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Spotting the signs of divorce stress

Stress will manifest differently in different people. It is important to understand what is normal for you, and to know when something is not right. Often people with mental health issues will see physical effects and emotional ones.

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Your mindset will likely shift if you are experiencing divorce, stress, anxiety or depression. You may see signs like:

  • Feeling empty, not wanting to engage with anything, no hope for the future
  • Difficulty focusing on tasks
  • Struggling with sleep, or oversleeping and not wanting to face the day
  • Loss of interest, for example in your hobbies, your friends, your family
  • Racing thoughts and an inability to switch off and relax
  • More tearful, prone to crying or bouts of emotional overwhelm
  • Irritability increases – things that did not annoy you before are now unbearable
  • Not being able to eat, or overeating.

You may also experience physical symptoms, such as:

  • Physical aches and pains e.g. in your chest
  • Higher blood pressure
  • Headaches and/or dizziness
  • Stomach problems like IBS or more generally a marked change in appetite

Everyone is different, and you may not experience any of the above, but if it is unusual for you, it is likely to mean a deeper issue with your stress levels.

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How to cope with divorce stress

It is important to remember that divorce stress is most likely to be temporary. If you are going through divorce, or have recently divorced, you are likely to be in a state of heightened emotion, which will eventually level out. Taking action and seeking support will help move the process forward, so you can progress to next steps.

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As everyone experiences stress differently, coping with it is not an exact science.

The administrative tasks involved in divorce can be overwhelming, so getting the right legal advice from an expert family lawyer will help you navigate the various forms, negotiations, and decisions.

  • Top tips for managing stress around divorce tasks

    • Write out what you need to do before embarking on the tasks and try to prioritise according to deadline and importance
    • Gather as much documentation as you can before starting, so you can focus on the task rather than searching for paperwork
    • Take each element a step at a time
    • Take breaks when you need to: go for a walk, meet a friend for coffee, or even have a nap
    • Make sure you close everything down before you go to bed, as leaving your computer open and paperwork everywhere will mean your mind is too busy for sleep
    • Seek support when you need it.

    Whilst there is a great deal of stress around the divorce process, it is common for people to struggle with the stress of losing a relationship, restructuring a family, and general emotional upheaval of divorce. There are not always clear answers to this, and this can be hard for some people to grasp.

  • Tips for coping with divorce stress

    • Exercise – a healthy amount of exercise, even a walk a day, is hugely beneficial. Try and exercise outside where you can,
    • Practice some breathing exercises to help you cope with particularly triggering or difficult situations.
    • Maintain a balanced diet, eat healthy and nourishing meals, be mindful about your alcohol intake.
    • Reduce or remove social media, particularly looking at your ex’s channels.
    • Sleep is very important, so prioritise a good night’s rest
    • Open up with someone you trust, even if it’s someone you don’t know well, as talking things through with an unbiased listener can be helpful
    • Write down your hopes and goals for short, medium and long term. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself – these don’t have to be major milestones, just something you want to move towards in this new phase
    • Spend time with loved ones – your marriage might have ended, but that doesn’t mean all your relationships are over.

    Don’t be hard on yourself. You are going through a lot, so be kind to yourself and treat yourself as you would a good friend going through a difficult time.

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What support is there for divorce stress?

Legal Support

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  • Your family lawyer has extensive experience with clients at all stages, whether you are in a good place or not.
  • Your lawyer can help with the administrative process of divorce, including form filling and conversations with your ex-spouse’s lawyer. They can guide you through the process and take over tasks to reduce your stress levels.
  • Lawyers can also represent you in court if your case needs to go to court.
  • Family lawyers can signpost the most helpful resources and support for your individual circumstance, such as financial advisors, coaches, or mediators.

Divorce Coaching

Divorce coaches work alongside your legal team to help you navigate and manage the emotions that come with divorce and separation. They are not trained legal professionals but have a knowledge of the divorce process so can assist you practically as well as emotionally.

Divorce coaches primarily focus on reframing your thinking, and building resilience, and are great to have alongside you.

Read more about divorce coaching and our partner divorce coaches.

Medical Advice

If you are concerned about your stress levels and are finding symptoms hard to manage, it is a good idea to speak to your GP who may be able to help with the physical and mental concerns and refer you to counselling should you need it.

Friends and Family

Your friends and family will want to help you. However, it is important to remember that they are not trained family lawyers, medical professionals or divorce coaches (unless you are very lucky). Remember to set boundaries around what you share with friends and family, and only share what you feel comfortable sharing.

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