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What is post-separation abuse?
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Post-separation abuse is behaviour that continues or begins once a relationship has ended. It includes stalking, harassment, coercive behaviour, economic abuse, tech abuse, threats, physical, or sexual violence. Our domestic abuse solicitors can help you understand the legal protection available.
Can post-separation abuse be a crime?
Post-separation abuse is not a single criminal offence, but particular behaviour may amount to offences such as controlling or coercive behaviour, stalking, harassment, assault, or criminal damage.
Controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship became a criminal offence under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. From April 2023, the law was extended so that it can apply to former partners even where they no longer live together.
To amount to the section 76 offence, the behaviour must meet the relevant legal test, including being repeated or continuous and having a serious effect on the victim. The maximum sentence is five years’ imprisonment.
If you believe a crime has been committed, you can report it to the police. A family solicitor can advise separately on civil protection through the family court.
Amy Langford, Team Leader Partner at our family law office in Southampton, says:
“Post separation abuse can have a lasting impact on a person’s life. Some clients may not even recognise the signs as they may feel once they have left the relationship how can someone still be abusive?
“We can not only help you with the legal process we can listen to your concerns, help you understand and recognise the wider context of the abuse and support you in ensuring your safety, confidence and control over your lives.”
What are the signs of post-separation abuse?
Post-separation abuse can take many forms. It may involve emotional abuse, controlling or coercive behaviour, economic abuse, physical or sexual violence, stalking, harassment or technology-facilitated abuse.
Physical or sexual violence may continue or begin after separation. Stalking and harassment are separate patterns of behaviour and can include following, monitoring, repeated unwanted contact, or turning up at places you regularly visit. Some signs to look out for include:
- Technology-facilitated abuse: Harassment by text, email, or calls, attempts to access your accounts, or the use of stalkerware to monitor your movements
- Stalking and harassment: Unwanted contact, turning up uninvited, or watching or following you
- Economic abuse: Deliberately withholding or manipulating child-maintenance payments as part of a wider pattern of control, running up debts in your name, interfering with your employment, or restricting your access to money
- Abuse through children or legal proceedings: Using child-contact arrangements to maintain control, threatening to remove the children, pressuring or manipulating children, using handovers to harass you, making repeated or unnecessary applications, or sending excessive legal correspondence as part of a pattern of intimidation
- Attempts to isolate you: Contacting or intimidating friends and family, spreading false information about you, disrupting your access to services, or monitoring who you speak to
- Coercive control: Patterns of threats, intimidation, or manipulation designed to limit your independence
- Other behaviour used as part of a pattern of control: Spreading false information about you, invading your privacy, intimidating or threatening you, deliberately missing hearings, ignoring orders, or repeatedly creating procedural delay
Post-separation abuse can manifest in many different ways, and if something feels wrong, it’s worth trusting that instinct.
Understanding and managing post-separation abuse
What are the effects of post-separation abuse?
Post-separation abuse can affect a survivor’s physical health, mental health, finances, housing, employment, and relationships. Although every person’s experience is different, some effects can include:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Trauma symptoms
- Loss of confidence
- Difficulty feeling safe
Children may be directly affected even where the abuse is aimed primarily at a parent. Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, a child who sees, hears or experiences the effects of domestic abuse, and who is related to the victim or perpetrator, is recognised as a victim in their own right.
How do I get evidence of post-separation abuse?
You do not need to gather every piece of evidence before reporting abuse or seeking legal advice – your safety comes first. Where it is safe to do so, keeping a record can help the police, a solicitor, or the court understand the pattern, frequency, and impact of the behaviour.
Avoid storing evidence somewhere the other person can access. If you believe a phone, computer, or online account is being monitored, use a safe device or account to seek specialist advice before making any changes that might alert them.
- Keep screenshots or copies of abusive messages, emails, and social media posts
- Record dates, times, locations, witnesses, and the effect of each incident
- Photograph injuries or damage where it is safe to do so, and seek medical assistance where needed
- Retain bank statements, credit reports, bills, or correspondence that shows economic abuse
- Keep police incident numbers and copies of any records or correspondence you already hold from healthcare or support professionals
- Retain relevant court applications, orders, and legal correspondence where legal proceedings are being used as part of the abuse
- For child-contact issues, record the pattern and context of behaviour rather than treating every missed arrangement as evidence of abuse in isolation
A family lawyer can help you understand what evidence will be most useful for your situation, including applications for protective orders. If you’re unsure where to begin, our team are here to help – reach out to us today.
What are the effects of post-separation abuse?
There are huge emotional impacts of post-separation abuse. It can be extremely draining, cause a loss of hope and a real sense of isolation as it feels like nobody else understands. Some victims may have suicidal thoughts.
