned/rescinded or can it only be done by the petitioner?

  30. Umarin says:

    In my case, I am a Thai woman who living in London(2003).
    I was falsely accused and my reputation was disparaged.
    I know what it’s like to be shamed, accused as bad behaved and dragged into court. Despite the adversity I want to defend myself. How can I do that??

    This is my story.

    I was married(30/06/2011) with British man and moved in to live with him and his parents in country side. After married 1 year I had so depressed from living with my mother in law so much, she had Bipolar and controlling everything (work, money, foods, life etc.) So April 2012, I found Job in London then I moved back for work(full time) and I went home every my day off(2 days per week) for 7 months.(I paid for family foods when I went home) During that time when I was working(1 month before I resigned) I had received messages from my husband that ‘are you coming home? If not, don’t ever come home again.’ I had asked myself what is that supposed to mean. I just got back to work 2 days. Then I have to go to give a leaving letter to my Human Resource Department. I had to give up my job again for my family(2nd time). I was working with my father in law as gardener(I am beauty therapist). One day after I moved back home(April 2013) I used my husband laptop and I found out about his cheating. It was since we were 6 months after married(after we back from honeymoon in Thailand). He had Internet chatted with a Thai girl who live in Thailand in same Village I was born. They have planned to meet in Thailand by September 2013. I was crying very hard and packing my suitcase ready to leave. He came back from work and found out about what happened. He asked for a chance as he said that it’s only chatting and he will not do that again. Yes, I forgave him and stayed. Until January 2015 I received messages from my brother that my mother is not very well, she was in Intensive Care Unit(in Thailand). I fly home that night and I told my husband that I will stayed until she got better(she had Pulmonary Embolism) during that time I had never received anything messages from my husband instead I have to called him sometimes. I had to looked after my mother in hospital every day and night. Her symptom got worse and I received messages from my husband(he had ever asked about my mother symptom) that he want to divorce soon as possible(April 2015). I replied ‘Yes, sent me paper then-this is my address…’ 2 and half weeks after that my mother passed away(2nd of May 2015). In September 2015 I received the letter from court. The 6 reasons he want to divorce me
    1. Bad behaviour
    2. Abused
    3. Leave him for no reasons(2015)
    4. Could not communicate with his family
    5. Scared him to cut his willy
    6. Not working
    I really want to defend myself what I supposed to do?? Do I have time to defend myself? I received Decree Nisi.

  31. Rick F. says:

    I have come to the conclusion 100 or so years from now if humans are still around, well the ones that are in there 80’s. They will be enjoying there dinner or some other social gathering and they will reflect on all the innocent Men that have been placated by that “Law that was only put into place to deny the People to have there right to bear arms taken from them” I believe that there will be nothing the true victims of this law ( That is what all of the men, and consual should refer to them as) can do… Also all these sites and i have been to many all you do is talk, but then again thats about all thats going to be done at least in our lifetime.

  32. George says:

    So let me understand this. Ex had me issued with a restraining order. Judge concluded ALL her allegations were false and her credibility seriously damaged and immediate contact ordered. She had legal aid through the the notorious womens aid . Does that mean I can complain and how do I go about complaining so she can face the consequences

  33. Darshan says:

    I had a without notice Non-Mol order issued yesterday and there is a hearing in a few days. Where a non-mol AND an occupation order were applied for, does this mean that at the next hearing an occupation order can be issued? I paid for the house but mistakenly put it in joint names, I’m 75 and not at all well – so worried about being made homeless after these false allegations as have nowhere to go. Please advise.

  34. Towel says:

    Hi My partner has made false allegations of violence against me in order to have me arrested and convinced in order for her to keep the flat.

  35. Tony Suley says:

    Hi MY partner wants to sell the flat but I don’t we have had several arguments over this.My partner attacked me for no reason left me cut and bruised.I grabbed her from the front and restrained her in self defence.The bruising she had was put on by makeup because the hole of her chest was black and blue and purple.Bruising starts of red then after a day or two it changes colour,not after 30 minutes.After attacking me she went to the kitchen and called the police and I was arrested for assault.She has planned this in order to keep my flat.I am not allowed to contact her or go to my flat.I have had a nervous breakdown,I haven’t been to work I haven’t got paid, I have had counciling and been in hospital for 3 days.

