False accusations of domestic violence: what can you do?

Family Law | 27 Jan 2017 58

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September 22, 2020


Each week, Stowe Family Law solicitors answer readers’ questions on different legal issues.  A senior solicitor based in our Harrogate office, Theo Hoppen, tackles this week’s topic.

“My ex and I are currently going through an acrimonious divorce and I was alarmed to hear that she has now accused me of abusing her and applied for a non-molestation order. I didn’t do anything of the kind. What are my options?”


Sadly, during the breakdown of a relationship it is sometimes the case that a spouse makes false allegations against the other.  This can be for a variety of reasons: to gain a perceived advantage in a child contact dispute or a dispute in relation to financial matters or sometimes simply out of spite and a desire for revenge.

If you are accused of domestic violence it is important to bear in mind that any allegations will be subject to scrutiny by the court and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without analyzing in detail her allegations.

If your wife claims that she urgently needs a non-molestation order, the court may grant her a temporary order on a ‘without notice’ basis. This means that you will have not received any notification of your wife’s court application before the court grants the injunction.  However, you will be given the opportunity to attend a court hearing within (usually) seven days of the order being granted and there ask the court to dismiss the injunction.

The most important first step is to take advice from a solicitor who specialises in family law and has experience of dealing with these types of cases. They will be able to advise you on your options.

As your wife has applied for a non-molestation order, she will have to provide a detailed statement setting out the allegations and the court will fix a date for a court hearing.  You and your solicitor will review your wife’s statement and discuss this.  Your solicitor will then be able to prepare a statement in response setting out your version of events.  This is an important document as it will be reviewed by the judge before you and your ex attend court. This is not an opportunity to detail every argument and disagreement during your relationship – rather, the purpose of the statement is to refute the allegations made by your ex.

Once the statement has been prepared, this will be sent to the court and a copy will also be sent to your wife’s solicitor. You then have two options.

First, you can agree to provide an ‘undertaking’ stating that you will not threaten, harass, intimidate or pester your ex (or other such wording as appropriate).  The wording of such an undertaking would mirror the wording in a non-molestation order.  An undertaking is a legally binding promise to the court and, if you breach the undertaking, you will be in contempt of court and there will be serious consequences.

You may well ask why you should do this if you are not guilty of domestic violence.  Crucially, the undertaking is provided on the basis that there is no admission by you that your ex’s allegations are true. The purpose of providing the undertaking is to avoid the stress and expense of a court hearing at which both you and your ex will have to give evidence and will be cross-examined by barristers about the alleged domestic violence. It is, in reality, a compromise solution.  As there are no admissions, the court has not found them to be true and your ex cannot rely on them in any other court proceedings.

Secondly, you may wish to defend the allegations and ask the judge to make a ruling that the allegations are false. This would require you and your ex to attend court.  The judge will consider your written statements and listen to the oral evidence you provided in court.  He or she will then decide whether some or all of the allegation are true or false.  This is of course a more “high-risk” strategy than providing an undertaking.  Even if you believe the allegations are false, it may be the case that a judge does not agree with you, for some reason.  You are then left with a ruling that you have committed domestic violence which could have a negative impact on any dispute regarding your children or in more extreme cases, on financial issues arising from your separation.


Theo advises on all aspects of family law including divorce and financial settlements, children issues, cohabitation disputes and pre-nuptial agreements.  He has a particular interest in financial settlements on divorce which often include issues such as trusts, inherited wealth and business interests.

Theo prides himself on offering first-rate client care and support throughout what is often a difficult time.

Theo Hoppen wass a Senior Solicitor in our Harrogate office. He advises on all aspects of family law with a specialism in representing clients in relation to claims against estates under the Inheritance Act.

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  1. Dr Grumpy says:

    So there is no way of clearing your name whatsoever?

    • sammy says:

      i want to thank you for your post im unsure how much i can share on here as the person who has taken me to court is saying im trying to tarnish hes name im the actual victim i cant say how as im not allowed to post it online but i have voice recordings of him threatening my life but after i accused the guy via whatsapp he then stalked me on social media took mental health movement card literal and decided to play the victim he said in the order i hit him once and on whatsapp messages on 3 occasions i obviously denied it on messages as it was news to me ive suffered domestic violence off of another guy and this guy in 2013 this was a big stem to my mental health this guy and hes actions i really dont know what to expect when i go to court i really could do with talking to anyone if anyone as any advice as he started this under false pretences im going to end it on the truth as he ruined my life

  2. Ruth Edwards says:

    As a tier 1 Family judge. I have seen a rise of applications for non mols and allegations of domestic abuse.

    Is it a possibility that the withdrawal of legal aid unless there has been DV might account for the rise?

    • Paul Apreda says:

      Hi Ruth – thank you for your very helpful comments on this issue. I’d be very happy to speak with you separately on the matters as I have been asked by the President’s office to submit some data around the rise in Non Molestation applications for a review that he is currently undertaking. My email is paul@fnf-bpm.org.uk I am the national Manager of the charity in Wales and a Trustee of the English charity. best wishes, Paul

    • Gary Martin says:

      Probably, if police are not informed by say social services are (Of DV, even though nothing happened) what can you do?

      • Sean says:

        My ex partner has an injunction against me and is trying to get it extended but had invited me to stay the night the other day and things were great but now hasn’t contacted me since and I’m wondering if I have any grounds to get the order revoked.

