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The value of children’s wishes and feelings in court proceedings

When parents cannot agree on whether their children should live with their mother or their father or how often and in what way they should spend time with the other parent, Cafcass (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) often becomes involved, preparing a report to assist and advise the Court. As part of that report, they will often, in some way, speak to or work with the children to ascertain their feelings about the situation.

This process is met by different reactions from parents but the responses usually this fall into one of three categories:

  1. The parent is keen for their child to be spoken to and for their opinion to be heard;
  2. The parent is concerned about involving the child or what they might say and does not want this to happen;
  3. The parent believes the child is too young to make decisions about what should happen.

There are now plans in place for children to be more involved in the court process and for their views to be heard. This follows an announcement in July 2014 by Simon Hughes MP, the Minister of State for Justice and Civil Liberties, stating that children over the age of 10 may be able to speak to the Judge and visit courtrooms themselves, albeit not during the actual hearings.  As many parents who are dealing with a difficult separation often let their feelings towards the other parent dictate their views on what arrangements should be made for their children, in my view it is almost always useful for those child to become involved in the decision making process to some extent.  Clearly, the value of such participation will vary depending on the particular circumstances and the age of the child.

An important point to make clear though is that the decision will never entirely be in the hands of the child.  Their wishes and feelings will be taken into account, but unless they are aged around 15 or older (in which case the Court may feel there is no need to make an order at all), decisions as to what arrangements should be in place are for the Court to make if the parents are unable to agree.  Therefore parents should be under no misconception that their 10 year old will be deciding which parent they should live with.  Although the child’s views are important, the law recognises that many other factors are relevant when making such a decision.

When reaching its conclusions, the court must consider the so-called ‘welfare checklist’ which highlights the important aspects of the case that must be taken into account:

(a)  The ascertainable wishes and feelings with the child concerned, considered in the light of his age and understanding;

(b)  His physical, emotional and educational needs;

(c)  The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;

(d) His age, sex, background and any characteristics of his which the Court considers relevant;

(e) Any harm which he has suffered or which he is at risk of suffering;

(f)  How capable each parent (or other relevant person) is of meeting his needs.

Each and every one of these factors must be considered by the Court and so the wishes and feelings of the child alone will not dictate the outcome of an application.

Cafcass must also consider the welfare checklist when preparing their reports.

Cafcass officers are highly trained in knowing the best way to speak to a child.  Parent should not be concerned about children being put under pressure to give an answer or make a decision.  They work with the children is to gain a better understanding of the entire picture, beyond the parents’ side of the story.

Cafcass use many different techniques to ascertain a child’s views, from talking to them directly about a particular issue (if it is appropriate to do so) to asking the child to draw a picture to express their views.  One example I have come across is an officer asking a child to draw a picture of a deserted island that the little boy was going to live on and explained that he should draw on the island what he felt he would need with him.  He was also to draw a “bad island” where he could put things that he did not want to take with him or that he was worried about.  The child in this particular case drew his island with his mum, her new partner, his baby brother, his teddy bear and some cake on it.  The bad island had his father on it but the picture was drawn of his dad shouting.  The little boy also drew a boat next to his dad’s island and commented that the boat was so his dad could come to the good island sometimes when he was not angry.  It was clear how the little boy felt about his father without him being asked quite so directly.

The exercise is not intended to be an interrogation.  Cafcass officers do not expect children to be able to decide and would not push a child to do so.  Some gentle encouragement is common to enable the child to open up about their feelings but if a child did not have a view or did not wish to express a view they would be under no obligation to do so.

Not every child will necessarily be spoken to.  A careful decision is made at the discretion of the Cafcass officer.  The officer has to ultimately decide whether it is in the child’s best interests to be spoken to or whether it could potentially be damaging to them.  There is also no clear age at which a child should or should not be spoken to.  Each case and each child is considered individually.  It is generally understood that a very young baby will not be able to express much of a view, but even toddlers are able to do so in their own way.  They perhaps will not necessarily be able to say outright how they feel but through their actions it can soon become clear, just like the little boy with his islands.

Cafcass and the Court have to consider the value of the comments made by a child and the context in which they have been given.  It is sometimes agreed that little weight should be given to the child’s views for one reason or another.  The extent to which their views are taken into account very much depends on the individual child and the individual circumstances.  If a child is felt to be mature and aware of the issues in their case, their view will be given more weight than if they take a very simplistic approach, such as preferring whichever parent can buy them more presents or who takes them to the park more frequently. Cafcass officers are experienced in being able to not only to listen to a child’s views but also to analyse them so that the appropriate weight can be given.