  36. Sean Og says:

    Hi Ex took out a non molestation order on me several years ago. During that time my ex wife had came round to where I was living and verbally and physically attacked me at my front door. My son and youngest daughter had been living with me during this time during this non molestation order was taken out on me. I had been to the court approx. 6-7 occasions and my ex was able to get the hearing cancelled every time for reasons I don’t know. My Ex wife said I was an alcoholic, a gambler and she never had any money to feed the family, she also said all the family was scared of me and lived in fear. Even though 2 of my 3 children were living with me after separation and the other visited me regularly.

    I reported the attacks on me from my ex wife to the police and they took the statement, and explaining about the non molestation order on me, but didn’t care and the officer was trying to stop himself laughing. My son and his girlfriend angry about my situation went to the police to make statements about the abuse they’ve witnessed on me from my ex wife, the police officer asked me to place charges, but I declined as I thought it would only make things worse for the whole family. She had a history of attacking me physically and mentally and pinning me a knife if I asked something she didn’t like. She controlled all the money within the house and complete control of everything in the household. If I even tried to give advice for the kids future in regarding anything, she’d say “I carried them 9 months and you’re just some man, in short she had complete control.

    After approx. 8 months my daughter wanted to go live with her mum and sister, so I helped her pack her things. Due to her having a lot of things and she was trying to walk to her mum’s, I decided to give her a lift in the care to the street leaving her approx. 100 metres from her mum’s house. 30 minutes later the police came to my home and arrested me, taking me to the police station and I was charged. When I went to court the police were trying to taint me as a tyrant and my family were scared of me. Thankfully the judge said I don’t think that’s true. I ended up with criminal record and suspended sentence. I have just been offered a job, but then was turned down after the police check. As many have already said, men are guilty when a woman accuses.

  37. S Jans says:

    After a 11 year solid contact arrangement with my son and having such a positive affect on his upbringing in so many areas, as soon as he turned 16, his mother terminated his phone which I got him and paid for several years and blocked my number. Being completely shell shocked but knowing exactly what her character and traits were I didn’t rise to the situation for 2 months. Then I went and knocked on her door with my 78 year old father, just to bear witness I wasn’t doing anything wrong, she served a non molestation order on me. It was all completely full of lies and based on the time we were married between 2002-2009. It wasn’t even current or relevant and, completely false. At the hearing that followed, I accepted the order but denied all the allegations, as it would have prolonged contact and by this time I was desperate to see my best friend, my son. The district judge was very pleasant and injected the human touch into the hearing even commented at the end that I conducted myself in a respectful manner. The order was amended so I could write to her. An email in August has been ignored and another in September by email and recorded delivery has been ignored. My heart has been ripped out as I’ve now not seen my son for 5 months. In 11 years I never let my son down once, or her, and now all of a sudden like a light switch I’ve been turned off just like that. This is a case of parent alienation/malicious parent syndrome and my son has been heavily manipulated. Our father son relationship was outstanding.
    I have now lodged a C100 application with a hearing date at the end of October and Cafcass now being involved. I have so much evidence in terms of photos and videos of us, pretty much documented every happy moment of my son’s life. Picked him up from school every Wednesday taken him for his tea, coached him swimming, then picked him up every other Friday and dropped him back the following Sunday evening. Every school event, every dentist appointment any other time, if he wasn’t well I’d go and see him at her flat. Always been there for him and never let him down, or her. She on the other hand always pestered us with constant phone calls every time he was with me. But I never once conducted myself in a bad way, always on time and completely reliable. This has been an absolute travesty and I’m fighting every day in ways to see my son again. This has been my reward for being an excellent dad and a decent human being! My human rights have been breached, it’s disgusting. How one human being can treat another like this is beyond sinful.

  38. Simon says:

    I’m currently fighting a non mol order against me… First court date was last week, the thing that astounded me the most is that the magistrate (who was female, though I’d like to think that’s irrelevant) had read the applicant’s witness statement, but wasn’t even aware of the statement I had written in defence and sent to the court a month prior… How can a judicial system claim to be impartial when things like this happen?

