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Divorce & looking after yourself by Tracy Sapier

Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences that life has to offer. A time of stress and anxiety, an emotional rollercoaster that impacts on the family as a whole.

It is at times like these, when you have reached a traumatic crossroads in your life, that some kind of support may be just what you are looking for.

Do you need a safe place to talk? Do you want to try, one more time, to save your marriage? Do you want to look back in years to come and know that at least you tried to sort things out?

Why keep things bottled up? Communication is a way forward and something that can easily be neglected within a routine marriage. We can all lead such busy lives we end up just taking each other for granted. When stress works its way into your lives we tend to take it out on the person closest to us…the person we live with! If the stress gets too much, it can start to boil over in hurtful comments which are only going to fuel the fire.

Which the road gets rocky that is the time the time to start to listen, understand and support each other.

Children can be very aware of what is going on within the home without their parents even realising this. They could be frightened, or too upset to tell Mummy and Daddy how they feel. They may even think it is their fault. Their behaviour may change at home or at school. They may become withdrawn, rude, disruptive or fall out with all their friends.

This is where play therapy can help. They can work through anger, confusion and pain in a safe place. They are able to say how they feel without upsetting anyone. Using creativity; drawing, modelling or using toys like hand puppets can help lift this veil of silence.

There are so many different ways to work through this very difficult time for adults too.

Psychodynamic therapy: this Freudian technique aims to draw out the fears and anxieties gathered from previous experiences and bring them to your conscious awareness. Through deep and systematic exploration, you come to terms with your demons and use them in a positive way. By learning from your own subconscious past, you may well be able to see a way forward to a more fulfilling life.

Psychosynthesis: this is a well-established theory, based on the work of Italian doctor Roberto Assagioli,. It aims to use your own inner resources and unlock your full potential. Therapists can help you conduct your thoughts in a productive way, so the noise in your head becomes a melody and you will then find yourself able to unlock your true potential.

Aromatherapy and guided visualisations: sometimes, simple thought exercises are not enough and you may require a little inspiration in the form of sensory stimulation and imagination. It may help to think of this as helping you to a safe space within your inner self when life becomes a little too much to take in.

Relational Counselling offers a compassionate and friendly atmosphere; somewhere one may escape and overcome any issues which may be causing emotional difficulty. Counselling encourages the expression of emotion, free from judgement or pressure. A confidential space in which you have the opportunity to talk freely and be guided in the exploration of your inner self. Only then will you be able to find the best way forward on your own personal journey.


Tracy Sapier BSC DIpDip MBACP (registered) is a relational counsellor based in Leeds but working with clients across Yorkshire. 

The blog team at Stowe is a group of writers based across our family law offices who share their advice on the wellbeing and emotional aspects of divorce or separation from personal experience. As well as pieces from our family law solicitors, guest contributors also regularly contribute to share their knowledge.

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