Divorce in later life, often referred to as grey divorce, is on the rise and women are increasingly the ones initiating the split. Divorce coach Kate Nestor explores what’s driving divorce over 50 and the emotional, financial and family challenges many people underestimate before separating later in life.
Grey divorce is no longer unusual. As a divorce coach, I work with many people navigating separation over the age of 50, and what I see time and again is that this stage of life brings a very different set of emotional, financial and family challenges from those faced earlier on.
Understanding what makes grey divorce different and why it is becoming more common can help people make more informed decisions and avoid mistakes that are difficult to undo later.
What is grey divorce?
Grey divorce refers to the breakdown of a marriage involving couples aged 50 and over. It often follows long relationships, frequently 20, 30 or even 40 years, and tends to happen at a point when children are grown, careers are established, and retirement is approaching or already underway.
This is not about having a short-term wobble or a sudden change of heart. For many people, it reflects a deeper reassessment of life, identity and how they want the years ahead to look.
What’s the difference between a grey divorce and a divorce earlier in life?
While the legal process is the same, grey divorce is very different emotionally and practically.
Earlier-life divorces often revolve around the immediate demands of raising children, securing housing, and managing day-to-day income. Later-life divorce, by contrast, is more likely to centre on long-term financial security, pensions and retirement planning, shifts in identity after decades in one role, and the emotional impact on adult children.
There is also far less time to recover, financially or emotionally, which means decisions made during a grey divorce tend to carry greater weight.
What is the main reason for grey divorce?
In my experience, the main driver is a reassessment of the future. People in their 50s and 60s often realise they could be living for another 20 or 30 years. That realisation can prompt difficult but honest questions: Is this how I want the rest of my life to look? For some, the answer is no.
Grey divorce is rarely impulsive. More often, it is the result of long-standing emotional distance, unmet needs, or a gradual sense of having outgrown the relationship rather than a single defining event.
Why are grey divorces on the rise?
There are several well-established reasons why grey divorce is becoming more common. People are living longer, divorce carries far less stigma than it once did, and expectations of marriage have shifted towards emotional fulfilment rather than endurance alone. Financial independence has also increased, particularly among women.
In our own casework at Stowe, divorces involving people over 50 have been rising steadily since 2020, growing by an average of around seven per cent year on year, with a noticeable acceleration of 16 per cent growth in the past year alone. We have also seen a clear shift in who initiates these divorces. Among the over-50s, women are now more likely than men to take the first step, a pattern often described as the walkaway wife phenomenon.
What are the main challenges of a grey divorce?
Grey divorce tends to bring three overlapping challenges: emotional, financial and family-related.
Emotionally, people may experience grief, loss of identity, loneliness or fear about starting again. Financially, the focus shifts to pensions, property and long-term security rather than rebuilding income. From a family perspective, there is often a significant impact on adult children and wider family dynamics, even if that impact is not immediately visible.
Do you need a specialist lawyer for a grey divorce?
You do not necessarily need a lawyer who works exclusively in grey divorce, but it is important to work with someone who understands the particular issues that arise later in life.
Grey divorce frequently involves complex pension arrangements, long-held assets, or multiple properties, as well as considerations around inheritance and estate planning. A lawyer without experience in these areas may focus on achieving a quick settlement rather than considering the long-term consequences. At this stage of life, those consequences matter far more.
How does grey divorce affect adult children?
One of the most overlooked aspects of grey divorce is its impact on adult children. There is a common assumption that because children are grown, they will cope easily. In reality, later-life divorce can destabilise their sense of family security and trigger grief, anxiety or resentment, particularly if they are drawn into conflict or emotional oversharing.
Adult children may struggle with the loss of the family home, navigating split holidays and milestones, or feeling torn between parents. Simply checking in on how they are coping, rather than assuming resilience, can make a significant difference.
Read six tips for children of grey divorce.
How does grey divorce affect finances?
Financially, grey divorce carries greater risk. There is less time to rebuild pensions, less margin for error in settlements, and often a greater reliance on retirement income.
Pensions are frequently misunderstood or undervalued, despite often being the most significant asset in later life. Poor planning at this stage can lead to long-term financial insecurity, anxiety and regret. Taking the time to understand the full financial picture is essential.
What are the best financial planning services for grey divorce in the UK?
Most people benefit from working with an independent financial adviser with experience in divorce and later-life planning. The right adviser can help with pension sharing, long-term cashflow planning and understanding what a settlement really means for life after divorce.
Financial planner Lottie Kent shared her advice on how to manage your money before, during and after divorce on our podcast. You can listen below.
How do you access pension information as part of a grey divorce?
Accessing pension information usually involves requesting Cash Equivalent Transfer Values from pension providers and working closely with solicitors and financial advisers to assess options. In higher-value cases, where there is a significant disparity between pensions or where public sector schemes are involved, an actuary may be instructed to prepare a specialist report.
Because pensions can be complex, professional guidance is particularly important. Assumptions at this stage can be costly.
For further insight, we recorded a podcast with specialist financial planner and money coach Cery Griffiths, discussing pensions in divorce. You can listen below
Are there UK support groups or counselling for grey divorce?
Yes, and for many people, they are invaluable. Grey divorce is not just a legal process. It is a major life transition. Divorce coaching, individual counselling, later-life relationship therapy and peer support groups can all help people feel less alone and more grounded as they navigate change. They can help people manage the emotional impact of divorce, think more clearly about decision-making, and feel better equipped to move forward.
At Stowe, divorce coaching is available alongside legal advice through our partner network of coaches for those who want additional emotional and practical support during separation.
Final thoughts
Grey divorce is not simply about ending a marriage. It is about reshaping the years ahead, emotionally, financially and relationally.
Handled thoughtfully, it can lead to clarity, stability and even growth. Handled poorly, it can leave lasting uncertainty. Understanding that later-life divorce requires a different approach, one that looks beyond the paperwork and focuses on life after separation, is key.
Find out more about the work Kate does supporting people before, during or after divorce.
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