Call us: Mon - Fri 8:30am - 7pm, Sat - Sun 9am - 5pm
Call local rate 0330 056 3171
Mon - Fri 8:30am - 7pm | Sat - Sun 9am - 5pm
Call local rate 0330 056 3171
Mon - Fri 8:30am - 7pm | Sat - Sun 9am - 5pm

Lost sense of self: Seven signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and believe you require legal support. Then please contact our team to speak to a specialist family lawyer

Updated August 2023

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is someone who displays characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder, a mental illness that causes an excessive sense of self-importance. Someone with a narcissistic personality will:

  • Display a pattern of egocentric thinking and behaviour
  • Be unable to understand or care about others and their feelings
  • Seek attention and admiration in all areas of their life.

They might be described by others as arrogant, selfish, and manipulative. However, despite projecting a confident or grandiose image, often the root cause of narcissistic behaviour is low self-worth.

Masking their insecurity means that even when their behaviour creates problems, people with a narcissistic personality are extremely resistant to change, quick to blame others, and sensitive to even the slightest criticism.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can have extensive effects on your mental health. And with characteristics including a heightened sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, inability to make healthy connections, and a lack of remorse, it’s no surprise that these relationships can be incredibly toxic.

Julian Hawkhead, Senior Partner, shares seven signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist.

All too often, I see clients whose relationships have broken down due to one party displaying narcissistic traits. Narcissists can be incredibly charming. They excel at projecting a flattering and attractive image of themselves, drawing people in with their confidence and charisma. It’s easy to get sucked in. Sadly, the charm offensive doesn’t last for long. Having a narcissistic partner can have a devastating impact on a person’s mental health.

What are the traits of a narcissist?

Here are seven narcissistic traits to watch out for:

1. Narcissists are controlling

Narcissists like to be in control. Of everything. What’s more is that they will use this control to exploit and manipulate everything to their own advantage and not care about who gets hurt along the way.

Typically charming at the start of a relationship, their narcissistic traits are often initially well hidden by a carefully crafted ‘false self’. It’s a strategy designed to reel you in and temporarily make you feel as though they truly value you.

Inevitably the charm ends, and their true character is revealed, leaving the other person in the relationship feeling dominated and as though they’ve lost control of their life.

2. It’s all about them

Narcissists are so preoccupied with themselves that nothing else gets a look in. Never happier than when things revolve around them, a narcissist will quickly redirect focus onto themselves if attention strays.

People that exhibit narcissistic behaviour believe they are superior to others, so when they don’t receive the admiration or recognition they think they deserve, they feel affronted and may even become abusive.

With their exaggerated sense of status, they’re also likely to be disparaging and disrespectful about people they consider inferior.

3. They lack empathy

Lack of empathy is a defining characteristic of a narcissistic personality. A narcissist simply does not care about the needs, wants, or feelings of others, unless there’s something in it for them. This applies to friends, family, and partners, alike.

Without the capacity to relate to other people’s feelings, narcissists seem immune to remorse or guilt, leaving them free to behave as they want to without repercussions.

4. They manipulate people (including you)

Masters of manipulation, narcissists are highly skilled at twisting situations and working them to their advantage. They have a range of manipulative techniques including, gaslighting.

Manipulation allows the narcissist to increase influence and control, by casting doubt and invalidating their partner’s reality.

They’ll make you lose trust in your instincts, deliberately causing confusion and anxiety. When done on repeat and over time it can have a serious and lasting impact on a persons’ mental health.

5. They have an inflated sense of entitlement

One key trait of narcissistic personality disorder is an inflated sense of entitlement, where the narcissist believes, whether earned or not, that they deserve special treatment, rewards and privileges not afforded to others.

No one else’s needs are more important than theirs. There is no option other than to get what they want, and they’ll do what whatever it takes, firmly believing that rules don’t apply to them.

However, when their entitled beliefs backfire, and things don’t go their way, it can lead to a sense of intense disappointment or anger.

