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Good divorce week 2018: Things have to change

Children|Divorce | 26 Nov 2018 5

Today marks the beginning of “Good Divorce Week”, an awareness-raising campaign by Resolution.

Resolution is a body which represents the majority of specialist family solicitors in this country; it has approximately 6,500 members, all of whom are committed to a Code of Practice which promotes a non-confrontational approach to resolving family problems.

“Good Divorce Week”, at best an awkward phrase, is shorthand for an approach which focuses on how separating or divorcing parents can limit the impact of conflict of family breakdown, both on themselves and their children.

A “good divorce” is, of course, a contradiction in terms.  Any relationship breakdown is, at the very least, difficult and in many cases, it is traumatic, distressing, worrying and terrifying.  Not only are the couple themselves affected, but so are their children.

What is meant by a “good divorce” is managing the breakdown of the relationship in such a way that each party can emerge at the end of the process with as much respect for their former partner, respect for themselves and integrity as possible, while at the same time, limiting the impact of the breakdown on their children.

“Good Divorce Week” is intended to highlight the damage which our current fault-based divorce system causes.

Two-thirds of Resolution’s members have said that the current law makes it harder than it needs to be for separated parents to reach an agreement.

Stowe Family Law is the largest specialist family law firm in the country with 18 offices and over 70 lawyers. We are proud to support this campaign.

We recently undertook our own research which showed that 93% of our solicitors supported a “no fault” divorce system and 91% consider that the current divorce laws did nothing to minimise distress and conflict between divorcing parents.

Currently, there are well over 100,000 divorces in England and Wales every year, 200,000 people, equivalent to the population of some of our bigger towns and cities.

To obtain a divorce in this country now, unless a couple have been separated already for 2 years and they both agree that there should be a divorce, or they have been separated for 5 years or more, they can only obtain a divorce by one blaming the other.  This they can do by alleging adultery on the part of the other person or suggesting that they have “behaved unreasonably”.

It is no surprise therefore that the majority of divorces, over 60%, are based upon either adultery or behaviour.

Divorce is always difficult, for many people it can be the worst time in their lives.  Having to show fault or blame only increases conflict between the couple, makes it more difficult to reach any form of agreement, whether about the children or about the finances, and has a significant impact upon the children.

This “blame game” does no-one any good.

Members of Resolution and family lawyers generally, Barristers and Judges, have been campaigning for many years for successive governments to change the law so that “blame” is no longer required and is replaced by a “no-fault” system of divorce.

Eventually, earlier this year, the government, at last, accepted that reform was needed, announced a consultation of divorce law reform which closes on 10 December 2018.  What’s going to happen after that is anyone’s guess.

What is abundantly clear is that urgent reform is needed.

It is not only family lawyers that are pressing for reform.  71% of the population agree that no-fault divorce is urgently needed.

Once the deadline for the government’s consultation has passed, the government and politicians need to recognise that they need to act and act quickly to protect those whose relationships have broken down and to protect their children.

The divorce rate in this country is worryingly high.  42% of marriages will result in divorce.  This is an acute social and legal problem which cannot be ignored any longer.


22 November 2018


Graham was based at the firm's London family law office. His career as a family law specialist has spanned three decades. He is an experienced advocate, mediator and arbitrator who has worked in all areas of family law.

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    1. JamesB says:

      I undertook my own survey and 100% of the (large sample) divorced men I asked said the divorce legal system is unfair to men with regards to finances, contact, capital and income.

      Support prenups and I would support you, it seems to me you are arguing for more of the same ‘reforms’ which got us to here, i.e. feminism.

      It seems to me you need to realize that on the whole the establishment is not very representative of what the public think and feel, they seem to be more responsive to lobbyists, especially feminist ones, which is what has caused the problem.

      • Patricia Antwis says:

        Have you thought about how this change in divorce law could effect women like me. I gave up my career in my early 30’s to be mum and housewife , my soon to be ex wanted to build his business . He controlled me financially throughout our marriage. I am now faced with no pention, no savings and homelessness. He has hid money overseas and constantly lied . His partner is 32 and he is 60 . Our children are my support , but the little I have I will have I will have to share with him which will see me facing hardship . Our children were privately educated , we had a good standard of living but all those years I did not know he paid no tax. He has offered to pay £1,000 a year child maintenance for his youngest son who is 17 and in his first year of Alevels , he says he can afford no more. He has enormous debts he wants paying from the sale of the house , it seems there is no help or justice for women like me

    2. Nigel Antwis says:

      Comment from soon to be EX: you received £20,000 income per month from the business I built out of nothing. The business has sold for one million pounds. I gave you 60% of the business and walked out of the marriage with nothing, leaving you with £200,000 in your bank accounts. Don’t be fooled by this “Lady”

    3. Trisha says:

      I was payed the dividend from June 2015 to November 2017 paying full tax to HMRC £180,000 , £87, 000 to **** which he spent on top of his salary on himself and his girlfriend . I payed all bills, Morgage etc . I discovered his affair and my dividend stopped 7 months after.
      This level of income was what my ex received throughout our 31 years of marriage he hid this from me and HMRC . He gave me a few hundred pounds a month housekeeping always promising me one day we would be able to plan and save , all the time he was receiving such a high income.
      The company sold against my will and I have not been payed its promised instalments .

      • Nigel says:

        In one breath you state that I only gave you a few hundred pounds a month – in the next you say that you paid all the bills, including a mortgage – make your mind up! While you are doing that just remember who worked like crazy for 30 years to give you the lifestyle that you have had and continue to enjoy.

        In the divorce settlement the Judge gave you our Cliff-top House, the business that I built up from nothing in which you were to receive over one million pounds (if you mismanaged the payout and dividends then it’s your fault as I resigned from the company prior the sale as you were always hampering decisions through one of your three teams of lawyers). He also gave you all the savings which I had put in bank accounts just in your name, that stood at £200,000 when I walked out with nothing. The Judge in his infinite wisdom, gave me close to £400,000 of Joint debt that should have been paid out of the surplus funds. Bless him, he even awarded £40,000 of the Final Hearing Legal costs against me that tipped me over the financial edge.

        Thanks for that Judge – but I suppose you knew the case well, as after all – you were a Partner and Head of the Family Law department at the Solicitors during the time that my Ex wife instructed your firm – shame that was not divulged at the time. “….. a dessert best served cold” comes to mind.

        I am very happy and content now that I have remarried to a fantastic lady. It is said that you can’t put a price on happiness. Well the price for me was in the 7 figures and I feel that I got a bargain as I now have the support to build a great life ……. and no Bickering!!! That feels so good.

        My advice to you dear Ex is to to do what I’ve done – get a life and it would help if could stop moaning all the time and you may find happiness also……..which is the whole point of getting divorced.

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