    • Olwen says:

      Hi i would love to chat to you if you have time

  3. Paul says:

    The system is biased as it is always the woman who applies for a non-molestation order and she gets this as she has assistance from nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
    When it goes to court in 99% of cases, the non-molestation order is ordered by the Court in favour of the woman

    The new way forward is for men to apply for a non-molestation order as soon as possible as it is the first one who applies gets it, this has been tried and tested as per mensadviceline.org.uk

  4. Paul Apreda says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. You have no idea how useful it will be.

    I completely understand the logic behind this advice. I suspect I may even have indcated to some of our service users that they might consider something similar. It is however an absolute outrage that someone facing a false and malicious allegation should find it the least worst option to acquiesce in what amounts to an admittance.

    The real value of this piece is in the way that it so clearl illustrates what is wrong with the Family Justice system. An innocent man faced with the loss of his children, his home and his finances is better off agreeing to an undertaking that he won’t abuse his former partner because to defend it might mean that he’s ‘found’ to have been an abuser and that will completely ruin him.

    Truly remarkable and a sad indictment of British justice

    • Arbinder Singh says:

      Arbinder Singh
      I totally agree. Mine was a second marriage in our 50s. Ex walked out and got a non mol just to get a slice of my pre marital assets which she did not contribute towards. All done to send money to her son from her first husband in India. Day light robbery! I have great belief in British justice but this area needs to be corrected as innocent husbands are being criminalised by lying wives. MPs, please legislate to correct this injustice. I would suggest thorough enquiries by the Police before Judge agrees to grant a non mol ex-Parte and a high application fee to minimise abuse of non molestation orders.

  5. Calder Hughes says:

    The advice given here is absolutely awful.

    If an undertaking is given, it can be used to satisfy the LASPO criteria and give the person making the allegations legal aid.

    Why on earth would you say this is a sensible path to take if there is no abuse?

    I smell a rat.

  6. Stitchedup says:

    Firstly, I would like to thank Theo and Stowe Family Law for acknowledging false allegations of domestic violence.

    Sadly however, the article demonstrates what an impossible and unfair position many men find themselves in. I have to say Theo, I cannot agree to your statement “any allegations will be subject to scrutiny by the court and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without analyzing in detail her allegations”. Indeed you’ve pretty much negated this statement with your account of ex-parte orders i.e. “If your wife claims that she urgently needs a non-molestation order, the court may grant her a temporary order on a ‘WITHOUT NOTICE’ BASIS. THIS MEANS THAT YOU WILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY NOTIFICATION OF YOUR WIFE’S COURT APPLICATION BEFORE THE COURT GRANTS THE INJUCTION” So how has the court scrutinised the allegations and how can a judge “analyse in detail” without hearing the other side of the story?? He/she has, has he/she not, essentially accepted what the ex says?? At the follow-up hearing, the man is essentially guilty until proven innocent, the order is made, now prove your innocence. The burden is on the man to prove his innocence and refute the allegations whereas the burden should be on he accuser to prove her allegations. This is a complete reversal of how our justice system is meant to work and often puts a man in the impossible position of having to prove a negative. Also whilst it may appear to be in the interests of the man to have the follow-up hearing at the earliest opportunity to have the non-mol extinguished at the earliest opportunity, it works against him if the burden of proof lies with him and he has to obtain evidence to refute the allegations, such as police reports or the like, which can take months to obtain. In my case I was served an ex-parte non-mol on at approx. 20:30 on a Friday night with the follow-up hearing scheduled for 10:00AM Monday Morning, no time to get legal representation and prepare a robust refutation of the allegations. Non mols and undertakings often go beyond ordering the man not to “threaten, harass, intimidate or pester your ex”, they often include an order banning all forms of communication, so the very act of talking to your partner or texting about something completely benign can, and is, considered contempt of court and could attract a custodial sentence. So non-mols and undertakings do not stop a man from “doing something he shouldn’t be doing anyway” as many judges like to say; indeed if that’s all they did they would be superfluous as that’s what criminal law is for. The whole process is a complete disaster and puts men in an incredibly dangerous situation, undertakings are really no better, the only difference being that you don’t have a ruling against you that you have committed domestic violence, so most men effectively have a gun held to their head and are coerced into accepting an undertaking which, in itself, leaves them in an incredibly precarious situation. This is draconian behaviour by the courts and, imho, breaches several human rights including a right to a fair trial, freedom of speech and freedom of expression, a right to private family life and equality of arms.

    Non mols are superfluous not just because of criminal law, but because they don’t stop murders. If a person has got to the stage they’re prepared to kill, they’ve gone past the point of caring about the consequences or the fact that a judge has put an order on them. They cause immense bad feeling, result in separated families becoming broken families so are not good for any children involved, and put men under extreme pressure and a calculated disadvantage during one of life’s most stressful events. They just make it easy to convict perfectly decent, hard working family men for something that in normal circumstances would not be considered unreasonable let alone criminal behaviour.

    Enforcing these orders takes up scarce police resources and distracts attention from men, women and children that are in genuine mortal danger.

    • Stitchedup says:

      Correction, I was served the order at approximately 20:30 on the Thursday night. Not that it changes much.