6. Nothing is ever their fault

Narcissists never take responsibility for anything because they don’t believe that they can do anything wrong. Lying, cheating, complex excuses; narcissists will do anything to avoid scrutiny of their behaviour.

Combine their lack of regard for the truth and their fine manipulation skills and before you know it you’ve apologised for something you did not do.

7. They need constant praise and attention

Narcissists crave constant validation, otherwise known as narcissistic supply. They’re fuelled by admiration, recognition, and attention to counterbalance their underlying insecurity and lack of self-worth.

Their addiction to external validation creates a cycle that bolsters their all-important sense of status and power, confirming what they already believe, and further inflating their ego.

But no matter how much praise you give them, it will never be enough.

People with narcissistic traits might also:

  • Be preoccupied with success, power, and appearance
  • Believe they can only be understood by equally special people
  • Expect others to do what they want without question
  • Envy others and believe others envy them
  • Be prone to bragging and exaggeration
  • Obsess over status
  • Insist on having the best of everything
  • Exaggerate accomplishments and talents.

What can you do if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist?

Narcissists will deny their own flaws and mistakes to protect themselves from their deep-rooted feeling of inferiority. An effective way of doing this is to project their own insecurities onto you.

Being wrongly labelled or blamed for things you didn’t do can be very difficult and over time can impact your self-esteem. Having a narcissistic partner can have detrimental long-term effects that are difficult to overcome. Leaving a partner with narcissism can be even harder. But with the right support you can do it.

It takes a great deal of self-knowledge and self-confidence to end any relationship. Talking to a solicitor to understand your legal rights is a great starting point. We also advise clients to talk to trusted friends and family about what they’re going through, and seek counselling if you feel it will be beneficial.

Sometimes it’s about taking the first step and making that call.

We highly recommend that you seek legal advice to ensure that the process will work for you and your family. You can contact our specialist team below.

If your partner makes you feel threatened or anxious or you are in an abusive relationship, please do seek urgent support.

The National Domestic Violence Helpline is open 24 hours a day and can be reached on 0808 2000 247.

Get in touch

If you would like any advice on leaving a relationship with a narcissist, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist divorce lawyers.

Useful contacts

Useful links

Understanding coercive control and what you can do about it

Stonewalling: What is stonewalling and why do some people do it?

The cost-of-living in an abusive relationship

What is tech abuse?

What is economic abuse?


Julian is Stowe Family Law’s Senior Partner and is based in our Leeds office. Julian has extensive experience in all aspects of family law particularly in complex financial disputes. He has been with the firm for over 20 years and has a reputation for his strategic thinking and ability to cut through to the key issues and solve the most intractable of cases.

Contact us

As the UK's largest family law firm we understand that every case is personal.


  1. S kahn says:

    I have read your blog about narcicism. I was married to one and he was a nightmare. He left thankfully after s 30 year marriage but it’s even a bigger nightmare now. He is dragging me through the court system now for the second time about finances and continues to lie, cheat and abuse the legal system for his benefit. He has hidden all the assets so I cannot get anything financially near what I should be getting because he has cooked his business books. The first time in the court system he was called a liar but did not even get punished for wasting court time. Now he comes back very soon after the first hearings were ordered and reduces his books even further so he wants to vary the maintenance to nothing. All these cases are costing me money I do not have and zapping me of my mental state. I have been advised that saying he’s an abuser in court will only work against me. And the mental state I find myself because of his abuse and further abuse through the court system would not be compensated. He’s basically allowed to cheat me and lie and I cannot do anything about it. I don’t understand the legal system. I feel that the legal system continues where the ex left off and I am not protected. I do have legal representation, but I can’t fight the abuse and I can’t prive the hidden assets. The lifestyle was far different than the accounts he shows. An accountant will only work with the numbers he’s given by his client. I was the home carer in a very traditional marriage. I did not lie or cheat. I did the best for him and my 4 now grown children. So now that I’m 60 I could find myself with very little finances for my future and serious mental issues. The legal system is not their for nieve wives who enabled the family business and raised 4 productive lovely children. Interestingly he was extremely generous throughout the marriage but I pliers all that money back into the family and would never have dreamed to siphon away money for myself in an account that would be unknown to him or my family. I just lived to enable him to succeed for the family, for him to be happy and give my children the best futures I could possibly give them. The spouse had other premeditative thoughts that he did not share and now I’m in an unbelievable mess for doing the best I could during my marriage.

