Naheed Taj has recently joined Stowe Family Law as the Managing Partner of our new office in Reading. Naheed has a wealth of experience in all aspects of family law. Today, she joins us on the blog to discuss top tips to help you deal with divorce.
“During my years of practice in family law, I have seen many families torn apart because of the way in which they handle their divorce. The sea of emotion that we find ourselves in fills us with despair, anger, humiliation, revenge and the inability to let go.
When we become self-absorbed in this way we fail to glance at ourselves to take stock of how our emotions have taken over our ability to think logically. No other financial decisions we make are filled with such confusion and therefore we fail to deal with our divorce like any other business transaction.
Dealing with divorce can be distressing, however, there are seven tips that I can give you that will help you feel more in control and manage your divorce.
1. Find a good solicitor
This may sound obvious. However, you are trusting your life into the hands of another person. This is not a simple appointment with the hairdresser. The strategy adopted by your solicitor and the skills they use to negotiate could have far-reaching implications for you both emotionally and financially. Your solicitor is your voice and power of reason for the duration of your case. Ensure you trust them and have full confidence that they will drive your case to get the best possible outcome. Be selective in who you appoint to avoid disappointment before it’s too late.
2. Get the right legal advice
Google has become our friend and advisor but you should be wary of the information available on the web. It has taken me years of experience and exposure to litigation at Court to understand the parameters of the family judgements and why decisions are made. Don’t get caught up in other people’s stories on the web. Your marriage was different as will be your divorce. No one case I have ever dealt with has ever been the same as another. Listen to the expert handling your case.
3. Be realistic
Many people have difficulty confronting the reality of their situation. You are carving up a household to make two so there will be repercussions of this. Be realistic with yourself and concentrate on the greater issues and your long-term objective.
4. Be open and honest
It is essential your legal team is given all the information about your case. They need to have the full details about your finances. It is best, to be honest, and open right at the start of your matter so that a strategy can be adopted to deal with such issues, rather than having to compensate at a later stage.
5. Get the right support
You need support to get you through your divorce. This may involve a variety of experts like accountants, financial advisors, surveyors or private investigators. Your solicitor will be able to guide you on who you need to call upon and when. Take their guidance.
6. Don’t take legal advice from friends
Ensure you are not getting legal advice from friends and relatives. Whilst such people can be an excellent source of emotional support often they mount up anxiety when they second guess your legal outcome. When in doubt ensure your solicitor gives you the advice you need.
7. Don’t beat yourself up
Remember that lots of people go through a divorce so you are not alone. Instead, reward yourself every time you make a decision that is not what you necessarily wanted. To make the best of a bad situation you need to compromise and remain focused on your long-term objective as painful as this may be. Things will get better.
Divorce is never pain-free, but with the right help and support, we can help you manage the process.”