      • Terry james Scales says:

        I agree 100% with your comment. I’m in hell through the malevolence of orders such as non molestation and occupation. I was removed from my home and alienated from my son for five months on allegations with zero evidence to support them. There is no scrutiny of the allegations, they are just believed, it’s predicated on an ideology that detests men and marriage. This article is soaked in malevolence.

  7. Euphotic says:


    Our judge broke every proper legal policy described here. What does one do when the judge has no interest in allowing the Respondent show proof of the Applicant’s deceit of the court and dispel her false accusations?

    The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent so her physical violence and neglect would stop being reported; it worked perfectly. Local authorities gave up protecting our children the moment she refused to cooperate with them.

    Any advice?

    • JamesB says:

      re The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent

      Probably the majority of such applications are made for that reason, probably for the money and attention that follows the kids.

      Its a snatch and grab and It stinks that the courts reward such stealing.

      I had this nonsense thrown at me and was suprised the courts payed any attention to it. I was the one being assaulted. It calmed down when I submitted photos of my injuries and she had none. Police were particularly biased in favour of female – turn up arrest man, charge him, bail him not to be allowed home, until thrown out at court. That was the basis of a dodgy non mol order for a week or two, district judge said there must be evidence which exceeded on balance of possibilities threshold as I was charged, so it happened, even though there was no evidence, whole thing a load of shit. Probably increasing if it is a route to legal aid. When we had a proper hearing and I put my version of events and photos it was disposed of. I was later blackmailed into an undertaking, that’s a different story.

      My advice to people faced with this sort of thing? Avoid ex without a witness present or recording on phone. Find girlfriend / FB whatever, point is avoid ex and sign nothing and dont expect any sense from any lawyers or courts as they investigate any nonsense with no evidence as the author says.

      It is disappointing that lawyers string things out and increase costs at the expense of future relations and that they walk over the children especially like that.

      • JamesB says:

        I don’t think spending money on lawyers to defend this sort of thing is worth it either, I self represented or get McKenzie friend. Unless you want shared parenting 50:50 or something.

        Its a Mickey Mouse court really anyway, not a proper conviction and whats the point anyway, if your ex wants a non mol against you there’s no point going near her anyway, except contact which is a different matter and there are ways around. Like handover at public place.

  8. Legal Aid and Domestic Violence in the Family Courts | The Illustrated Empathy Gap says:

    […] will not threaten, harass, intimidate or pester his ex (or other such wording as appropriate), see here for example. This is advised on the grounds that the alternative is a more high risk strategy […]

  9. Richard Nixon says:

    I have been receiving FOI data on NMOs from the Ministry of Justice since 2014 and this data show that there has been 20.2% increase in NMOs in England & Wales from 2011 to 2016 with high increases in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands areas. Government ministers admit in letters to Mrs that there has been an increase in NMOs post LASPO but do not think the latest NMOs are being used for non meritorious applications for legal aid even thorough FOI data shows that they are most used form of DV evidence used to get legal aid. Government ministers say that because the judges are independent of the each government / HMCTS they cannot investigate the increase in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands.

    • Stitchedup says:

      The MoJ are engaging in the post-truth politics of domestic abuse. It’s common knowledge that no evidence of domestic abuse/violence is needed to secure a non mol, so the use of non mols to secure legal aid is in itself non-meritorious.

  10. JamesB says:

    Thinking about it, why not act like a thug so your ex can get free legal aid and save needed money from being spent from the family pot. Just a thought. Strange places these, best avoided if possible and try and keep costs down as more you argue defend and attack the higher the lawyers bills. or self rep or go with a McKensie friend.

    • Stitchedup says:

      No need to act like a thug James, the feminists have conjured a catch-all plan and convinced the courts that all abusers are charming in public, they’re just hiding the monster within. It’s a no win situation.

      • JamesB says:

        Yes, I know. I am just thinking, why not just say, yes, whatever you say, with regards to everything other than finances, given the unenforceable of parenting orders. Its like arguing on if a square is wider or taller, silly and perhaps not worth the effort (or PTSD).

        In the end I found it cheaper to lose then turn up and argue and win or draw. Like Albery Camus said, the Judges get upset and is the biggest crime when you start ignoring them. Because they give you an order that calls you a violent thug doesn’t mean you are one, I wipe my arse with their orders anyway.

        Its like the KKK coming out in favour of Trump. Like who cares what they say.

        I lost respect around round 40 in court when they declined to do anything to help me see my children other than advise my ex that it is in the children’s interests. They seem to be all about giving money to whoever has the children and very little else.

  11. JamesB says:

    To be fair I have seen them do decent things with regards to un contested application for adoption for orphans. I have seen them do good there, perhaps other things also, I’m hot and not feeling especially charitable towards them today. Quote was Albert Camus, L’etranger above.

  12. JamesB says:

    I mean, its not like a criminal record, or that you are likely to get decent contact if your ex grabs them and runs and disagrees anyway, sick joke these hearings.

    The biggest shame is the victims who get no protection as the judge can’t see them as victims as they are the 100th application and the previous 99 have been manufactured. Like the boy who cried wolf. I suppose the world is not completely fair and has imperfections and these decisions are in the grey area. That said I have, like stitchedup, seen a lot of institutional bad decisions in these (E and W family law) courts.