    • J. Gould says:

      I have empathy for every word you have said. My case is almost identical.
      I admit sometimes I wasn’t a perfect wife, but what human being is perfect all of the time. I never did anything that I planned or was intentional and if I did anything wrong it was usually a reaction to the control and abuse I was suffering.
      At a family court hearing in September 2019 when for the first time I tried to speak out about the terrorisation and coersive control I had suffered, the Judge replied saying “You dont look like a woman who has suffered abuse sitting there to me” or words to that effect. I was silenced into shame yet again. My friends and family were appalled and all asked me “What does a woman abused look like?
      I have been told for more years than I can remember that I do not have a voice and that “You do not speak” by my ex husband, and the Judge that day last month, from the British Justice system that I have respected all my life, was ultimately silencing me too with those words.
      I am a white british almost 61 year old female who feels manipulated and controlled, fighting a soul destroying financial battle with my ex husband through the courts, not now for me over money but because I need to see justice.
      I feel as though I wake up in quick sand every day, that it is like fighting a battle blind folded as I am fighting lies, manipulation and deceipt every day, so I have no idea what I am challenging or up against because the truth doesn’t exist.
      I wish you and all the other humans, men and women, who are waking up to this daily living nightmare the very best.

    • Beatrice says:

      I find myself in a similar situation. For years I have wondered what I was doing wrong. I have only recently come across the mental condition Narcissism but it explains so much. My husband became increasingly critical, controlling, abusive over our 30 years marriage.
      In June 2018 he announced that he wanted to be free of this ‘terrible marriage’. Then started 18 months of unrelenting abuse whilst we pursued a divorce. We have had to stay in the family home but he will not reach a settlement despite numerous attempts. He seems to be enjoying the drama and having such an awful wife, it seems to help him justify his perceived failure in life and I can only look forward to my day in Court to bring this nightmare to a conclusion.

      I am so disheartened to hear that your nightmare continues. I too have met with,whilst sympathetic, complete inability by my legal team to advise of some legal recourse to the unrelenting abuse I have been subjected to. My friends and family are incredulous that there is not some action I can take to be treated in a pragmatic professional manner. I can only hope that I am finally free after the court appearance and I wish you a speedy resolution too.

    • Sheay says:

      Comimg from someone who is currently trying to leave the narcissist.. Hunny… You need to let it go and move on with your life… Do you deserve more from that marriage.. Absolutly.. Is it fair.. Hell no.. But you will never know peace until you turn the page and enter into a new chaoter of your life that doesnt involve the narcissist.. They dont give two shits about anyting other than stringing you along and getting enjoyment out of watching you struggle.. I was free of my narcissist for a whole year. He finally made contact with me and weasled his way back into my home because we share two children together and it was the biggest mistake of my life. He told me everything I wanted to hear and absolutly nothing changed.. But he got what he wanted.. A place to sleep and two small little girls to yell at and boss around and he expects me to be his maid and his chauffeur because he refuses to get a driver license or clean his own underwear.. He will literally wait until i do my laundry or the kids laundry and ask if he can throw his clothes in with ours. He will literally go without underwear… Its ridiculous.. I dont even understand how a person would rather rely on other people to do everythinf for them because they literally dont want to do it for themselves. He also flunked out of college because he expected me to do all of his homework for him and when I refused, he just stopped all together and flunked out and now has a 30 thousand dollar college debt.. Lol.. Its insanity.. Narcissism is literally insanity…

  2. Julia Horsnell says:

    I am a domestic abuse support worker (voluntary) and I had a similar experience when I was supporting a woman in court and alleging abuse by the husband (with plenty of evidence). She dismissed it all and said ‘I am not interested in this type of thing, the only time I recognised an abusive relationship in financial proceedings is a case where the man had broken the woman’s pelvis. That is the only kind of abuse that I recognise’. I was so shocked that the Judge was denying the serious crime of ‘Coercive and controlling behaviour’ and implying the only form of abuse was physical. I wrote and complained to the ombudsman, but they wouldn’t do anything about re-training, which would have been the least of what was required.

