It can be very difficult to spot the signs of a narcissist, and many victims of narcissistic abuse are in relationships for months and even years before they understand the psychological impact of their partner’s behaviour.
To support with education around this complex topic, we’ve put together resources from our specialist domestic abuse lawyers and professionals we work closely with, such as the UK’s best-known expert in narcissism, Dr Supriya McKenna.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is often used as a buzzword to describe someone who is self-obsessed or vain. But real narcissism is the result of a diagnosable personality disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). A narcissist will not know that they have NPD, it is simply the way their brain is wired. This is, at its root, a condition of low empathy, and narcissists cannot step into another person’s shoes. They have a sense of entitlement and usually use other people for their own gain.
- They have an addiction to feeling special
- Low empathy
- Sense of entitlement
There are different types of narcissists, and it can be difficult to identify them as they may take elements from various personas.
- The Exhibitionist Narcissist
- The Devaluing Narcissist
- The Communal Narcissist
- The Closet/Covert Narcissist
What are the signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist?
Spotting a narcissist can be difficult, especially if they are a covert narcissist (also known as the closet narcissist).
In this podcast episode, Dr Supriya McKenna explains how to know if you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
Divorcing or separating from a narcissist
Leaving a narcissist and going through the divorce process can be a stressful, difficult and often long process. But it is possible. With the right support, you will be able to get through it. It’s important that you have a specialist domestic abuse lawyer who understands the complexities of narcissism, and it may help to also have a divorce coach who has expertise in the field as well.
Resources to support with leaving a narcissist
How to prepare to leave a narcissist Part 1
How to prepare to leave a narcissist Part 2
Separating from or divorcing a narcissist webinar
How to divorce a narcissist podcast
What is post-separation abuse like with a narcissist?
Narcissists will often continue, or ramp up, abuse after separation, known as post-separation abuse. They can use your children as a vehicle for abuse, elongate the court proceedings, stonewall you, or use coercive control to force you to return to the relationship.
This can be dealt with, with the right support.
Parenting with a narcissist after divorce or separation
Is it possible to co-parent with a narcissist? Sadly, no. It is not possible to co-parent, instead the best method is to parallel parent. The below resources explain how to manage parenting after divorce or separation.
Parenting alongside a narcissist
How to parent alongside a difficult ex-partner
Navigating parenting with a toxic ex
Can you ever heal after narcissistic abuse?
The short answer is yes, absolutely you can rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse. It will take work, and you will need a solid support network, including trusted friends and family who understand your experience, as well as professional advice to help you cope when leaving a narcissist.
If you are in immediate danger of domestic abuse, please call the police on 999 or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247