Children can be told what to say by one parent and are sometimes given a script.  I have read a number of reports in which children have, somewhat randomly, made a comment about not wanting to see their father or telling the Cafcass officer about how mean their mother had been to them when the officer was asking them what they liked best about school.  It soon becomes clear if words have been put into a child’s mouth or they have been encouraged to talk about a particular incident and it then becomes the officer’s job to find out why the child made the comments in question and if a more positive view of the other parent can be encouraged in the child.

Children often like to please both parents and don’t want to hurt either.  They are sometimes very aware of what they are being asked when a Court is considering which parent a child should live with.  Children often put their parents before themselves in their comments and suggest that they should live with both parents.  Sometimes, thankfully, the comments of children in reports are enough for the parents to recognise their own behaviour.  In one particular case I dealt with, a child refused to comment on what she wanted and literally put her hands over her mouth and shook her head repeatedly when asked about her parents by the Cafcass officer because she did not want to make either parent sad by making any kind of comment that she thought would get her in trouble.  The Cafcass officer was extremely concerned for her emotional welfare.  Fortunately, the parents realised their war was impacting on their daughter and although I am sure they will not have suddenly become the best of friends, they did both agree to make a conscious effort to work together better because they had been very upset at the realisation of the impact of their actions on her.

It will be interesting to see how the role of children in proceedings develops and how that is managed by the courts and Cafcass.  One presumes that this will have to be be determined on a case by case basis to be assessed by Cafcass and the Court, as is currently the case.  In my view, the input of children in determining their future relationships with their parents is vital and if that is to become more of a focus for the court, that must be a positive development – as long as it is done in the right way of course.

Katie is a Senior Solicitor and qualified collaborative lawyer who works across Wetherby, Beverley, York, Sheffield, Leeds and the Yorkshire region. She has experience of dealing with various aspects of family law but has focused predominantly on resolving disputes relating to children, divorce and the division of matrimonial finances and has experience of cases involving domestic violence.

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  1. Ad Verdiesen says:

    how barbaric this is, and how manipulative, thereby, void ab initio, divorce IS child abuse, the divorcing parent IS unfit, only elite parasites profit, postmodern femini$$m is a beast, asif human!

  2. Randox Drug & Alcohol Testing Services | Children’s views and wishes in court proceedings says:

    […] Source:; […]

  3. George Statingfield says:

    The heavy burden of responsibility of choosing between parents and deciding their time with each parent is being foisted on to children by adults.

    Children are already put under pressure directly and indirectly by parents who deliberately or ignorantly put children in a position to fall in line with them.

    A meeting with a Cafcass Officer can only ever be a snapshot view of children’s wishes and feelings, which are easily manipulated anyway, particularly by the primary carer.

    Children who are now grown-ups in the studies completed, say they said what was expected of them from one parent and what they expected the social worker or Cafcass Officer to hear very often, when inside they wanted something different.

    Please look at ‘Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind’ by Amy Baker, where adults who were children and were asked to choose between parents or decide their scheduled time with a parent – Explain the lifelong harm and hurt they suffered as a result.

    The plans are a licence and encouragement for more children to be pressured, bullied and manipulated by one or both parents as their ‘so-called’ wishes & feelings become more determinative.

    Look who is pushing for these proposals, single parent groups and those who see one parent as necessary and the other parent as a possible option.

    We are going backwards, regarding children’s welfare.

  4. Rose Marchant says:

    I could not agree with you more George. We are very ignorant in the UK re Parental Allianation Syndrome. Children are often in survival mode during a divorce and will say whatever is needed to secure their perceived safety. This will usually be to support the main care givers views and opinions. It is very easy to manipulate a child’s thoughts and opinions without saying a word.

    There are lots of really great books about PAS anyone separating or divorcing would beside to read one.

    • RUTH JACKSON says:

      I agree with you parental ailianation is ignored by everyone. Social services are not fit for purpose one in particular is so corrupt its sickening but they get away with it because magistrates hold so much weight on there reports. Reports that are often lies and altered to suit there purposes. One case I know off 2 children were taken off there mother not because she had done anything wrong but because the children’s father has relatives within the council and mates doing favours with mates which resulted in 2 children and a mother having there life’s ruined.