    • Stitchedup says:

      Why should a judge consider unproven allegations of domestic abuse in financial proceedings!!??!! the judge was quite right to dismiss mere allegations to determine a financial settlement and quite right to take into consideration where there has been proof of physical violence. How can you say “the Judge was denying the serious crime of ‘Coercive and controlling behavior’” when nothing has been proven beyond reasonable doubt…. did the man have a conviction??? if not he hasn’t committed a crime so the judge hasn’t ignored a crime…. please stick to the facts. Seriously, when are you people going to understand that it’s all too easy for women to make false allegations of domestic abuse to secure better settlements??? Judges are quite right to be wary of mere allegations.

      • Sharon Shaw says:

        You can’t see abuse just in facts, maybe these judges need to undergo their own personal therapy maybe they would then be able to see truth? The problem is the whole legal system is run on manipulation that’s why it doesn’t work, in my opinion. So maybe we need to gather evidence to show manipulation at play, that is what I am trying to do. Wish me luck!

      • Unknown says:

        Reading that are you speaking from experience

        • Dina says:

          I totally understand what you are going through, my situation is n at exactly the same as yours, though we have 3 Children. He cooked his books so much and after 10 yrs apart, this year he is providing for his children ever month. Total being £29 ish between them for his own 3 children. I’m utterly disgusted, but I’m holding onto every bit of breath and strength l have, not to contact him. Totally disposable. If I could get my hands on every penny that he is indebted to me and our 3 wonderful kids, I would split I it 3 ways into their own accounts. It isn’t, not wasnt for me, but it would’ve help to keep a roof over our kids head and feed them when we truly needed it. But I’ve managed over the years, I don’t need him, but it would’ve helpful to know that he would pay his best so that our children were not deprived

  3. Karen says:

    Gosh this is exactly what I’ve had to put up with so glad hes left me but still keeps giving me abuse through social media

  4. saddened says:

    It happens to us men as well. I am living in it now

    • Steve Bryant says:

      Hope you made it out. I’m a week out of it now. Struggling……

    • A.K. says:

      My sweet, honest brother has been 30 years married to a narcissistic woman, I don’t think he will ever leave– but yes, there are certainly also female narcissists out there! Wishing you a happier, saner, sweeter future.

    • Dinna says:

      I’m responding to Thee “Saddened” comment. I absolutely agree with you. I know their are lots of other Men, just like yourself in a relationship/Marriage/same sex Marriage or a relationship with a loved one of which you’ve now realised they are definitely Narcissists. Many more than any of us can imagine, who r now . in an abusive relationship, whether it be a male/female. Please don’t think, that you, as a Man, are not being listened to. Just like females who tend to hide the other half’s Narcissisim behaviour from friends an family. I don’t mean to sound sexist, but i think a higher majority of Women than Men tend to talk more to their friends/family/loved ones. But whether male or female we are too ashamed to admit . Even myself, you and so many others know it is not are fault, nor did we create the bitterness that started all because or other halves narciss behaviour. Well,I was ashamed to admit what my other half was doing to me. I had to run away with our 3 children, which I was advised to do so by ‘Women’s Aid’, but i only moved 5 mins drive away from our Marital Home and did not stop him being with his Children. But to this day after 8 yrs, he’ll maybe ask them every other Month to come see him, most times he says ‘make sure Mum feeds yous before coming down’ but a few occasions he’s actually cooked or made brunch for them. FYI I do know their are several other Authorities who can help with your circumstances and find a solution to move onwards and upwards for you, kids, Husbands/Wives) which they do with open arms to make sure yous are all safe. Safety for yourself or any other family members is a must, just one little thing that help you move forward and make sure your beautiful family have a home with their Dad, many blessings to you an lots of luck from us Irish ones over in Northern Ireland