  13. Graham says:

    thank you i was accused of domestic violence by my ex wife her motive was to gain visas she came from usa she lied to the police and court it cost me £28000 of legal fees but her sworn statement to court was lies and I have the evidence to show my ex wife lied in her sworn statement I have given this evidence to the police I was told by my solicitor to accept an undertaking as the cost of the trial was at least £15000 being severely disabled on benefits she had over 1 million dollars I had nothing she could use her money to get whatever she wanted in her sworn statement to court I have in my possesion evidence she lied over 30 times in her sworn statement to court she have no witnesses no evidence but she attempted to use a doctors letter as evidence when it was only her say so she has clearly financially broke me and has caused me to have strokes and a heart attack whilst she is laughing i need a solicitor to represent me because I want to her done for perverting the course of justice she lied

    when you hear my case with the evidence I have you will clearly see she intentionally lied to deceive total deception by my ex wife now I have to sell my home and I am wheelchair bound
    its a travisty of justice when someone lies to get gain i need help
    thanks all

  14. SeeTEE says:

    The rise in male suicide victims as a result of this evil growing trend needs to be monitored.

    Individuals who act in such a way, are a disgrace to genuine victims of domestic abuse.

    By acting in such a unlawful way, they are also of course implicating themselves in child abuse, by wrongly denying their children appropriate access to the other parent.

  15. Damatra says:

    Hi everybody,
    I have been in a relationship with a girl for few month.
    Three month after we broke up she went to the police to file a complain about myself saying to the officer that I have been violent with her. I have been arrested, interviewed for 1h and spent 6h in cell. The Police let me go but kept my phone to investigate further.
    This happened in October, I did not look for support a that time, naively because I was sure to be right and the justice will win. I, yet, don’t have anymore news about the file, and when I call the number they gave me the Detective in charge is never free to talk, and now after 3 month they still need to keep my phone.
    The file is not been brought to the court yet, but as a French native I have no idea of my right in uk.
    What is worrying me the most is the fact that I am Restaurant Manager in Hospitality industry and because of this arrestation I might never be able to find a job in my sector again. Indeed, lot of company are looking for people without any police past.
    I did not report those fact to my company, scared to loose my job. Today this company is offering me a transfer to Singapore, where I need a visa for which I could not been arrested too.

    Knowing I am not and I did not do what she claim, I can now loose everything for a false allegation
    How should I proceed, knowing that I need to avoid as more as I can to go to the court.

  16. g says:

    I was falsely accused of domestic abuse as my ex wife was from USA and she wanted VISAS to stay in the uk without being married to me I am disabled I am dying of heart failure I have had strokes it cost me 21000 legal fees the police know she lied her doctor knows she lied every neighbour knows she lied and independent witnesses knows she lied she then fled the uk When my undertaking to court had expired she knew I was going to file in magistrates court for an arrest warrent on the grounds she perverted justice its a shame its easy for females to make false allegations and then it costs us money defending those false allegations even if I was to challenge he false claims in court I was looking at 15000 pound LEGAL COSTS defending my good name and her potentially her legal costs if I lost HENCE WHY i GAVE AN UNDERTAKING NOT TO CONTACT HER THE LAW FAVOURS FEMALES NOT THE MEN the police should prosecute false allegations as the same as false rapes claims but now she left UK and s back in USA thier is nothing I can do to right the wrong and because of her lies I now have to sell my home my wife made false allegations without no witness statements no evidence no medical evidence just he say so the law is perverse in favour of the female sex even as my wife did abuse me and I am in a wheelchair the police do nothing its one law for the females and one law for the men

    good luck to all when you have a scornful deceitful ex wife like I endured g
    (*Comment moderated)

  17. chris says:

    ive raised my daughter for 10 years as my ex partner was no longer fit to due to neglect she had all four children put into care except my child who i wanted to look after,i won the court case had a soliciitors letter steateing i have full parental responsibilty till shes 16,my ex partner has since had yet another child and wants the income benifits and a bigget house so she stuck a non molestion order on me (which was absoulte rubbish) my daughter is there now i carnt get her back as the order wont let me go near not that i do ive not even seen her for over 1 year shes got my daughter to say shes fear of her life and prommiced her this lovley big new house if she lies and ive been given 6 hours a week in a public place contact carnt even take our home probably her mum thinks i will krep her there like she has me i rung police over 6 times to get her they said it was a civil matter unless i go down to get her then i be arrested meanwhile she facebook saying i hit my daughter and iam violent my daughters in a filthy flat alcohol; drug flat no food probibly in cupboards not been looked after seen outside at 2am wondering streets i carnt honestly belive this is happening ? the law basicly says anyone can get a non molestion order slapped on them say a pack of lies saying there been threatend with no proff of any of it?? most women are just going to lie free court i personaly carnt afford a private solicitor an she knows it hence the non mol order i hope the courts realise when ttey give her custardy because i carnt go court acting on my behalf what a big mistake they made …one horse race inocent people been treat like this is more than wrong ..hope one day the law will change so unfair

    • Richard Nixon says:

      Apply with EX107 form for a transcript of the ex-parte NMO hearing and when you get that back do the following:

      1. Report the mother to police for perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice if you find relavant evidence in the transcipt
      2. Apply to the court with an FL403 form for the NMO to be revoked on grounds of perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice

      What court gave her the NMO and when did she get the NMO. Was it ex-parte / without notice or with notice NMO application?

