Nobody enters a marriage expecting it to end, but if you’re thinking about divorce and separation, it can quickly become overwhelming. The knowledge that divorce is more common than ever before, with around 40% of all marriages ending in divorce, and is more socially accepted, does not always provide comfort when looking at your own reality. What may help is knowing that you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings.
Whilst every divorce, civil partnership dissolution, or separation is different and unique to your family and circumstances, there are some simple tasks that will apply to every case.
What are the first steps of divorce? 5 practical steps to starting a divorce
We have put together 5 brief steps to help guide you through the very first stages of your divorce, where everything seems overwhelming, before you have even formally applied for the divorce.
1) Take a step back
Often, the first step forward is to actually take a step back. It’s easy to get sucked into the immediate practicalities of what’s next:
- Sorting out your finances
- What happens to your children
- Temporary living arrangements
However, this is a life-changing event for you and your family that you need time to process. It can take an immediate mental and physical toll, and your body can go into fight or flight mode, often clouding your decision-making ability.
Give yourself some space to process your emotions, and communicate this as openly as you can with your ex. Don’t forget they’ll need time too, and it’s in both of your best interests to make sure you are mentally prepared for the next stages. You should also discuss if you want to apply for a divorce as sole or joint applicants.
If you feel able, tell a trusted loved one about your divorce. This can release the burden from solely your shoulders, and you’ll feel comforted knowing you have an engaged support network right from the get-go.
2) Make notes for yourself
The arrangements are often overwhelming, so it is helpful to write down, whether on paper or digitally, any immediate concerns or things you might want to remember.
These might be your thoughts on your financial or children’s concerns, but it might be far simpler than that.
Remember, you don’t have to have everything in place immediately. Take the time you need to consider your decisions and think about the practicalities of your choices, rather than rushing to make a decision.
3) Seek legal advice
You should seek advice from an expert family lawyer when you are ready. A family solicitor will be able to gently introduce you to the legal process of divorce and give you an overview of the mandatory waiting periods, like the 20-week reflection period, and how it all works. They can also advise you on whether it would be best for just you to start the divorce, allow the other person to apply or do a joint application. There can be pros and cons to each.
From an initial conversation, you won’t get too much information about the exact expectations for your case, but you can express your priorities for moving forward. For example, if you want to prioritise non-court dispute resolution options, like mediation, to promote an amicable divorce.
Your lawyer will also be able to explain how divorce proceedings work, explaining what a conditional order is, the £612 court fee for an application, and how long your divorce is likely to take.
You will also need to ensure you are legally eligible to divorce in England and Wales through a sufficient connection to this jurisdiction. You also need to have been married for a year before you can apply for a divorce. No fault divorce means you don’t need a reason for divorce, only that your marriage has broken down irretrievably.
Andrew Campbell, an Associate at our Worcester family law office, says:
“The new divorce laws have meant that a potential requirement to point fingers as to who is to blame or be separated for a certain period of time is now gone. It is hoped that this will enable divorces to be started faster after separation, whilst avoiding apportioning blame.
“The introduction of the longer waiting periods for the new divorce process, though, means that divorces are likely to take in excess of 6 months. The waiting periods only start counting down once certain stages of the divorce have occurred. Therefore, obtaining advice on whether to start the divorce sooner rather than later can also be really helpful.”
4) Gather basic documents
In the early stages of planning your divorce, it is helpful to locate and pull together particular documents to assist in the administrative tasks that come with divorce. Many people set up a specific file for hosting this documentation either physical or digital.
You will need things like your marriage certificate, or a copy of it can be obtained from the government website. It will also support your next steps if you can document the date of your separation – usually when you and your partner agreed the relationship was at an end – as well as the date you started living together if you moved in before you got married.
Other important information includes:
- Your and your ex’s full names
- Addresses of where both spouses are living
- Dates of birth of both parties
- Bank accounts
- Recent payslips
- Pensions
- Debts, including the remaining mortgage on any property
- Details of your children, including birth dates
This is just groundwork to make the next stages, like when you’re applying for a final order, less stressful.
We recognise this can quickly become overwhelming, but you don’t need to have everything ready immediately. You could just focus on one area each week to make it less demanding.
@lifelovelawpodcast Feeling overwhelmed during a divorce or separation is completely natural – in fact, it would be unusual if you didn’t. There’s often a long list of things that suddenly need your attention, and knowing where to start can feel like the hardest part. In this clip, Financial Adviser Jodie Phelps shares her one key piece of advice: take it one week at a time. Set yourself just one task to focus on each week – something small that helps you feel a sense of progress. Those small steps soon add up, and before you know it, you’re moving forward. Click the link in our bio to listen to the full podcast where we discuss those first steps in divorce. #divorce #divorcecommunity #divorcesupport ♬ original sound – Life, Love & The Law Podcast
5) Consider immediate practical issues
You will likely have set routines within your marriage, like bill paying, childcare, work-life flexibility. These will change as you move through divorce, so it is good to understand your own initial goals.
You might want to consider telling people who support you day-to-day, including family members who take on childcare responsibilities, and your line manager at work, as you may need to work flexibly around appointments and responsibilities for your children.
Then ask yourself:
- What is your ideal living situation?
- How will your everyday bills be paid in the interim?
- Do you need to monitor any joint bank accounts or credit cards?
Solicitor’s tip: Remember not to move any money at this stage, as it could be misconstrued at a later point.
When you are ready, you can then apply for a divorce online.
Not sure where to begin? Our divorce experts can help you with the first steps
Setting yourself up for success at the start of your divorce can make the entire process much smoother and seamless. We hope this article has given you the advice and support you need for starting your divorce, however, we understand that knowing where to begin isn’t always easy.
You can download our beginner’s guide to divorce for further insight into the ongoing process of divorce, including a breakdown of the legal process, what child and financial arrangements look like, and where to find external support.
For further support, get in touch with our team who will be happy to help.
Keep reading…
How much does divorce cost in the UK?
How are assets split in a divorce?
Originally written December 2025