  5. Mr Leslie Hill says:

    The article, which singularly portrays women as the victims (all the photographs featured are of women) is inaccurate; I know as I am a male victim of a female narcissist.
    Unbalanced articles such as this are outdated and I am appalled to see such propaganda being promoted by Stowe Family Law, which is supposed to provide unbiased legal support to both Mothers and Fathers.
    By choosing to project just one side of a coin, it promotes the stereotypical myth that women are always the victims and men are always the abusers.

    • Delbert Orr says:

      You are right im in a narcissus relationship for 18 years just found out what is a narcissist now I understand what is wrong with me now I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells ,controlling manipulative never understood what I was saying always fire back at me what I question her about light on me And I am glad that I am out of the relationship but it’s really hard.

  6. Jane Doe says:

    Yes I’ve fallen victim of this myself and Stowe Family Law represented this narcissist against me listening to his lies and fabrications! I’m still dealing with him and self representing due to lack of finances! As a law firm there is an onus of responsibility for you to identify this narcissistic abuse and not defend it! Shocking

    • Was married to a narcissist says:

      totally this, and same! They encourage his continued control and gaslighting and abuse through the letters they write on his behalf, questioning my mental state and my parenting skills in these letters with no evidence and simply because it helps him upset and manipulate me further so i give in to an unfair settlement. really shocked by their approach, very cruel and unprofessional

  7. Julia Sweet says:

    Interested in at what point in history the legal system recognised narcissism My narcissistic mother left my long suffering father 40 years ago and continues to abuse him to this day with the full support of the British legal system on her side. Her legal representatives have made a fortune out of our families misery and at no point have they stood up to her.
    There are clear breaches of human rights but the financial costs are too great to pick it all apart.
    I live for the day justice will be served but meantime I consider the law an ass.

    • A.K. says:

      It’s true that legal personnel and family court personnel should be required to receive training in understanding personality disorders and how those can shape divorce proceedings.

  8. Carolyn M Endy says:

    I first encounters this word & person in 2015. She.was be best friend of 28 years, having known each other since my high school graduation in 1986.
    We did everything together, including raising our children. The nightmare
    taking me to court for the charge of harassment & winning (a comment I made of her on FACEBOOK).
    Only to having events escalate. I continually went to the police jurisdictions that we both resided in, majesterial judges involved, up into the County District Attorney. No one would do the job they were hired for or voted into….to do. For 4 years, she stalked me and other just annoying behaviors.
    As I stated to law enforcement, she did exactly what I said she would : get me
    She broke into my home, as I was there ALONE(which she knew).
    As ALL this was explained in court, though I recommended jail time, for only slaps on the wrist over these 4 years of this horror. The judge gave her 2 years probation. TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE.
    IN CONCLUSION……what did I end up with???
    A HUSBAND WHO IS A NARCISSIST !!!! From date #2…..he lied about EVERYTHING.
    We MARRIED, I thought life was now to become everything I’ve ever imagined with a loving spouse.
    WRONG!!! I thought he loved me for 4 years. WRONG!!!!! Was figuring his stragedy on when to vacate our marriage. He vacated pressing charges after charges. I missed a proceeding & protocol was Me = GUILTY and paying for am appeal.
    on charges I KNEW HE WOULDN’T leave by the wayside, he missed. Though my attorney disputed to continue the hearing……judge gave him a continuance. My husband took what I believed to be my happily ever after and turned it into what I believe will be my lifelong nightmare. Why you ask that I say this…..lifelong??
    That non human excuse for (not) a man…..has forever changed who I WAS & WILL BE, though I know whom I was……it will be HELL to get her back in, I feel; damn near EVERY ASPECT AS I MYSELF IN MY PREVIOUS BEING. He has taken the very essence of whom I EVER WAS.
    I feel disgrace in even stating THAT,

