When parents separate, there are many difficult conversations to have — from where the children will live to how much time they will spend with each parent. For those who choose private education, one of the most overlooked areas is the details of how private school costs will be shared. It might sound simple to say “we’ll split the school fees 50-50” or “one of us will cover all school expenses”, but unless you agree exactly what that means — and put it in writing — you’re inviting misunderstandings, arguments, and unexpected costs.
Chloe Oudiz, certified divorce coach, explores managing the school fee discussion ahead of the start of a new school year.
I’ve seen time and again how a lack of clarity in this area can cause friction between co-parents, sometimes years after the divorce. Here are some practical points to discuss and agree on now, with examples of what can go wrong when they aren’t addressed.
Define exactly what is included
Be explicit: does “school fees” mean only tuition, or also:
- enrolment fees and deposits
- books and stationery
- uniforms, PE kits, and sports equipment
- IT fees or devices required by the school
- music tuition or other specialist lessons
- exam fees
- school transportation
Example: One client assumed her ex would split the enrolment fee when their child started school. He insisted it wasn’t a “school fee” because it was a one-off standalone cost and refused to pay. Because their agreement never mentioned it, she had no choice but to cover the full amount.
Other educational expenses
Clarify whether you will share the cost of:
- day trips
- residential trips
- tutoring and other educational support (for special needs children for example)
- extra-curricular activities and their associated gear
Example: A father believed extra-curricular activities and tutoring were part of his children’s education. His ex-wife saw them as optional extras and refused to contribute. They had agreed to split “school expenses” but hadn’t listed these activities, leading to a stand-off.
Lunches and other daily costs
School lunches are easy to overlook but can quickly add up. Will you share the cost if lunches are provided by the school? What if they aren’t, or the children stop eating at school, and one parent supplies packed lunches?
Example: One client’s former husband agreed to pay all school expenses instead of paying child maintenance. When the school stopped offering lunches, he refused to contribute to packed lunch costs because they weren’t provided by the school itself.
Changes in services
What happens if your child stops using a service you’ve been paying for, such as the school canteen or a bus pass? Does the saving get split between you, or does it just reduce the contribution from the parent who was paying?
Similarly, how will you manage new costs that didn’t exist when you first agreed, such as new technology fees or equipment requirements?
Unexpected increases
Private school fees almost always rise annually. Agree in advance how these increases will be handled so neither parent is caught off-guard. You might decide to maintain the same cost-sharing ratio, or to review contributions each year.
What happens if circumstances change?
Jobs are lost, incomes change, and sometimes one parent faces a major life change that affects their ability to pay. Will you revisit the arrangement if this happens? Agree on how often you will review your agreement — annually, or only if circumstances shift significantly.
Conclusion
Thinking through these points now might feel like overkill, but it’s one of the best ways to protect your finances and maintain a cooperative co-parenting relationship. When you both know exactly what you’ve agreed to, you remove opportunities for misunderstandings and arguments. This isn’t about predicting every possible scenario — it’s about agreeing on how you will handle the unexpected events to avoid future disagreements.
I’ve helped many clients re-work unclear agreements after they’ve led to disputes. In almost every case, it would have been much easier — and cheaper — to get it right at the beginning. Clear agreements don’t just protect your wallet; they protect your relationship with your co-parent by keeping arguments to a minimum. And that’s better for everyone — especially the children.
More about Chloe Oudiz
Chloe, The Divorce and Separation Coach, is a certified divorce coach. She is the leading coach for expats and international families. She has extensive experience with guiding clients through the emotional strains of divorce and supporting them from the decision phase, right through into post-divorce life.
More from Chloe
Handling the judgement of others during your divorce
How to tell your friends and family about your divorce
The importance of seeking emotional support during divorce
Useful Links
Who pays school fees after divorce?