      I have relevant FOI data from the Ministry of Justice on NMOs in the England & Wales Family Courts as I run the Crawley, Horsham and Horley support group of Families Need Fathers, The FOI data shows an 30.3% increase in NMOs in all courts in England & Wales from 2011 to 2017 however in Sussex area the increase is 220.8% for all 5 family courts combined and selected courts in the Midlands region with large increases such as Birmingham (338.1%), Derby (955.6%), Leicester (201.4%), Lincoln (274.8%), Stoke-on-Trent (241.8%), and Wolverhampton (295.9%).
      (*Edited by the moderators: it is not a good idea to leave email addresses in comments)

      • S CK says:

        Can I please have a link to your support group, I still have a very complex case going on at present it’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen my children and would be interesting to see of any similar cases to the extent of mine and the outcome of them.

  18. Smail says:

    This is what happens when someone is been accused you of domestic violence

    – you lose your rights of legal aides
    – you don’t get any help from citizens advices bureau
    -if you are going to court n your own don’t expect any advices from P.S.U
    -if you are paying for your Solisitors
    – what I’ve noticed is everybody is against you starting from the district judge the social the police ..,.ect

    Watch up the last minute hearing concelation made by here lawyers to make you spend all your money and ended by representing yourself in court
    – well if your are atanding court in high Holborn families court you can not win the case even if you are supported by 100 barister

    -m’y advice to anyone who was accused of dolostone violance don’t let the lawyers take your moneys,and start your new life instead

    Good luck to you guys

  19. Mark says:

    My wife got me arrested for common assault as well as coercive behaviour, for which I was charged for both, and remanded in custody for my court appearance where I pleaded not guilty, as her allegations were lies, but as I was in custody I couldn’t speak to any witnesses, bank etc. She took out a non molestation order ex parte while I was in custody based on the allegations, and it means I cant live in my own house. As I had been charged with the offences my solicitor said there was no point in challenging it.
    While on bail I gathered loads of evidence to disprove both allegations, and three weeks before my crown court trial the prosecution offered no evidence, stating that her victim statements wholly differed from the evidence they had, they had not seen any evidence from me at that point.
    I was found not guilty, and awarded costs.
    My solicitor has advised that I can sue my wife, and also the Police, who advised the CPS wrongly, and who authorised the charges. The problem is I have no money now for a solicitor, my wife won’t drop the non molestation order and is refusing to give me any of my items from the house. We’ve also got children, and she wont let me contact them either, even though there’s nothing to stop me from doing so.

  20. Jerry says:

    If only the actual reality was as the OP has written!
    The judge in my case DID NOT even listen to any of my testimony, didn’t want to read my statement, just granted the orders to my ex with absolutely no evidence or scrutiny, just a complete fabrication on every aspect. COurt orders received very late on a Friday, due in court Monday morning,!!

  21. Richard Nixon says:

    Mark. Make an application with FL403 form for the NMO to be revoked on grounds of acquittal in the criminal courts. Richard

  22. James says:

    The insanity of modern women and their use of the courts to lie and destroy good men no choice but to go MGTOW.
    The juice is no longer worth the squeeze and women have shown their true colours.

  23. Rich says:

    Indeed James. I was arrested and released without charge pending investigation last night for an incident that happened December 2016! All a guise so I can’t see my son and the worst thing is I’ll probably end up cautioned for it. MGTOW all the way now. I’ve seen the light. If only the system would wake up too.

    • Richard Nixon says:

      Main reasons that false allegarions are made is to stop child contact and if an application is made for a child arrangement order by the respondent the application can get legal aid using prescribed domestic violence evidence such as NMO, DVPO DVPN, Occupancy Order, police bail, criminal court proceedings, relevant criminal court conviction

      • JH says:

        This is what has happened to my son. My former daughter-in-law has documented mental health issues and a fact finding hearing judged that she had lied, but because she got in early with her accusations she has had legal aid to prevent my son (and all of us) from seeing my only granddaughter for 2 years. He has not faced any charges – there is no evidence – but it has cost him a fortune and had an impact on his career just going to court to try and gain access. But everything in the system supports her. This is absolutely wrong, but is anything being done to stop it?