  39. Azad says:

    I am an EU national with settled status in UK. I got married back home in Bangladesh and bring my wife into the UK applying for EU settlement family permit to join. After couple of months she accused me of DV, the case concluded with NFA. My question are, will she be able to settle in the UK?, am I considered married to her for the UK government automatically when I applied for her Visa?

    • Sally Shakespeare says:

      Thanks for your enquiry. I have passed your details on to our Client Care team who will be in touch. Best wishes

  40. Khan says:

    My wife has made false allegations of the domestic violence against me while she was pregnant with me but later no evidence was found of any abuse and we were living together again with no any issues and when she gave birth to the baby then the social services were involved and they forcibly removed my wife with the baby to the refugee home while my wife was refusing to go with them and she told the social worker that her husband is innocent and herself was angry by that time and made false allegation against him but they still removed her with the baby. Later the LA took the case to the court and they also removed the baby from my wife care as well and put her in foster carer placement because my wife was meeting me while she was in separation from me with the baby. Now we have upcoming hearing in Jan but before that the LA is trying very hard to send our baby abroad to one of our relatives for adoption. It has been 20 months now since this problem has started and few court hearing already took place but my solicitor has not explained to the court in full until now that my wife allegations were totally false and the LA is pushing my wife’s false allegations against me to make it look like that really happened and telling the court that I am violent towards my wife and I am also harmful to my baby as well where there is no evidence of anything and they are just trying to convince the judge and to take our child away from us. Any advice please.

  41. Annoymous says:

    My narcissist ex has had 4 non mols against him two breeches and a jail sentence from 3 different women..none of them
    me i knew nothing of these orders… after 7 years of hell with him we split up, he is in Northern Ireland i am in england, he left everything he owned at my home so i would email and txt him asking does he want his things, i even paid Hermes to deliver to him , he refused them… he would call me on the phone …reason for this i now know …no paper trail…i fell into his trap…i was visiting someone near him so i knocked on his door with some of his things, verbal abuse was all i got so i walked away.
    Now he has served me with a non mol i am a disabled 57 yr old woman with no criminal record nothing my only sin was emailing him trying to give him his possessions.
    He told the court i abused him blah blah….all lies….its not just Men who fall victim to these evil horrible people.

  42. Anonymous says:

    My partner received divorce papers today he has been accused of physical, emotional, psychological and financial abuse as well as adultery by his soon to be ex wife she is also demanding that he pay her monthly allowance and all her legal fees if he defends himself! He married her in prison in 2000(unrelated to her only met her the year before through friend while serving sentence) he left prison in 2012 under probation and moved into her house 6months later no bank account no job nothing but joint benefits in her name while she also did cash work he moved out in 2014 he then had months of harassment (he didn’t understand that’s what it was he’s autistic) we have been together since 2016 and friends since 2013 they were already in counseling before we met. We have sworn affidavits of her behaviour and treatment of him from friends and family of his she contacted directly accusing him of violence an her threatening him an “jokes” about hitmen but there are no police reports at all an the dates of the accusations he was at work an has to sign in and out as apparently the violence occurred after he left in the messages but before on the papers. He has been under probation since 2012 even I have a direct line so it’s impossible not to be able to report anything to anyone. they are shocked an disappointed in her behaviour. I have a disabled son I’m his sole carer my partner is our sole breadwinner we rent our home and bearly make ends meet she has no children only herself and owns her home we can’t afford our own representative let alone paying for hers she’s had on retainer for a year already. I’m furious she received inheritance during the marriage, has savings no mortgage benefits and wages we have disabled benefits carers allowance an self employment wages ( but not during covid no comparison is there we’re screwed but she an her solicitor can commit perjury an walk away. There is zero violence from my partner we’ve never had an argument not in 5 years seriously never an he will not be able to adopt my son if he just gives in to her demands which I can’t let him do. How do we manage this?

  43. Dale says:

    I’m going through a separation with my partner. She has applied for a few orders against me.
    I have a hearing and looking for some representation


    • Sally Shakespeare says:

      Hi. Thanks for your comment which I have passed to our Client Care team who will be in touch. Kind regards

  44. Wendy says:

    My opinion of the justice system and family courts at present is that they are absolutely not fit for perpous

    We live in a justice system where we should be able to defend ourselves in court before punishment/sentance however I was served with a non molestation order in February as part of. 3 year long campaign of malicious allergations by my ex and his partner.