  9. Ray says:

    Here’s how is was put to me by a therapist…you can’t enable narcissism. And when you don’t recognize the traits of one and establish healthy boundaries. which I am not even sure is possible with a narcissist. Then a choice needs to be made. You get out or endure the pain and suffering…

    • David says:

      I’m in this right now. We have 3 young daughters who are also feeling the pain. They just look depressed. I feel like my wife is the extreme version. I feel boxed in and made to feel useless (told that too). I can’t take it no more, this is mentally abusive. I notice my daughters can be explosive as well. She’s so tough on them, pushing them way too hard at such young ages. I can’t take hearing them say “mommy is so mean.” It’s sounds like it’s so hard for those on here that have left, and that scares me. Plus, having 3 young daughters in the mix.

      • Bebop says:

        Sad to hear it. I have 2 young boys (im female) and i worry about the ramifications on them. I think I am also in the extreme end of it and its been for a few years. Mine is heavily controlled with stonewalling, gaslighting and meanness to me. I try to talk about one of us leaving but he refuses to give me eye contact and just becomes mean or ignores me . So much so my 4 and 6 year say things like we will never communicate like daddy.

  10. Kim Obrien says:

    My daughter is completely brain washed by her partner of four years they have two children a two yr old and a nine week old baby. He convinced all the family she was going crazy she was paranoid she was abusive NOT. Only turns out for three years he been having an affair planning a wedding saving for a house playing stepdad to the other woman’s son etc etc etc. He lied on Xmas day saying he had to be with his father due to his mother’s death a few month prior turns out he spent the entire day with the other woman. Both my husband and myself have bailed my daughter out financially many times and asked where is all the money going he always hid his phone had numerous calls whenever I was in his company. He interrupted all conversations with utter rubbish. Always changing jobs always had to going somewhere without my daughter and kids even during the labour he was with the other woman now he caught he wants to try again Insisting the kids are his priority. What rubbish he has ruined my family yet my daughter still sees him

  11. Kim Obrien says:

    He believes his own lies he always putting my daughter down Always abrupt always wants to be in control she won’t listen and has chosen him over her family he has other issues I cannot go into why can’t she see him as we do many times she has broken down yet keeps allowing him back he bombards her on the phone everyday checking up on her also

  12. Janet Durham says:

    I have just left a narsacist after 4years we did nothing he was addicted to cocain my life was a nightmare lying cheating making my mental state a mess he would hide his phone on mon I couldn’t get intouch with him in the end he told me he would ring saying he had been in a car crash I was so worried he still hasent been intouch I am fed up exhausted with it all I dont no how somone could do this to somone I suffer from nerve pain in my legs he never asked was I ok so many times I have looked after him me thinking he was I’ll it was the effects of cocain he cheated with a woman sending her money while he give me nothing I found photos on his phone the lies were unbelievable he said he loved me the fact was he loved the way he was waited on I totally loved him but it felt like a drug I would stay with me left me but I couldn’t stop texting obviously he would ignore me because ov the drugs come back back and forth until monday he felt great that morn never spoke since i am so tired from it all i have told him to leave me alone he doesn’t want me so am trying to have no more contact ever

  13. Withheld says:

    The laws have to be changed to recognise this type of abuse, which is as real and horrendous as physical abuse. I was in two such relationships and lost everything because of biased judges, who had no idea , or no interest, in this type of abuse.
    My ex’s brother (a crooked accountant) was best friends with a judge. A few words in the right ear and the Appeal Court judges overturned all previous judgments in favour of my ex. Who says that British Law is fair and just?! It is a complete ass, and totally corrupt on the highest level. Beyond disgraceful!