  24. Ricky says:

    I feel deeply for all the stories told on here….such a stressful thing to have to experience. Totally unjustified outcomes against the male. I divorced my wife because of her treatment of me, but that detail was soon forgotten as the falsifications began. She maintained a façade of frightened wife all the way through the divorce, even hiding in another room during the joke that is mediation. All authorities seemed quite happy to believe it all, even though there was no evidence from a long marriage. Nobody questions that it was all fabricated during the divorce period even though I tried to use the word ‘amicable’ in early communications. The following is what I wrote to the legal Aid agency who disregard the content by quoting a secrecy clause in the Punishment of offenders act.
    “I do not feel the LAA have properly investigated the qualifying criteria was satisfied when issuing this full legal aid certificate to the aforementioned person. I have been told by the LAA that they hold information about me which I am excluded from seeing due to freedom of information. I am living in turmoil knowing there is something untrue on record about myself which must relate to alleged domestic violence, as this is the only way one can gain full publically funded Legal Aid. When I am told ‘It is not the purpose of the Legal Aid Agency to investigate the nature of any Domestic Violence allegations, we have no investigatory functions in this regard’ does this mean that any allegation is enough grounds for a grant of legal aid? Surely there needs to be evidence? As I know 100% there has been no domestic violence in my 20 years of marriage, nor evidence thereof, I am tormented that Legal Aid was given based on lies. My ex wife even lied to the Police to spite me and they believed her allegation initially, but I fought to clear my name and was eventually successful and even received an apology from the chief inspector. A transcript from the police shows a call made by my ex wife during the divorce telling them of a recent assault which was completely untrue. She lied to many authorities in order to ensure she was awarded as much of the ‘matrimonial assets’ she could. Even the financial situation of my ex wife did not qualify her as sufficiently poorly off to qualify for LA. I was paying all her bills, there was no mortgage, she was in receipt of child maintenance and various state benefits because she elected not to take employment. She also had access to £Thousands in premium bonds in my young daughter’s name. I have been writing to the LAA for years trying to make clear that public money has been fraudulently claimed. This communication and reams of evidence will be available to back up my complaint, and I do not intend to give up because I know something is wrong here, even if it is a clerical error, and I have suffered much loss as a result. My divorce solicitor said to me at the time ‘we do not under any circumstances want her [my ex wife] to get legal aid, which was the cited reason she applied for an unnecessary Non molestation and occupation order when I was living away from the matrimonial home and had not been anywhere near. My unexpected challenge to that application, due to being completely innocent of any wrong doing, ended when my ex wife backed out of the application 2 weeks before the hearing. My court bundle preparation and barrister appointment had cost me £3000. Her [my ex wife] solicitor cited my ‘good behaviour’ as the reason for withdrawal and yet I had behaved no differently at any time. 2 weeks later my ex-wife was awarded full publically funded Legal Aid and my solicitor was visibly mystified as to how this was achieved, and that there must have been some kind of error but even she could not penetrate the iron veil the LAA seems to be able to deploy. The worst had happened, and the amicable split I wanted it to be, became a greedy, expensive underhand fight by my ex wife, punishing me for leaving her due to her behaviour rewarded by the Legal Aid Agency not doing their job correctly and checking that qualifying criteria had been met. She should not have been awarded this certificate and would have been much more amicable and careful with our joint money had it not been. I have lost everything I worked for because she was empowered because of this mistake. I feel fully justified in expecting an apology and compensation for my losses, as well as punishment for those who have lied to this Government agency to gain financially from the public purse.”

    • Daniel Parker says:

      im having very similar problems, my wife put in for a divorce after 17 years of marriage, she hadnt worked in the last 17 years, she was told only way to get legal aid was to say she was domestic abused, they tried to force me out of our house, but they failed as i had proof she was lying. solicitor gave her a letter for her doctor to sign to get legal aid, doctor refused, so when she told solicitor they refused to sign the solicitor told her unless you get it signed you will have to pay thousands so she went straight back down crying and threatening to kill herself unless they signed, which they did but this is blackmail, and now shes getting legal aid, she also got a council house within a month by saying she was living in fear, i have a copy of her solicitors letter where they even said as doctor refused to sign we told you that you had to pay for divorce, but then you went back to doctors threatening to take matters in to your own hands unless they signed which they did, so we can now go ahead with legal aid, you also never mentioned living in fear. so even tho ive got proof, ive complained to legal aid and they say they have check and her legal aid has been granted as it met the criteria!!! the system is so corrupt, any ideas what i can do to stop her legal aid as its claiming money fraudulently, thanks, dan

  25. SS says:

    I agreed to an non mol on the understanding that I had done none of what I had been accused of. My partner actually wanted me out of the family home due to seeing someone else. The only way was to accuse me of some terrible thing’s. I agreed to the undertaking so I could get access to my daughter. There was absolutely no evidence against me. But she got legal aid. I could not afford a solicitor. Now… she is living with the guy which is fine.. but I have heard from people that he shouts at my 7 yr old in the street and thing’s like it. If I question anything she uses the nmo as a battering ram to shut me up. I have genuine concerns. What do I do

  26. Kevin Harling says:

    Hi all…can anyone help…my ex partner put me through hell with her drug taking and never brought snything to the table..she was addicted to sleeping pills and stole and lied everyday…after 15 month of this and getting her to leave 20 plus times shes lost it with me…ive moved on and now shes making my life hell sending me dirty videos snd attention seeking messages like….help im being followed…shes lied saying her dads dying…ive heard it all!! Cos ive ignored all this shes now reported me to police and ive done nothing wrong…shes said to tell police im nasty and theyve warned my new girl…ive not been arrested over anythin with her…shes only done this for revenge…now apparently am high risk!..ive done nothing wrong apart from get rid of a drug taking liar…plzzzz help

  27. Kevin Montgomery says:

    Most of the woman that issue these are sociopaths, narcissists and borderline personalities. Do an undertaking and move on, don’t waste a second of your life thinking any more about these lowlifes. Forget about the NMO, don’t break your undertaking and proceed on with your contact proceedings. Most men now know the NMO is a major scam and an injustice to men. If you have an abusive female partner, change the locks when she is out and issue the NMO against her, also include in the terms that she is not to harass the children. It takes some balls to do this but you have to play dirty now to get a good outcome as women are regularly gaming the system. Make sure you have good recorded evidence of her abuse and report any, even minor assaults to the police otherwise a judge may look on what you have done negatively. If your lowlife ex partner has marked you in any way, make sure you have photographed and presented all injuries however minor to your gp or hospital. The 2015 change to domestic abuse laws is there to protect men also so make sure you use it. Fighting a NMO probably a waste of money even if you are innocent. The pondscum that have them issued are eventually found out with their lies – it usually eats them away in the years that follow and they end up on antidepressants. Keep your heads high fellas, pick your next woman more carefully, you’ll know the warning signs at least.