    I was given a month to provide evidence for a paper hearing I provided a 60 page bundle of independent witness statements independent evidence etc he had provided nothing but his statement I hoped any judge with common sence would smell a rat. They extended the order in order till October for the courts to find time to hold a finding of fact. I withdrew my implication to oppose and it has now run its course. Still with no evidence except a very sketch statement from him. Throughout the time it was in place his partner would film me everyday hiding in bushes on my way to take our son to school or stood on route I assume to intimidate me into thinking I would be reported for something or goad a reaction that has been the patten to date report me for harrassment then deface photos of my son and send them to me. Tell his family our son is being adopted then report me for producing child porn making concerning statements to professionals causing child protection referals I have been accused of everything you can imagine. I am accused of shouting at him forcing him to come round to sleep with me throughout our relationship we didn’t live together and I had his young baby who I was caring for with no family support but a judge believed I forced an 18 stone man to come round to have sex by shouting at him it’s almost comical

    There needs to be a hearing before the order is granted and serious consequences where the process is misused

    Personally I don’t accept that a statement is enough evidence to restrict a persons liberty.

    He lives half a mile from my house the exclusion zone intentionally effected my route to take our son to school

    Now the order has run out I’m waiting for the next set of allegations to roll in with no faith in the system to even hear my evidence

    I previously spent a considerable time working in the criminal justice system and at one point working with family’s in care proceedings and the family court and will never trust these so called justice systems again

  45. Ben says:

    Hi all.

    I am currently being accused of stalking and harassment by an ex-partner. 90% of the disclosure is false and can be shown to be false through message history/photos of us together/witness statements. I believe she exaggerated her statement because her partner found out about our 3+ year affair (I did not realise she was leading a double life and still with someone I believed was an ex partner). When I discovered the double life, I did drink to much and try and contact her repeatedly over the course of one evening – so those allegations are correct.
    Will the false allegations/statement come back to bite her at all, or is the best outcome the case being discontinued due to these lies?

  46. Dave says:

    Hi, I am a loving father of 3 beautiful children. Due to my wife making up false allegations I have found myself on the end of a non mol and occupation order with findings. The judge basically blanket believed everything my ex said even though I had proof that she was lying.
    I had findings against me for the children without a shred of evidence!
    My wife has used this archaic system to steel our children and get her own way with the house and finances.
    I intend to appeal the decision but I worry that I’m just fighting a losing battle!
    How can a judge make an order with findings based on no evidence whatsoever?? The whole system needs a shake up as I’ve been made to feel like a criminal and I’m facing further costs with the worry of losing and getting all my wife’s costs thrown at me also.
    It’s just unfair and if a woman ever complains to me about inequality I will refer them to how men are treated in this situation. It’s just plain wrong and the main sufferers in this situation are the children! Parental alienation is real and anyone who participates in it needs to take a good hard look in the mirror!