Financial impact – the abuser may unnecessarily drag the victim to court, purposefully rack up solicitors bills and court fees. They may withhold money, for example child maintenance. You might be left with the debts from the relationship.
Unfortunately, post-separation abuse can be long-term. Finalising a divorce does not usually mean the end of the abuse, particularly if the couple share children.
The abuser will want to maintain a sense of power and control over the victim which can be achieved through many methods, most obviously finances and children.
In most circumstances, it is unlikely that the abuse will stop. However, there are ways in which the survivor can manage the situation and techniques to remove themselves from direct abuse.
How can I deal with post-separation abuse?
Over time, post-separation abuse can get easier. For example, if your ex-partner starts a new relationship that takes their focus in a new direction. As children get older, abuse can lessen as the children start to manage themselves and become less of a vehicle for the perpetrator to abuse.
- Technology: get a new email address and change your number. This means that the abuser cannot access you except by the means you allow them to.
- Know your boundaries and set them
- Avoiding being alone with your ex-partner as much as you can
- Shift focus towards rebuilding your life
- Utilise your support network of friends and family that you can trust
- Get to know and understand your legal rights as an abuse survivor, for example you may be entitled to legal aid from the Government
- Seek professional support e.g. from a trained counsellor, a divorce coach, legal support or support from financial advisers (listen to our podcast on dealing with economic abuse).
- Stowe’s Divorce Directory has a number of associated professionals who can help with nuanced matters that arise in divorce and separation.
What legal protection is available?
If you’re experiencing post-separation abuse, there are several legal routes designed to protect you and your children.
What legal protection is available?
If you’re experiencing post-separation abuse, there are several legal routes designed to protect you and your children.
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Non-molestation orders
A non-molestation order can protect you or a child from abuse or harassment. Depending on the circumstances, it may prohibit the other person from contacting you, threatening or using violence, or approaching specified places such as your home. Breaching a non-molestation order without reasonable excuse is a criminal offence.
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Occupation orders
An occupation order can determine who may live in the family home or enter the home and surrounding area. It may be relevant where the abuse concerns access to or occupation of a shared property, and can offer an important layer of protection when leaving or staying puts you or your children at risk.
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Stalking Protection Orders
Where stalking is involved, you can report the behaviour to the police and ask them to consider whether a Stalking Protection Order may be appropriate. These orders are applied for by the police rather than directly by the victim, and a prior stalking conviction is not required.
Can the court restrict repeated applications?
Repeated applications concerning children can, in some cases, form part of a pattern of post-separation abuse – used to maintain contact, prolong conflict, or cause ongoing distress. Where this is happening, it’s worth knowing that the family court has specific powers to address it.
The court can make an order under section 91(14) of the Children Act 1989, which requires a person to obtain the court’s permission before making specified further applications. This may be considered where another application would place the child or another person at risk of harm. Section 91A expressly includes circumstances where a further application would place the child or another individual at risk of harm.
Practice Direction 12Q also makes clear that these orders can address future applications forming part of coercive control, harassment or other domestic abuse. They are a protective filter requiring permission, rather than an absolute bar on future applications. The court may make such an order on the application of a party or on its own initiative, and whether it is appropriate will depend on the history and circumstances of the case.
How can I deal with post-separation abuse?
It’s difficult to take that first step, but speaking to a specialist family lawyer can help you understand your options, whether that’s applying for a protective order, addressing economic abuse within financial proceedings, or managing repeated or vexatious court applications from an ex-partner.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Our experts can advise you on the right legal steps for your circumstances, while also pointing you toward emotional and practical support. Get in contact with us to find out more information, tailored to your circumstances.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 999 and ask for the police. You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or visit: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
What our clients say
Elaine Morrison
Mar 2024
Please pass on my sincere gratitude to Elaine for her time. The generosity, sensitivity and professionalism shown to me today by her might be expected from legal professional towards abuse victims, but trust me when I say, from the bitter experience, it is scarce.
—Anon
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Mark Christie
Feb 2019
Can I just add that leaving you today I have felt the best I have in months, I felt safer and reassured, a huge, terrifying load fell from my shoulders. My family has had too much to do to support me through this and I’ve felt some guilt, as they too suffer my ex's abuse, although hugely appreciative of their massive help, I’m relieved the burden can be lightened, thank you so very much.
—Mrs C
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Shanika Varga
Sep 2018
Throughout my whole legal process Shanika Varga-Haynes has been brilliant and professional. She has always taken care of matters quickly and translated all legal terms into "normal" language for me. I have been impressed to see how Shanika has managed to handle my husband, who fought the process at every step. She dealt with my domestic violence and divorce matters with confidence and drive to move things forward. I have been lucky to have her on my side, which meant that I had a happy ending. I cannot thank her enough and would highly recommend her.
—Mrs M
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