In this article, Stowe Partner Joanna Newton and Divorce Coach Kate Nestor come together to share their emotional, practical and legal advice for grandparents who can’t see their grandchildren at Christmas. Drawing on both therapeutic experience and family law expertise, they offer guidance to help you cope with the heartache, understand your options, and navigate what can be a very difficult time.
For many grandparents, it’s the moments with their grandchildren that matter most at Christmas. Their energy, curiosity, and excitement can transform the season and bring the wider family together. So when a family fallout after a separation or divorce suddenly takes those moments away, the loss can feel overwhelming. It isn’t just missing a celebration; it’s a form of grief, with all the emotions and stages that come with it.
If this is your lived experience, you are not alone. In fact, a survey by the organisation Resolution found that 15% of grandparents reported being prevented from seeing their grandchildren. That’s an estimated 2 million people nationwide.
Why is Christmas so tough for estranged grandparents?
Being estranged from your grandchildren is tough all year, but something about Christmas makes it particularly painful. The rituals, stories, and shared memories all come flooding back. Wondering what they’ve been told, whether they miss you, or where they are at Christmas. For many grandparents, as the world seems to come together, it shines a spotlight on the gap in their lives, and the contrast magnifies the loneliness.
What can I do if I can’t see my grandchildren this Christmas?
When you’re shut out of family life, especially at Christmas, it’s easy to feel powerless. But focusing on the things you can control can make the situation feel a little less overwhelming. While you may not be able to change what has happened, you can take steps to support your well-being, build connection, and keep the door open to future reconnection.
These suggestions won’t take away the pain, but they can help you steady yourself during a difficult time and make room for things to improve as emotions settle.
Connect where you can
If it’s safe and appropriate, a simple text or message wishing the family a calm, happy Christmas can go a long way. No pressure, no demands – just a gentle reminder that you’re still there. Even if there’s no reply, it keeps the door open.
Send a card or gift (if it feels right)
If it feels right, sending a thoughtful card or small gift can let your grandchildren know they’re still on your mind. It doesn’t need to be expensive – something chosen carefully can mean far more. If tensions are high, seek advice first, so your gesture isn’t misinterpreted.
Get support
Lean on the people who care about you. Talking things through with friends or family can help ease the sense of isolation. Charities such as Family Lives and Kinship also offer dedicated support for grandparents experiencing estrangement.
Take care of yourself
If the festive season is going to be difficult, shape it in a way that feels more manageable. Look at your diary and plan a few small moments that are just for you – a walk, a meal out, a catch-up with a friend. Christmas may look different this year, but prioritising your wellbeing can make it easier to get through.
Don’t give up
Family fallouts after divorce often soften with time. Emotions cool, circumstances shift, and families do sometimes find their way back to each other. Keep showing warmth where you can, but don’t push too hard. Staying consistent, kind and steady in the background may help make reconnection possible later on.
What legal rights do grandparents have to see their grandchildren?
Grandparents do not have automatic legal rights to see their grandchildren in England and Wales, but the law does recognise the important role they often play in a child’s life. If you’ve lost contact following a separation or family fallout, there are steps you can take to try to rebuild that connection with younger children.
In most cases, the first step is mediation. The courts expect families to try to resolve issues informally before making an application. Mediation can provide a safe, neutral space to start rebuilding communication and to explore whether an agreement about contact can be reached without going to court.
If mediation isn’t possible or breaks down, you can apply to the family court for permission to apply for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO). This may sound daunting, but it’s a common step for grandparents and the court will usually grant permission unless there are clear reasons not to, for example, concerns about the child’s safety or well-being. If permission is granted, the court will then consider a full application for a CAO.
Throughout the process, the court’s primary focus is the welfare of the child. Judges will look at your existing relationship with your grandchildren, the reasons contact has stopped, and whether renewed contact would support the child’s emotional and developmental needs. Many grandparents do succeed in securing regular, meaningful contact through the courts, particularly where they have played an active and positive role in the child’s life.
If you are considering this route, getting early legal advice can help you understand what to expect and how best to prepare. Court applications can take time and often require patience, planning and clear evidence, so it’s important to think through whether it’s the right step for you and your family. Speaking to a specialist solicitor early on can give you a realistic picture of the process and help you approach it with confidence.
When contact stops for safety reasons
It’s important to recognise that, in some families, contact is limited because of safeguarding concerns. A parent may feel they need to protect a child from past behaviour, emotional harm or situations that they believe aren’t safe. While this can be incredibly painful for grandparents, these concerns have to be taken seriously.
If there’s any chance this applies to your situation, getting early legal advice is crucial. A specialist family solicitor can help you understand what the court will consider, what information may be needed, and how to approach the process in a way that is open, sensitive and focused on the child’s wellbeing. Even in difficult circumstances, clear guidance can help you navigate the next steps with confidence and transparency.
Moving forward: Christmas may be hard, but it isn’t the end of the story
Being apart from your grandchildren at Christmas can be deeply painful. But remember, this may not be the final chapter. With time, support and calmer conversations, families often rediscover the space to talk, repair and reconnect.
How to find a family law solicitor specialising in grandparents’ rights
If you’re facing the reality of lost contact, getting advice from a family law solicitor who understands grandparents’ rights can make a real difference. A specialist at Stowe can talk you through your options, explain the legal routes available, and help you take steps to protect and rebuild your relationship with your grandchildren.
You don’t have to navigate this alone, and the right support can give you clarity and confidence at a time that feels incredibly uncertain.
