The festive period is around the corner, and with it often comes more socialising, time spent with work colleagues and family friends, and more merriment around food and drink. Whilst it’s often called the season of joy, for some couples it can be a testing time.
Instances of cheating and affairs increase during the Christmas weeks. Various surveys conducted in recent years reflect significant numbers of people admitting to cheating whilst at the work Christmas do. A survey conducted by illicitencounters in 2018 revealed a third of people have cheated on a partner at Christmas, with the work Christmas party being the place the affair is most likely to start.
There are several reasons experts give for the rise in infidelity over Christmas:
- More time in the office and at work gatherings
- Alcohol clouding judgement
- Desire for a short term fling (‘cuffing season’)
- The cold and dark weather in winter brings our moods down, making us question our long term partners
Remember, this is not always the case, and Christmas can be a really romantic time for many couples!
What counts as ‘cheating’?
Cheating is when someone who is in a committed relationship (i.e. a marriage, civil partnership) has a physical, sexual, or emotionally romantic relationship with another person who is not their partner. Infidelity can often, although not always, lead to the breakdown of a relationship.
But it doesn’t necessarily have to be physical.
Micro cheating is hugely common, and often goes unnoticed as it does not involve outward displays. It is less clear cut than physical and sexual cheating, and different people will define it differently.
Micro cheating is small breaches of trust in a relationship, like developing romantic feelings towards someone who is not your spouse or partner. It might be light flirting at the office Christmas party, or messaging someone regularly and hiding it from your partner. Other things like taking off a wedding ring in the office and actively omitting the existence of a partner can also be considered micro cheating.
Micro cheating could impact your relationship in much the same ways as a physical affair can.
Does an affair mean the end of my relationship?
Whether an affair leads to a break up really depends on the couple and if the individuals believe they have something worth saving. If you’ve been cheated on, you will need lots of time to rebuild your trust in your partner, and for some people this isn’t something they can do. Some feel that they can, and go on to have very happy and healthy relationships.
Like cheating generally, micro cheating doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. Some couples can move forward, rebuild trust, and start afresh. In fact, Christmas can be a great time to set new goals as a couple as you look ahead to the new year.
Sadly, some couples struggle to do this, and the affair means they break up. It can be that the little acts of micro cheating have a larger impact than a one-off physical affair.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5DUkq6JyqehgYAMrO6cZvG
Does adultery affect my divorce settlement?
Ultimately, the answer is no, adultery itself will not affect your divorce settlement. If you and your spouse decide to separate based on either of you having an affair, this will not be considered in the divorce process and cannot be used to seek more money from the cheating partner, or more time with children, unless there are safeguarding issues.
If your relationship has suffered because of an affair, it is natural to feel upset, overwhelmed, and likely very angry. You may feel the need to use the divorce process to direct some of this anger. However, the implementation of no fault divorce in 2022 means that the only legal reason for divorce now is ‘the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage’.
It is important to remember that although your financial disclosure will ask about behaviour, this refers to serious financial behaviour or crimes, such as hiding assets, tax evasion or fraud. It is not an opportunity to blame the divorce on your ex’s affair, as this is not relevant to the practicalities of divorce.
Could micro cheating affect my divorce?
Although micro cheating, and adultery generally, does not legally have an effect on divorce, there can be two ways in which your divorce could be impacted. The first is if you or your ex has moved in with a new partner. If this is the case, their money and assets will likely be considered in financial negotiations.
Secondly, child arrangements can be affected by new partners. There may need to be rules in place around meeting and spending time with new partners as part of your parenting plan, or even a court ordered child arrangements order.
If you are going through separation or divorce, it’s important to seek legal and financial advice to understand how a new relationship might affect the process.
Conclusion
Christmas, and the surrounding festive period, is for many, a romantic time of year. However, when this is directed to someone who is not your partner, issues can arise. Being conscious of yourself, your relationship and the effects of the season can help mitigate risks.
If you find yourself in the situation where your relationship has ended because of an affair, or the culmination of micro cheating, an expert family lawyer can guide you through the legal process of divorce. You can also contact one of our partner divorce coaches, who will be able to support you emotionally through your breakup.
Useful Links
Digital cheating – how social media is redefining infidelity