  14. JK says:

    I am a man who was with a narcissist (undiagnosed) for 7 years, married for 3 of them. I recognised these signs all too well and identify with the men and women who have shared their experiences.

    I tried to involve children’s services who did nothing. My ex-wife went to the Domestic Violence helpline and got assistance and legal aid despite being the one who was perpetrating the violence.

    I could write forever about what I have been subjected too.

    I have been dragged through the courts for 3 years as my ex wife has used this as a means to abuse me further. The court awarded her parts of my pension and salary (thankfully their was no property involved).

    The court identified that she was an unreliable witness yet still sided with her.

    I am so confused and bitter. I naively thought that if I just told the truth it would be ok but it wasn’t. Furthermore, there was no punishment for her perjury.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’ve put up with everything mentioned here for 14 years & I’m done. I’ve not only been disrespected by him regularly & then having him attempt to make me feel bad or feel that I deserve such disrespect but, I’ve also put up with his female “friends” & their disrespect. I’m certain many of you can relate to the “I hardly have any male friends, I’ve always just connected better with females & I don’t know why?” Line of Crap. Well, I know why… Because any normal male would tell him to quit being a pussy & grow up & be a man. These women just feel sorry for him so as long as he does what he’s best at & plays his victim role, then I get to continue looking like the bad guy. Well, let me tell you what… I welcome any of these disrespectful women to take my place, I’ve even offered to train them, show them the ropes. Funny isn’t it that I’ve had no takers on the subject. His mother was a narcissist & she taught him how to be one also. I took the back burner to her for years. I sacrificed everything for years that was NICE & gave it to her. She had the nice patio furniture. Etc… Etc… He manipulates, & has to control EVERYTHING. Anytime I line up work for myself I get to hear about how I was over dressed & wearing make up so I COULDN’T possibly be going to work & how I wasn’t even a GOOD liar. And, when I worked cleaning a house for a realtor friend of mine for 3 days, she paid me $200 dollars plus allowed me to have a beautiful up to date washer that his mother just happened to need & he didn’t want to spend any money on getting her a new one so my washer at home was going around the clock. All I/we needed to do was pick up the washer from the garage of the home that I cleaned. My friend gave me the lock box combo so we could come back with his truck & load it up. So, there we were driving the 20 mile trip to pick it up & he was able to see where I was for the past 3 days & the deal I worked in order for his mother to get a washer courtesy of me. Of course not one word or apology was spoken or given & to top it off when we got back & installed the washer I was told it was a piece of shit & that it DIDN’T clean clothes properly all because it was new & didn’t have the kind of agitator from 1975 & because it operates quietly. Uh huh. It’s worked fine with no problems for over a year & now that his mother is in a memory care facility, he’s getting ready to sell her house & I’ve got news for him… The washer isn’t going to be part of the sale. I’m so resentful it’s time for me to depart. As you can imagine that’s just one of so many things & don’t even get me started on the constant pathological lying & god knows how many affairs. We haven’t been intimate in years. Now he has an enlarged prostate, a hernia the size of a baseball & a host of other problems that are HIS not mine & he refuses to get any of them repaired. I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to take a walk with someone who wanted to hold my hand, or how it would feel to be hugged again. I miss these things in my life. I’m an attractive woman & have turned down many dates during this ordeal & for what I don’t know because loyalty certainly isn’t something he practices or respects. To whom ever has taken the time to read my rant I just want to say thank you. Being isolated it gets lonely sometimes.

  15. Eric says:

    I’m reading these comments and every single one of them only identifies the negative traits of the narcissists. I too have first hand experience with dealing with one.

    In order to heal though, you need to understand what part you played as the empath. A lot of people incorrectly define this role as someone who altruistically wants to help the other person but was taken advantage of.

    In reality, the narcissists and empathy are both insecure. Many of the good deads from empaths are stealthy just manipulative acts.

Leave a comment

Help & advice categories


Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up for advice on divorce and relationships from our lawyers, divorce coaches and relationship experts.

What type of information are you looking for?

Privacy Policy