Married At First Sight UK recently exploded back onto our screens for its much-anticipated 10th series. The concept is captivating; matchmakers and relationship experts pair up couples based on their ‘on-paper’ compatibility – but as we know, this doesn’t always end in happily ever after.
Each week, viewers of the show are hooked on the drama and unpredictability that unfolds, but we’re also continuously fascinated by the nuances of compatibility.
We spoke to Relationship Expert Nichole Farrow, along with Stowe lawyers Shanika Haynes and Zanariah Webster to discover what really makes relationships work and what happens when compatibility and chemistry don’t quite align.
What is compatibility in relationships?
Compatibility is how well two people fit together across different areas of life. Sometimes couples can fall into the trap of putting too much emphasis on ‘less important’ things like having the same hobbies or enjoying the same types of food.
Relationship Expert Nichole Farrow explains:
“Compatibility is about having enough in synergy between you, that you are ultimately on the same page about your values, purpose and meaning. That doesn’t mean you have to like all the same things. It doesn’t matter if someone likes red wine & walks on the beach – knowing whether they value family or adventure, freedom or security, is far more important.”
How important is compatibility?
Compatibility is hugely important and a key foundation for any healthy relationship. It isn’t just about getting along in everyday life – it’s about being aligned on the big, life-defining decisions.
Team Leader Partner in our Leeds office Shanika Haynes adds:
“So often we see clients who knew that they were on a different page to their partner with regards to having children, or the importance of an ongoing career or even political/religious beliefs, but those signs were ignored.”
Without this alignment, even strong chemistry can’t prevent misunderstandings or long-term frustration. That’s why it’s so important not to confuse compatibility with ‘the spark’.
What is ‘the spark’?
We hear about it so often in books, films, tv shows and even in everyday conversation with our friends, that it’s no wonder we place so much power on having the all-important ‘spark’.
Essentially the spark is chemistry. It’s an all-consuming feeling of attraction and excitement about your partner in the very early stages of a new relationship, often referred to as the ‘honeymoon period’. It feels electric.
Can ‘the spark’ lead to a long-lasting relationship?
The short answer is no, not on its own.
Nichole says:
“The reality is there are many seasons in a relationship and when you are knee deep in life – work, kids, external pressure, the spark is the first thing to go. What keeps you together and what is more important long term is shared values.”
The spark might be essential at the beginning of your relationship, but the key is to dig deeper and understand what truly matters to each of you.
London-based Senior Associate Zanariah Webster has seen the breakdown of many marriages and echoes Nichole’s thoughts:
“After the initial spark of meeting somebody new and once the excitement of the honeymoon period is over, some couples find that they have very little in common and do not have the same values.”
What kinds of shared behaviours suggest long-term compatibility?
Marriage and relationships are one big rollercoaster, ups, downs and disagreements are inevitable. Nichole Farrow highlights key shared behaviours that she believes matter the most:
- Self-reflection and taking responsibility
- Willingness to grow and evolve
- Vulnerability and honesty
- Open and empathetic communication
“There is brilliant research by the Gottmans institute that can predict with 98% accuracy couples who will divorce. It all comes down to those couples who turn towards – show appreciation, fondness and affection and those that don’t.”
Is there a secret to a long-lasting relationship?
We all know those couples who have been together for years, defying all the odds, and you’re just dying to ask, “what’s your secret?”.
Nichole believes that friendship is absolutely fundamental to a long-lasting relationship:
“Without it there is no admiration, respect or appreciation. You wouldn’t choose to be friends with someone you don’t get along with. It is the same with relationships.”
There’s no denying that relationships are hard work, no matter who you are. Accepting help sometimes should never be seen as a failure. Shanika adds:
“Marriage takes ongoing work and effort from both involved – there is no shame in taking professional advice and regularly seeing a therapist/counsellor.”
Final thoughts
Ultimately, relationships are a delicate balance of spark, shared values, and ongoing effort. Chemistry might get you through the first few months, but it’s compatibility, shared behaviours, and mutual respect that determine whether a relationship stands the test of time.
As our experts highlight, understanding what truly matters, maintaining open communication, and nurturing friendship are the cornerstones of lasting love. While no relationship is without its challenges, being mindful of these foundations can make all the difference between a fleeting romance and a lifelong partnership.
About Nichole
With over seven years as a relationship and family coach and 12 years in the corporate world, Nichole Farrow brings a unique perspective to personal and professional relationships. Trained in NLP and Human Needs Psychology, she specialises in helping parents and couples navigate challenges such as divorce, co-parenting, remarriage, and blended families, including high-net-worth cases.
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