  28. Anneka Reid says:

    My wife has put in claims of domestic violence which I have not done I’ve been to court and had to plead guilty because I was told if I didn’t I would be locked up that day . She has made claims that I’ve been abusing her domestically for 14 years which is untrue all because she wants to take my house and doesn’t have no financial means if her owe and doesn’t want to work at all . There was an altercation were she went to hit me and injured her self in the process. I’m not allowed home financially at a stain and had to plead guilty even tho I’ve done nothing what do I do how do I prove she’s not telling the truth. She nod the system because she’s had her mom contacting for money for the kids so she’s not making direct contact and in breach of the court , I’m worried could loss my job everything what do I do.

    • Kate Nestor says:

      Thanks for your query I have passed your details to the Client Care Team who will be in touch. Regards,

  29. Brian O' Connor says:

    Can I get a non molestation order rescinded/overturned against myself? My wife recently obtained one using pretty much the same non existent evidence against myself as the vast majority of those stated above. She got an emergency order against me for domestic violence etc, etc & in over 28 years of marriage I have never once laid a finger on her but, she has in the past made false allegations to the police, which as usual they believe, & has had myself arrested as a result of these false & malicious allegations. She recently decided to leave the matrimonial home, again on false & very petty allegations & ran off to a safe house provided by the authorities & for which she would have also had to have reiterated these false allegations otherwise she would not have been given this emergency accommodation. I was not given any notice of this order & there was no opportunity for myself to refute any of her allegations, yet the order was granted in my absence & as with the others on here I was also told to accept the order, though she did agree to set aside the allegations in court. She has stated to myself that she did not write her statement to the court & that she also did not see what was put in her statement for the order to be granted because in her words, “she did not have the time to view her statement before she was due to go into court & to meet her solicitor”. Just prior to going into court to have this matter dealt with she agred that there were mistakes made, referring to all of her false accusations as I thought, in her statement & she agreed to amend it, but what she did was made up even more lies & had them included in the statement which again she signed on the day of the court hearing & outside of the courtroom itself. So in effect she is either saying that her solicitors made this whole statement up or she herself is lying mainly due to the fact that her signature is on the statement & that she would have had to have read it beforehand in order to sign it according to another solicitor whom I spoke to. She has told myself to get the order revoked or whatever because she is not willing to do anything herself about it & that I should go to a solicitor & to court where she will state this fact to the court. Can this order be overturned/rescinded or can it only be done by the petitioner?

  30. Umarin says:

    In my case, I am a Thai woman who living in London(2003).
    I was falsely accused and my reputation was disparaged.
    I know what it’s like to be shamed, accused as bad behaved and dragged into court. Despite the adversity I want to defend myself. How can I do that??

    This is my story.

    I was married(30/06/2011) with British man and moved in to live with him and his parents in country side. After married 1 year I had so depressed from living with my mother in law so much, she had Bipolar and controlling everything (work, money, foods, life etc.) So April 2012, I found Job in London then I moved back for work(full time) and I went home every my day off(2 days per week) for 7 months.(I paid for family foods when I went home) During that time when I was working(1 month before I resigned) I had received messages from my husband that ‘are you coming home? If not, don’t ever come home again.’ I had asked myself what is that supposed to mean. I just got back to work 2 days. Then I have to go to give a leaving letter to my Human Resource Department. I had to give up my job again for my family(2nd time). I was working with my father in law as gardener(I am beauty therapist). One day after I moved back home(April 2013) I used my husband laptop and I found out about his cheating. It was since we were 6 months after married(after we back from honeymoon in Thailand). He had Internet chatted with a Thai girl who live in Thailand in same Village I was born. They have planned to meet in Thailand by September 2013. I was crying very hard and packing my suitcase ready to leave. He came back from work and found out about what happened. He asked for a chance as he said that it’s only chatting and he will not do that again. Yes, I forgave him and stayed. Until January 2015 I received messages from my brother that my mother is not very well, she was in Intensive Care Unit(in Thailand). I fly home that night and I told my husband that I will stayed until she got better(she had Pulmonary Embolism) during that time I had never received anything messages from my husband instead I have to called him sometimes. I had to looked after my mother in hospital every day and night. Her symptom got worse and I received messages from my husband(he had ever asked about my mother symptom) that he want to divorce soon as possible(April 2015). I replied ‘Yes, sent me paper then-this is my address…’ 2 and half weeks after that my mother passed away(2nd of May 2015). In September 2015 I received the letter from court. The 6 reasons he want to divorce me
    1. Bad behaviour
    2. Abused
    3. Leave him for no reasons(2015)
    4. Could not communicate with his family
    5. Scared him to cut his willy
    6. Not working
    I really want to defend myself what I supposed to do?? Do I have time to defend myself? I received Decree Nisi.

  31. Rick F. says:

    I have come to the conclusion 100 or so years from now if humans are still around, well the ones that are in there 80’s. They will be enjoying there dinner or some other social gathering and they will reflect on all the innocent Men that have been placated by that “Law that was only put into place to deny the People to have there right to bear arms taken from them” I believe that there will be nothing the true victims of this law ( That is what all of the men, and consual should refer to them as) can do… Also all these sites and i have been to many all you do is talk, but then again thats about all thats going to be done at least in our lifetime.