  5. S says:

    24 years of domestic violence alcoholism raped me and now he uses prostitutes and judge says no need for any fact finding even though I can prove all that because kids never witnessed anything which was untrue as I told cafcass and my solicitor they did. So now cafcass will speak to the kids. I supervised contact in public to avoid parental alienation and now judge and solicitor says that means kids are safe with him even though he is emotionally abusive says horrible things about me to kids and they no longer want contact. I get accused of parental alienation they are ten and fifteen. They witnessed things and are fed up of him saying everything they say they are brainwashed by me to say. Social services tell me to leave them sort it cafcass told me I should encourage them to see him more. My solicitor and judge say I should have never given contact in the first place if he was violent alcoholic. No one understands domestic violence and how they only abuse physically in private. Or how emotional abuse is sometimes worse than physical. I am being labelled a parental alienatior while he calls me parental alienatior as a way of slagging me off to the kids. Not all women are stopping contact for spite. Some of us try hard to do what’s best and all we get is told off by everyone . Those who give no contact from the start get treated better in court. That’s the system. It aids men to carry abusing women.

  6. Deborah Pitt says:

    I am currently going through divorce. I am a mother of 2 boys 9 and 12. My ex husband has alienated me from there lives almost completely and in every way poss. Cafcass have interviewed my children and one has lied to protect his father (i av provided cafcass with evidence to prove this but its been ignored) what can i do? Cafcass has recognised in the report that dad must have influence on things said.. but dont seem to want to put any weight on this subject or the fact of emotional abused suffered by me and the children being witness to.

    • Kate Nestor says:

      Thank you for your comment. To start with I would recommend giving our Client Care Team a call on 0330 404 2912 or email at [email protected] and they will be able to help you and point you in the right direction for advice. Thanks again.

  7. Gillian Dodd says:

    My son has been to family court , he is allwed to see his son for 3 hours per week and the mother has to be present, due to her accusations my son isnt capable of taking care of his 3 year old himself. The mother/ ex girlfriend had photos of tiny Mark’s a bruise on forehead, was the so called worst of these Mark’s on the child. I had footage of how that happened on my phone , a simple fall while playing chasing bubbles. The court where extremly negative even though we had proof of the mother contradicting herself many times. She went hoping my son would get no hours with his boy. My son like I say ended with 3 hours with her in the background to watch. Cafcass dropped there case as felt thay were no longer needed.
    So every week my son asks the mother can he take a picture if his son, she refuses, as she thinks he will put it on social media, he wont do this as he respects she doesnt want her child on social media , fare enough.
    Now though the child says ” daddy no you cant take a picture” or simply shouts ” no” and runs to his mummy.
    She states it’s the childs choice!!! Denies that she has put the idea in his head.
    So my son said would she mind taking a weekly photo of the 3 year old. ” i will ask him if he wants one,taking”
    Now do we believe that the mother hasn’t said to the child no pictures, or are 3 year olds actually intelligent enough to make there own minds up.
    I know a child knows what hurts them at that age, or if thay feel in danger.
    For 12months the mother only allowed my son to see the baby for 1 hour a week with her and her mother supervising.
    Supervised by your accusers???
    The only thing my son does wrong is smoke recreationally weed. Never has he done this in there home, or infront of her daughter or there son.
    My son was 3 months premature 31 years ago, so not that quick when searching for an answer, never was this taken into consideration in court. ( as thay both supported themselves in court, mum is very quick and street savy)
    My son, has never been out of work, driven since 17, so he isnt incapable, he just has to think about how to answer questions, as he likes to get thinks correct.
    But the court said it was due to smoking weed, which he does of a weekend maybe 2 to chill. He doesnt drink.
    Really my question is has mummy put the idea into 3 year olds head that he cant have his picture taken or could a 3 year old really decide that for himself.
    I could understand if child had been hurt while photos have been taken of him. But never has that happened.
    Judgement states daddy has same rites as mummy with nursery/school eg, go to sports day/ report day/ plays/ phonecalls concerning child/ letters ect.
    The childs mother really hates me, I personally think no pictures so non of daddys side of the family can see our grandchild growing up.

  8. Karen Myers says:

    It started with me having a breakdown in my car and my daughter is friends with the wrong crowd. I’m a single parent who’s father is in and our of her life like a yo yo. She accused me of pushing her in her bedroom and reported me at school just because I took her phone from her. I’m innocent but now social services took her from me. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a while. She turned 12 in July and is impossible to control. I need help and advice here as I have a real hard nosed social worker who is trying to take my child from me, I have been through the ringer, I have made notes of everything that’s gone on, it’s disguising, this country is disgusting by giving a child more power than the parents. It’s going against the way I was brought up.

  9. Khoshnaw says:

    Divorce is the beginning of the problem & it IS a child abuse

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