  47. Paul says:

    I walked out on my ex-partner due to her excessive drinking and once heavily intoxicated she used to attack me and abuse me verbally, one incident in particular I came home from work at 5:20pm on a Friday afternoon and she was already drinking and tried to start an argument calling me all names under the sun. My 1 year old boy started crying so I walked into the kitchen and stated that he did not have to listen to this and as soon as I picked him up she attacked me (While I had my boy in my arms) she scratched my face repeatedly and drew blood and punched me, kicked me and ripped my work shirt but tugging it violently in around the neck. I pinned her against the wall and asked her to stop. I then walked out of the property with my son still screaming and the neighbour called the police.
    We were both arrested and my sister had to come and take my boy otherwise he would have had to have gone into social care, my sister saw my marks on my face and was disgusted by what she had done.
    The police took no photographs and released us without further action.
    A social services representative came to visit us weeks after and my ex admitted that she was at fault and that she did attack me, his response was “in the eyes of the law, he will always be held accountable” to which we were both shocked.
    I suffered many counts of abuse and her sister even quoted over the phone in one argument to “Punch the F&&ker in the face as hard as you can”.
    Another incident I actually recorded her abusing me and two officers turned up at the property, I explained that I had recorded her and he listened to 60 seconds of the recording and walked out? when re-entering the property I was forced to leave even though I was calm and she was heavily intoxicated, and had to leave her in charge of my two young children who were in bed at the time.
    When i left the relationship last year my ex got a non-molestation order on me (without evidence) I could not believe it, i tried to contest but could get no help whatsoever. Bear in mind all my belongings are still in the property and she has refused to have my name removed from the tenancy twice. She even has my passport and birth certificate and i cannot get my own place as I am still tenant, nor can I retrieve my belongings.
    The judge stated that she was to narrow down the allegations to just 8 and had to have them to me by a set date, i was then to have my counter allegations in by a specific date. I received no allegations as stated by the judge and to cover my own back, i got in touch with the court and stated this. I then received a letter from her solicitor (legal aid and unlimited funding) asking whether i had received the allegations and what was my intentions? also on the date that I was to receive the allegations I received a call from her friend asking to see the children, which I obviously agreed. when she picked the children up, she then verbally slated me in regards to the non-molestation order and I stated that she was too late as the allegations have not been forwarded onto me, she replied that she doesn’t have to and the non-molestation order will still go ahead? that was the last time I saw my children.
    I was issued a court hearing only 12 hours before the actual hearing by e-mail, I was furious to say the least. At the hearing the solicitor admitted that they had not sent the allegations as the person that was dealing with her case had left and they never got round to doing it on time? nothing was said. I had to accept the non-molestation order as I could get no legal help whatsoever. This was issued on a non-admittance basis, she also managed to get a 3 month extension because I sent her a birthday card and a mothers day card to try to be amicable as we had been together for 7 years. yet nothing was said in regards to a brand new mobile phone i had brought her and that she received? The judge stated there were no concerns raised in relation to me seeing my children and she advised me to arrange this through her solicitor after the hearing. I immediately did so, only to be responded two weeks later with a reply stating that her client had concerns over me seeing the children and i was to apply to the courts for supervised visits only? i immediately replied why were these concerns not raised in the hearing? to which I am still awaiting a reply.
    I received no update in regards to the extension neither from the courts, nor from her solicitor, and the original date was the 7th of June 2021, so naturally I and many of my friends assumed that the non-mol would expire on the 7th of September. and just to clarify I rang the police station and asked for advice in how I could contact her, they stated that if the non-molestation order is in place I would have to be careful not to use abusive nor threatening behaviour, I stated that I thought the non-mol had expired so she then advised me that I could contact her like any other person (Although she never checked on the system) My ex also approached various family members and stated that she still loved me, missed me and that she was no angel so again I naturally assumed that it had expired. I e-mailed her with concerns over my children as my little boy has continuously asked to see me throughout the whole year and even reflects in the TAF reports from the school he attends, my little girl does not even know who I am anymore which is deeply upsetting. My ex also forwarded all bills onto me even though I am still paying for items still in the house, and my belongings are still there.
    Two weeks later 4 officers turned up at where I am staying (Friends house) at 4:20am and arrested me for breach of non-molestation order, I was handcuffed, placed into the back of a police car with seat belt, and repeatedly had the door slammed on my elbow 4 times, when i stated to the officers that that was my elbow they were hitting, a female officer then violently slammed the door shut.
    They seized my brand new iphone and when I arrived at the custody suite, I explained to the duty officer that She had approached my family and told them what she said, the duty officer replied “she can do whatever she wants”. a young male officer who handcuffed me shouted at me to take my hands out of my pockets, to which I turned around and said don’t talk to me like that! they placed me in a cell and again the young officer approached the hatch and demanded my pin to my phone, otherwise I will not get it on release and it will be sent off to forensic where i will have to wait at least 3 weeks for its return. This was a lie as i am still waiting to this day.
    I was held for 24 hours, it was 18 hours before I was interviewed, I told them everything I have stated in this e-mail, they claim that they can escort me round to my property to retrieve my belongings. A solicitor was present and she admitted that there was no abusive nor threatening e-mails and that you can quite clearly see that I just want my children, my belongings, and my name removed from the tenancy so I can at least claw back my life.
    Again I was mis-informed and the officer dealing with my belongings was indeed the arresting officer that verbally belittled me, he has denied stating that they are to escort me round to my property and that i am to give him a list, he will collect and I am to collect from the police station.
    So if this isn’t biased i don’t understand what is, and clearly the law does not side with male victims, just because they are male?
    Her friends (one in particular) have been abusive and threatening and even goaded me about my children, and the police are not bothered, even though i still hold all e-mails she sent, they have not once asked to see them, when I forwarded all the e-mail correspondence to my ex partner back in December 2020, within ten minutes an officer arrived at the door and asked me to stop e-mailing my ex partner? i explained that i wanted to see my children and that she was abusive and threatening, He stated that he would get a PCSO to act as mediator, nothing happened? when I complained to the police station about this request, a sergeant rang me (back in June 2021) and stated that he had spoke to his colleague and that he never mentioned a PCSO, I stated that he was calling me a liar to which he replied that wasn’t what he was stating but if that’s what I thought then that was my choice, I then said that there were only two people at the door that day so he agreed that I was a liar, so I mentioned the recording the officer had and he claimed that that had been deleted as it was irrelevant, I said clearly not and that I would pursue this further, he said I can do but it will only come back to him and I would have to deal with him again.
    Disgusting to say the least.
    Still I am no further on than when I was 12 months ago, and have been treated like dirt by the police, the social services and my ex-partner is allowed to further abuse me and control my life only legally.
    She has recently posted videos on social media of her with a house full of people, early hours and heavily intoxicated while my two children are upstairs, and nothing gets done about it nor does it get looked into.
    It is very distressing, upsetting and frustrating that all this behaviour is allowed to take place.

