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Divorce and children: it’s possible to get it right

I don’t need to tell you that divorce is a tough process to go through. It is very rarely a smooth transition for everyone involved given how much emotion is invested into a marriage.

When children are involved this becomes even more obvious. Divorce can often make children feel like their entire world is coming apart. “Mummy and Daddy don’t love each other anymore; does that mean they don’t love me? Is this somehow my fault?”

So much has been written about the ill effects of divorce on children. Some studies have claimed children of divorce are more likely to take up smoking. Others claim they are more likely to be fat, or less likely to attend church.

You really don’t have to look very far to find research like that, and it can make for some pretty bleak reading.

That is why I was happy to come across an article on the Huffington Post about children handling a divorce well.

In the article, divorce and parenting coach Rosalind Sedacca said that parents who give their children a lot of love and attention, safeguard their well-being and keep them away from adult conflicts have a much better chance of raising happy, well-adjusted children.

She goes on to list some of the signs that can show that maybe you don’t have to worry so much about the effect of your divorce.

The signs she listed include talking about the future, maintaining healthy friendships, continuing with sports or other activities, and welcoming affection from their parents – basically, all the signs you would hope to see from your child even if you weren’t going through a divorce.

Make no mistake about it; navigating the waters of divorce when you have a child is a challenge. How you deal with them during this difficult transition will have implications for years to come. Just don’t lose hope.

It is possible to go through a divorce and have a perfectly happy, well-adjusted child after it’s done.

If you need any advice, be sure to have a look a brief list of dos and don’ts I compiled last year on helping your children through divorce.

Alternatively, you could read chapter 25 of my book Divorce & Splitting Up: Advice from a top divorce lawyer where I discuss the issue in greater detail. It’s 99p on Kindle, a best seller and all proceeds go to The Children’s Society charity.

The blog team at Stowe is a group of writers based across our family law offices who share their advice on the wellbeing and emotional aspects of divorce or separation from personal experience. As well as pieces from our family law solicitors, guest contributors also regularly contribute to share their knowledge.

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  1. RC says:

    If divorce guaranteed my children to not attend church, I’d leave my wife tomorrow.

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