Reportedly the actress Gwyneth Paltrow once asked her late father: ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ He replied: ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.’
‘Conscious uncoupling’ aside, September is a peak time for people to start divorce proceedings. Summer holidays can place a strain on a marriage, particularly if there are already issues, and lots of couples end the holiday looking at the future of their relationship.
So, we asked our divorce lawyers to have a think about the most common signs that a marriage may be in trouble.
Here are the top 5…
You have stopped communicating
On the surface, things may look great. I mean, you never argue so things are fine, aren’t they? Well, maybe not. Arguments are communication although granted not the most effective. In fact, it is avoiding arguments and not addressing issues that lead to resentment building up. Sweeping things under the carpet does not get rid of them. It creates a growing space between you both and you need to take stock before it gets worse.
You irritate each other
Those little quirks that you used to find endearing are now starting to annoy you and over time have built up. The rose-tinted glasses have slipped and doubt increasingly creeps in. You may think at this point that the marriage has no future.
Increased irritability can also be a sign of anxiety so you may need to seek expert or medical advice.
You lead separate lives
This is different from a healthy marriage with separate interests. It’s about a genuine disconnect from each other. Maybe you stopped telling each other where you are or you are filling your free time with work, friends, exercise, anything that distracts you from your relationship. Amongst other things, it shows you already have one foot out of the door.
You put the kids first
Children can put pressure on any relationship and, of course, at times they must come first but constantly focusing on the kids leaves very little time for your relationship. Long-term this can back-fire as when the children leave you both realise there is nothing left.
Instead of putting the children first, put the whole family first. Your relationship and the well-being of parents is important to ensure the family works.
You feel indifferent
No longer caring what your partner thinks is not a good sign. When a couple stops trying in a relationship it’s usually a red flag that all is not well. If you feel that it is irrelevant or pointless to talk to your partner or easier just not to bother, then you are emotionally disconnecting from the relationship. Respect is essential in a marriage. But when you view your partner as someone unworthy of respect, things often go downhill from there.
Making the decision to call it quits on a marriage is always difficult and should not be taken lightly. It is important to get professional help.
Get in touch
If you are affected by any of the issues above please do get in touch with our divorce experts here.