  48. Daniel says:

    Wife didn’t tell the truth, I was never asked if I did it,

  49. XX says:

    Can I have some advice please,.
    My partner is going through hell seeing his children and now the mother (ex) has put a non molestation order against him and the statement is based on lies.

    She is the abuser and she’s bitter he’s moved on
    He’s been there every time and day he’s supposed to see his kids and when he leaves she’s always hurling abuse also in front of the children and using them as weapons, wishes him harm also in front of the children which has been witnessed by neighbours police and school.
    Does he have any chance of disputing the non moleststion order as she’s making out she fears for her life yet he wouldn’t say boo to a ghost. We have screenshots from abuse she’s plastered on social media also abusive messages and voice notes where there’s been no abuse or raised voices back from my partner would this help with his first hearing??

    • Kate Nestor says:

      Sorry to hear about your situation. I have passed your details to our Client Care team who will be in touch. Best wishes, Kate

  50. Sean says:

    I have a non-mol against me.

    I made the mistake of following process in relation to child custody, then boom a non mol arrived!

    fortunately, I was working from home at the time I was allegedly trying to kick her front door in and can prove where i was..

    I have a contested hearing next month, I can provide evidence on every point..

    here is the good bit.. the solicitors letter she sent, police turning up at my door and the non-mol itself are harassment, i took them in front of a judge and got a non-mol against her!!!

    Very confident of winning my contested hearing

  51. Derick says:

    I have bit hit with a non-mol and occupation order, and also got arrested. It is all lies. I got informed by a friend that she was cheating and then when I confronted her she went to the police and said all these things which were not true and I got arrested and spent sometime in a cell. Apparently I even “abused her” during our argument about her not having an affair! It was just shouting and she was trying to grab me all the time but I didn’t want her to touch me so really don’t understand that!
    I replied with evidence that she was lying in her statement but I was advised to take the undertaking at Family Court. Now I can’t access my own home and have to pay my half of the mortgage for the next 12 months or if the house is sold before, but I reckon she going to put blockers to that!

    How can this be right??? The law needs to change as it seems very biased.

  52. Derwent says:

    Same is happening to me Derick, I’m not even going to attend the hearing, she used something to create bruising on he leg and said it was me 3 days after the alleged assault. I’ve got locked up for nothing then let out without charge, meaning I’m in assent. But yet She’ll be granted what she wants. I’ve put in a complaint to the police, but I no it was them who told her to fake the assault to stop me having access to the house. I won’t be giving her a penny. This is criminal. How can this be justified? I’ve even got videos evidence to prove, nothing of the sort even happened. But I know they will still grant it, because they just want us to be spending money in the family courts. Best thing we can do as men is teach our boys to never marry or have children. And buy property by yourself.

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