  32. George says:

    So let me understand this. Ex had me issued with a restraining order. Judge concluded ALL her allegations were false and her credibility seriously damaged and immediate contact ordered. She had legal aid through the the notorious womens aid . Does that mean I can complain and how do I go about complaining so she can face the consequences

  33. Darshan says:

    I had a without notice Non-Mol order issued yesterday and there is a hearing in a few days. Where a non-mol AND an occupation order were applied for, does this mean that at the next hearing an occupation order can be issued? I paid for the house but mistakenly put it in joint names, I’m 75 and not at all well – so worried about being made homeless after these false allegations as have nowhere to go. Please advise.

  34. Towel says:

    Hi My partner has made false allegations of violence against me in order to have me arrested and convinced in order for her to keep the flat.

  35. Tony Suley says:

    Hi MY partner wants to sell the flat but I don’t we have had several arguments over this.My partner attacked me for no reason left me cut and bruised.I grabbed her from the front and restrained her in self defence.The bruising she had was put on by makeup because the hole of her chest was black and blue and purple.Bruising starts of red then after a day or two it changes colour,not after 30 minutes.After attacking me she went to the kitchen and called the police and I was arrested for assault.She has planned this in order to keep my flat.I am not allowed to contact her or go to my flat.I have had a nervous breakdown,I haven’t been to work I haven’t got paid, I have had counciling and been in hospital for 3 days.

  36. Sean Og says:

    Hi Ex took out a non molestation order on me several years ago. During that time my ex wife had came round to where I was living and verbally and physically attacked me at my front door. My son and youngest daughter had been living with me during this time during this non molestation order was taken out on me. I had been to the court approx. 6-7 occasions and my ex was able to get the hearing cancelled every time for reasons I don’t know. My Ex wife said I was an alcoholic, a gambler and she never had any money to feed the family, she also said all the family was scared of me and lived in fear. Even though 2 of my 3 children were living with me after separation and the other visited me regularly.

    I reported the attacks on me from my ex wife to the police and they took the statement, and explaining about the non molestation order on me, but didn’t care and the officer was trying to stop himself laughing. My son and his girlfriend angry about my situation went to the police to make statements about the abuse they’ve witnessed on me from my ex wife, the police officer asked me to place charges, but I declined as I thought it would only make things worse for the whole family. She had a history of attacking me physically and mentally and pinning me a knife if I asked something she didn’t like. She controlled all the money within the house and complete control of everything in the household. If I even tried to give advice for the kids future in regarding anything, she’d say “I carried them 9 months and you’re just some man, in short she had complete control.

    After approx. 8 months my daughter wanted to go live with her mum and sister, so I helped her pack her things. Due to her having a lot of things and she was trying to walk to her mum’s, I decided to give her a lift in the care to the street leaving her approx. 100 metres from her mum’s house. 30 minutes later the police came to my home and arrested me, taking me to the police station and I was charged. When I went to court the police were trying to taint me as a tyrant and my family were scared of me. Thankfully the judge said I don’t think that’s true. I ended up with criminal record and suspended sentence. I have just been offered a job, but then was turned down after the police check. As many have already said, men are guilty when a woman accuses.

  37. S Jans says:

    After a 11 year solid contact arrangement with my son and having such a positive affect on his upbringing in so many areas, as soon as he turned 16, his mother terminated his phone which I got him and paid for several years and blocked my number. Being completely shell shocked but knowing exactly what her character and traits were I didn’t rise to the situation for 2 months. Then I went and knocked on her door with my 78 year old father, just to bear witness I wasn’t doing anything wrong, she served a non molestation order on me. It was all completely full of lies and based on the time we were married between 2002-2009. It wasn’t even current or relevant and, completely false. At the hearing that followed, I accepted the order but denied all the allegations, as it would have prolonged contact and by this time I was desperate to see my best friend, my son. The district judge was very pleasant and injected the human touch into the hearing even commented at the end that I conducted myself in a respectful manner. The order was amended so I could write to her. An email in August has been ignored and another in September by email and recorded delivery has been ignored. My heart has been ripped out as I’ve now not seen my son for 5 months. In 11 years I never let my son down once, or her, and now all of a sudden like a light switch I’ve been turned off just like that. This is a case of parent alienation/malicious parent syndrome and my son has been heavily manipulated. Our father son relationship was outstanding.
    I have now lodged a C100 application with a hearing date at the end of October and Cafcass now being involved. I have so much evidence in terms of photos and videos of us, pretty much documented every happy moment of my son’s life. Picked him up from school every Wednesday taken him for his tea, coached him swimming, then picked him up every other Friday and dropped him back the following Sunday evening. Every school event, every dentist appointment any other time, if he wasn’t well I’d go and see him at her flat. Always been there for him and never let him down, or her. She on the other hand always pestered us with constant phone calls every time he was with me. But I never once conducted myself in a bad way, always on time and completely reliable. This has been an absolute travesty and I’m fighting every day in ways to see my son again. This has been my reward for being an excellent dad and a decent human being! My human rights have been breached, it’s disgusting. How one human being can treat another like this is beyond sinful.

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